Best.Roommate.Ever.

One of the funniest things I have read in quite awhile, just read it. You'll be happy you did.


Roomie

Reminds me of a guy I knew who used to shit in a shoe box and kept it in his dorm room closet. He used to ride around town with his bike in the wrong gear--so that he was peddling really fast and not really going very far....

bloody hell.

Yeah I've had a couple of psycho roommates but nothing could ever compare with that guy. Its entertaining to read but I gotta wonder about the other roommate--who would put up with all that crap? Wouldn't most people move out or at least try to get the psycho evicted?

i'd like to hear more.

That is funny as hell. I enjoyed the part about him setting up his "security system." Thank you for posting this.

i would have beaten that motherfucker's ass so bad after he bashed the bathroom up.. he'd have been too scared to shit in random places after that. i'm a lunatic myself, and sometimes i go into "BREAK SHIT" rages, but that's just ridiculous. that's what dishes and mugs are for.

and there'd be no tarantulas. they'd "accidentally get out" one day when he wasn't home.

i cant believe he shat in the light fixtures then replaced them. thats some funny shit.

That was entirely too funny.
And I thought my roommate was bad?

I don't remember the name of the disorder and I'm too lazy to Google it, but there is a mental disorder, I believe in the same spectrum as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that has similar symptoms. I worked with a 10 year old boy who would put his hands in his pants and shit into them, then throw his feces or wipe it on anyone or anything around.

Holy fuck.

I lived in a situation sort of like that, but nowhere near as fucked up as that one got. The "crazy housemate pooping in jars and lighting shit on fire" part was not unfamiliar, though.

My favorite bit was the climax...

That and the RC car and the red herring wire. And the tarantulas! Fucking genius.

I think I want to turn that into a comic book. Talk about your epic struggle between good and evil, with a reluctant hero confronting the abyss.

two words:

shit lasagna.

Man, there is no way I would be able to put up with all that shit, literaly. I can't imagine anyone who is so chill they would just ignore that.

Actually, did anyone else get flashes of I Am Legend while reading that guy's account of his ordeal? Something about the conscious effort to remain sane and normal with a hellish nightmare happening right outside your walls, and the guy's brave forays into the dark unknown to find out exactly what is happening. Not to mention "Jed" being afraid of him.

no joke, dude. human doormat. i would flip my lid if somebody took a dump in my house, not in a toilet. i don't want them unloading in my yard, either. i can sympathize with a mental disorder, but get the dude some help.. even if it's in the form of having the police come get the violent, defecating wacko. he'd at least have a shot at being evaluated then.

One of the funniest lines:

So descriptive, it's like I'm almost there...must have taken Writing 122.

Read that this weekend. Fucking disturbing.

Yeah, exactly. The fuckered puked on his mom and he remained a doormat?

i can't believe anyone would put up with that for even a week rather than fortifying their room and keep on living with that moron.

Julie, how much do you get paid?

I can't stop laughing at this.

Well that was a little odd. I took one look at the length of it and wasn't going to read on. But i was intigued nonetheless and read it from top to bottom.

I just cant believe that that is real. No one is THAT obnoxious.

I'd jam the tarantulas up his ass and set him on fire when he is sleeping if my roommate did %0.001 of the things listed on that post.

dear god it's like some kind of fucked up adventure story, i can't believe that's reall.
the odds of one person being that insane and on top of that living with someone else who'd put up with it must be astronomical.