I would be likely to consider you for a job which I hold in the highest esteem and would be happy to make you a member of the team, however there is a question I need for you to answer me and answer me honestly. I don't want any pussyfooting around here April, because I know some people lie on job applications and say they're John Glenn and are the first person to orbit the earth because they want to be impressive and think that if they were John Glenn they would snap that job right up like a lobster that is snapping something with those big ass claws that they have, I don't know what they're for but they have them, and frankly I think that's just wrong. We're all people with our own accomplishments, you know, and I don't want members of my team feeling like they have to be Amelia Earheart or whoever to get my attention. I'm an understanding guy, and I know that you can't be that person. We are beautiful and unique and some people have more qualifications for bartending than others and that's how I make my decisions. I'm not one to get starstruck or anything like that, which is why lying will do you no good. If I have hired you and I figure out, as I am wont to do because I am smart and crafty and clever and once I was young like you, that you have been lying to me, I swear to god I will make my personal business to hunt down your family members' pets. Not people, I don't kill people, but I have no moral or ethical issues with taking the lives of their pets. It's not something I take lightly, but then lying is not a light subject matter and besides, if you're honest with me it shouldn't come to that. So if I hire you and your mother comes home one day and finds her cat dead in its kitty litter box, know that you've only yourself to blame. I gave you fair warning, fair and square, and I think you will find that that is how I do business with people. Fair and square and all wrapped up, kit 'n' caboodle.

Now then. My question for you, which will tell me everything about you that I care to know:

Are you in fact an ape as your signature implies?

PaulNikon

Melbourne, FL

February 2003

DEC 01, 2004 07:50 PM

Bump to the is a.