One secret you've never told ANYBODY

I've got things I've never told anyone. I'm keeping them to myself, thanks.

My poop stinks.

When I use public restrooms, people complain.

ok, i've held this secret with me for a long ass time... when i was about 15 or so, i didn't want to mow the lawn, so i set the lawnmower on fire. i lied and told everyone it just blew up on it's own, but really i did it. and that's not the first time i set something on fire... does that make me evil?

i used to dream about fenchurch looking at MY boobs during sex, but then she started spitting.

when I was a little little kid in like the 1st grade, my "girlfriend" brought out her cooter and I touched it (playing doctor), and my mom FREAKED out and thought that we were doing sexual experimentation.

[Edited on Nov 12, 2004 by TheAngus]

*splooges at the mere thought of it*

er, what kind of soda does she usually drink?

the mashed potato and butter flavored one.

I had my own scam when I had a shitty movie theater job. It was extra satisfying since my boss thought I was "slow" (I was stoned alot). I memorized all the price combinations of sodas, popcorn, and candy, and would just hit OPEN instead of ringing people up. I always made sure I told the customers the right price, because I only wanted to steal from the company. I guess this was before the "if you don't get a receipt, tell the manager" rule. Our inventory was fuxored, but again my boss thought I had just fucked it up cuz I was stupid. My other popcorn slaves wondered how I bought those new Docs on $3.65/hr. Now the secret's out, 13 years later.

the first thing i ever masturbated to was tanya, fievel's little sister from 'an american tail'

I ate all the Fruzen Gladje.

I'll bust out a few that won't bother me if they show up on Google for all to see

1. I am gut-wrenchingly terrified of the dark, and absolutely even more gut-wrenchingly terrified of being home alone at night.

2. I irrationally believe in monsters and ax-wielding psychos that chase down cars or break into second-floor apartments or hide in closets sometimes.

3. Social situations involving more than three people sometimes make me throw up.

4. I stole my best friend's favorite shirt when I was thirteen, so I could cut it up and use it on the back of my jacket as a patch. It was basically one-of-a-kind, and I stupidly accidentally wore the jacket when I went back to my hometown to visit. She called me on it, but I stammered a bunch of bullshit and never actually admitted to being a thieving little slimeball

5. This isn't a secret, but it's weird- when I'm thinking or reading something on a computer screen, I'll sit with one arm straight up in the air like it's going to drain some smarts into my poor widdle head or something.

I shot J.R. Ewing!

In my lifetime I have found exactly 3 boys attractive....the last one was 3 weeks ago in an internet cafe.

i put mayo on my jack in the box tacos, and i like it.

Are you sure it was pot? I've never smoked it, so I wouldn't know the difference between pot and... I don't know... dried hamster shit?