ok i am seriously scared right now.

Uh oh...

get a broom and bash the wall.

maybe its a kitty fight... Or not

Go hide under the bed.

That's the best I got, sorry.

if its outside, you have no reason to be scared.

until of course it comes inside

Sorry ... I didn't know how else to show you I was there.

And it isn't snorting. I'm just asthmatic. Lemme and my assmar alone.

call animal control?

NOT UNDER THE BED!!! Thats where they live

it's probably just my dad. he does that when he drinks.

have you looked out the window?

Okay, change of plans, try draping a towel over your head in the hopes that once your head is covered it can no longer see you.

Best of luck.

dont worry, its just the bumbleturtle checking to see if you are ok.

go throw shit at it. those fat sumbitches look funny when they run.

Why not try to run toward it while acting like a Silverback Gorilla that's attacking.

Not that I think it will work but it's really funny imagining you doing it.

Again, sorry. I'm useless.

raccoons are mean sonofabitches.

and they carry rabies

R.I.P Polly.

what??!!!

it's a racoon. go get an unopen can of non-perishables (like peaches) and huck that thing as hard as you can at the thing from your doorstep.