How do you know when it's over?

How do you know when it just isn't right to be with the one you love anymore? Like when the love becomes cold and sterile, and just almost seems like a trick you play on yourself to make you think you're still in love.... how do you know when its finally time to call it quits?

I'm so fucking stuck right now and i have no idea what to do. I've been dating her for almost 3 years now.... it's not what it used to be.... I don't know what to do. every ounce or reason tells me i love her, yet every ounce of humanity yells me it's over....

somebody help me.

you're the only one who can make that choice dude.

we're not you, we can't be you, nor can any of us know what you should do.

you're on your own man.

feel it out, and think it out.

The fact that you are even thinking these thoughts is clue number one. Most people finally call it quits when the unhappiness of being together becomes more than the fear of being apart. I wish I could help you figure out whether it is time to leave or not, but I think only you will know when to go. Best of luck.

Sounds like you know.

i usually consider it over after I pay

I'd say if you have to start a thread about how to know, you probably already do.

you're probobly right -

I think that every ounce of common sense is trying to rationalize... which is probobly why i started this thread.... sure my 'heart' knows or something, but I'm here because.... I'm trying to stop myself? I'm trying to make sense and not make a stupid decision?

this is hard

seeerius, I would concure that it sounds like you already know

I was you not that long ago. It's worth it. Trust me.

But what if its's all in my head? What if I'm making all this up? I guess it's a little drastic to be making up.

I mean in EVERY sense things would seem perfect with us. When we're together we smile and laugh and anyone watching would think we're the ideal couple. We even like to think we are - and to her, I *think* she thinks we are.....

but when i reflect on it nothing feels right. I'm just not happy anymore, but i dont know if I've properly adapted with what happiness is under the circumstances of today rather than the circumstances of 2001. which makes it really difficult for me....

I just dont feel the way i used to with her. and i cant help but wonder 'what if i wait just one more month or one more year and maybe it will become clear. " --- but it seems I've been feeling this way for so long that maybe its just not right for me anymore...

but what a fucking insane decision to make. i mean this will literally change my life forever.... but i need to be able to release. someone recently told me that i need to start "allowing" myself, and thats why I'm feeling so trapped these days. maybe i need to allow myself to follow this through - to do what i feel i need to do

ugh

on a lighter note my cat is finally eating hard food! YAAAY! no more expensive canned food!!!

Get out now. The longer you stay in the comfortable but not really in love relationship the harder it gets to leave. The longer you are together the more complicated things will get. Three years isnt that long. Its a lot harder to leave after 10 or 20.

When the Sheriff's Officer serves you with the restraining order.

If I had a dollar for everytime thats happened to me..........well I'd only have a dollar, but I know what you mean.

If you aren't happy, you aren't. You can't really rationalize your way out of it. 3 years is a critical point - usually the point at which the high of being with someone that awesome is over, and reality sets in. If you're feeling the way you are at this point, I would say it's over.

Have you talked to the other person about this? Are you stressed/depressed/ill?

What makes you think it's over? Would some changes help?

When Deep anal sex turns to arguments and profanity, followed by the fact that she's not there.

okay... now I want to jump off a cliff, for looking this up:
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
And as I climb into an empty bed
Oh well. Enough said.
I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Oh ...
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
See, the sea wants to take me
The knife wants to slit me
Do you think you can help me ?
Sad veiled bride, please be happy
Handsome groom, give her room
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly
(Though she needs you
More than she loves you)
And I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Over and over and over and over
Over and over, la ...
I know it's over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me, and said :
"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight ?
I know ...
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms..."
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
Over, over, over, over
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind
Over, over
Love is Natural and Real
But not for you, my love
Not tonight, my love
Love is Natural and Real
But not for such as you and I, my love
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my ...
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can even feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my ...

I think some very good points have been made ^-^.

But lets face it people grow independently or apart. If you’re not flowing in the same direction then there’s little you can do to change it. Really not wanting to sound old but you’re only young, and things change a lot with people. I’m sure you feel enough for your partner to not let them continue to live in a relationship that is not completely equal.
Unfortunately I think you’ve fallen into the biggest cliché of “being better off as friends”
Good Luck – life’s a journey, don’t be afraid of change. Embrace it!

i guess its pretty obvious huh.

I like to think I'm a smart, rational person. I also like to think that I can do anything with my life - that I'm free to experiment and be free and allow myself certain things. but never have i felt more trapped. and I know better than to think that this is how a relationship is "supposed" to be. I'm not going to stay in something i dont belong in just because i think this is the way it "should" be.

am I making sense? I dont feel alive anymore - and the tiny little glimpses of everything outside of being with her makes my heart race like it hasn't in years.

today i almost broke down and cried at work. I want to tear a hole in the wall.

thanks for all the helpful words guys. i'm trying to take advantage of the fact that I"m young, and the fact that every day is the last of it's kind....

Welcome to my life. I'm trying to figure that out myself right now.

At what point do I care more about my own feelings than the feelings of someone I've cared about for a long time?

I don't want to hurt her ... but I don't want to hurt myself anymore either ... how do I know what to do? What is right .... etc.

It's not easy man ... honestly ... feel free to hit me up and chat if you wish. It'll be like a big brother convesation. Minus the punch in the arm and stealing the rights to your dad's car for the night.

It sounds like you already know whats best for yourself. In my expiereance you just gotta sever the relationship not talk for a long time and let yourself heal. It sucks becouse its something you gatta face whether you like it or not.

well, considering that your dating profile says you are looking for a woman for romance or booty, i would say it's over.

But aren't you hurting her just as much if not more by staying in a relationship that your heart's not in? A one-sided relationship does no good for anybody. If it's over for you, in every important way it's also over for her. It's better to let her go now and start a new life than stay around because you think you're doing her a favor, then breed bitterness or stagnance in both of you.