childfree?

i never wanted kids until very recently. 95% of the time, i hate kids. this comes from working too many retail jobs and being a 20yr old only child with an extended family of around 40 under-13-yr olds. i don't relate to them and i think the majority are rude and ill-mannered.

then i realized that in most of the cases, it's not the kid's fault. they're stupid and demonic due to bad parenting. they're the result of people who let tv or drugs raise their kids, who don't impose boundaries etc etc. i still won't like the kid, but i recognize it's not their fault. it's like adopting a puppy-- if you don't take the time to train your puppy and give it attention, it's gonna turn into a dog that shits in the house and growls at everyone. (disclaimer: i know there are some good parents and kids out there. i'm just disillusioned from having seen the very worst of it by working in retail so long.)

so now, i kinda do want a kid, just so i can try to raise her better than that. we've got all these plans; little to no tv, homeschooled but encouraged to join outside clubs or activities groups for socialization skills, allowed to taste (very strong) alcohol and smoke a cigarette at a young age so that she'll find out she doesn't like them and then the "forbidden fruits" issue never comes about, teach her to be respectful of people, etc. and we're going to wait until we're financially secure and completely ready for a kid, if we ever actually do decide to have one. who knows.

but i can completely understand the desire to be childfree. what i can't understand at all is how some people have 10 or 15 kids.

I don't know how to phrase this without sounding horribly offensive, but I'm going to give it a try.

I have all the respect in the world for people who have kids. I'm constantly amazed when I go out and hear people talking about their daily routines juggling jobs, marriages, and kids, and very happy for friends when they tell me what an enriching, fulfilling experience it's been for them to raise their munchkins.

That being said, the whole idea of doing that myself repulses me. Holding babies doesn't give me the "tug" feeling that Sorcha mentioned at all, it makes me feel nauseated. Even after I've explained this, many friends have tried to get me to change my mind, foisting their babies into my arms, but I always end up heaving and subsequently losing a friend.

If I could afford it right now, I'd love to get my tubes tied. I understand that things can change as you get older, but I don't see myself ever feeling any different about this. And if I do suddenly feel when I'm older that I desperately need a child of my very own I'll adopt. If I can't adopt, I'll get over it. That's the thing that offends me the most when people insist that I'm going to change my mind as I get older. Not only are they assuming that I don't know myself well enough and I haven't thought motherhood over, they assume that I'm incapable of dealing with the disappointment if I ever did decide that I wanted to reproduce. I can understand women feeling robbed if they've always wanted to be a mother but are unable to reproduce, but if I turned 28 and I regretted my decision, I hope I'd have the sense to realise what's done is done and get on with it.

I used to want kids
the older i get
the less i want them
i just dont want to have kids and have to do it on my own
and i really dooubt any relationships last foever
so then why have a kid together?
plus i have other plans
plans where kids just dont fit in
i am not going to end up poor, single and have my dreams eaten up by the fact that all my time is taken up by my child.
i know that sounds horrible but thats what happened to my mother and im not going there.