I need a hit man!

Could someone please come and kill my roommate? He's in the next room snoring one of those high-pitched, back-of-the-throat snores, and I'm going to jump out the window any second now.

Pretty please? I'll pay you in home-made cookies (made by the victim, himself) and pork rinds.


I need Midol.

i suggest a sharp blade to the voice box'll do the trick.

i thought this thread was about smoking the Chronic

damn

Talk to this man.

So, what sort of cookies are we talking about here?

Yeah, he offered to take care of mine just cause he was bored one night. You might even get to keep the cookies.

Sorry, if you had asked a month ago, when I was in that part of the country, I'd have been there and done it for the price of a hug (from you, not your dead roommate)... but I'm not there now..

You know, Billy the Kid once shot a man for snoring to loudly. That's some cold shit.....

cold yet very, very funny.

I suggest throwing something heavy or possibly sharp at his groin, just as a warning. If you can find something sharp AND heavy, even better.

But hey, if that doesn't work...

Take a pen, remove the rear cap, spring, and ink/ballpoint thingy.
If he is snoring high-pitched he is probably on his back, take a shoe and the empty pen and place then pen point down in the little dimple at the top of his chest about 1-2 inches below his adams apple. Tilt the pen so the rear is pointing away from his head at a slight angle (like 30 - 40 degrees).

Then hit the pen with the shoe, he will stop snoring.

...

He may also stop breathing so you should get into the car and drive to canada immediately

Edit:

Disclamer:
*do not do this*

[Edited on Sep 06, 2004 by SirPsychoSexy]

I actually thought about this as I was typing the topic. "People are gonna think I forgot the comma!"

If I had some Chronic, I doubt I'd be concerned about the snoring...or the cramps.

Damn FDA and their aversion to "organic" sleep aids

Jeez, you people are violent. All I wanted was a clean, simple murder.

For you..."special" cookies.

Excellent, then I'll just send the cookies to joshof13thfloor. You think dunx still wants the pork rinds? Because, umm...I ate them.

Explain to me where the fun in that is...

We could play Monopoly or Hungry Hungry Hippos afterwards?

We talking theoretic, or should we start tossing numbers?

(Bonus if you get that reference line)

well if that dunx guy doesn't pull through maybe this guy can help...

Unrelated story, but it kind of reminded me of Seldom Seen Slim. He traded a deed of land for a strip of bacon. Or something.

I wonder what he would have given for a ham hock?

[Edited on Sep 07, 2004 by SarcasticMenace]

hey if you find somebody give me their business card....mkay

That's terrific.

I think that a cold Bud would probably square us.

Done.

He's awake now, therefore, he's no longer snoring. But feel free to kill him anyway.

Knock on the wall or what ever. he will get up and answer the door. He will stop snoring long enough for you to sleep.