A Lousy Joke That You Need To Hear....

handle said:
So a man is driving a station wagon full of penguins down the highway and he drives by a bike cop. The bike cop notices that this man has a car full of penguins, so he pulls him over and says:
"Hey! You need to take these penguins to the zoo!"
"Okay" The man complies.
The next day the cop is sitting at his post on the side of the highway when he notices the same car drive by with a car full of penguins, except this time all of the penguins are wearing tropical shirts and sunglasses. The cop pulls them over again.
"Hey!" said the cop "I though I told you to take these penguins to the zoo."
"I did." said the man "And they loved it, so today we're going to the beach."

hoisin said:
2 poo's are walking down a road towards each other.

as they pass one says "hello dave" and the other says "no, my name is bob" so the other says "sorry bob, i never could put names to faeces".

mwa ha ha ha ha

PRockG said:
Ok,ok here's another one...

A guy is sitting next to a lady on an airplane. The guy is smoking a cigar. The lady has an annoying talking parrot. The lady gets fed up and throws the cigar out the window.

The man, shocked, throws the parrot out the window.

The woman is horrified. She looks out the window to find her parrot flying next to the plane. Guess what's in it's mouth?

That's right..... The yellow brick.

wh00dini said:
what bubbles and taps on glass?



a baby in a microwave

navin said:
Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building when the first man turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."

The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The second guy says, "What are you a nut? There is no way that could happen."

"No, it's true," said the first man, let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

He met the second man, who looked quite astonished. "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."

"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again just as he is hurling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window.

Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. "Well, what the hey," the second guy says, "it works, I'll try it!" He jumps over the balcony plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ...and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'

Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker, saying "You know, Superman, sometimes you can be a real jerk."

maurauder said:
two atoms are walking down the street.

suddenly the first atom stops and looks around wildly.

he says "SHIT, I lost one of my electrons!"

the second atom asks, "Are you sure?"

and the first atom says, "I'm positive."




harharhar I'm a geek

maurauder said:
two atoms are walking down the street.

suddenly the first atom stops and looks around wildly.

he says "SHIT, I lost one of my electrons!"

the second atom asks, "Are you sure?"

and the first atom says, "I'm positive."

harharhar I'm a geek

Caz said:
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

"No. What did that stupid shit do this time?" says the patron.

"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole" says the bartender.

"Yeah, well I hope it kills the fucker because he's been driving me nuts" says the patron.

The guy finishes his drink and leaves.

Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs one, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"What now?" responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a peanut up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender.

"Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron. "Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!!!"