The Zombie Problem

I'm watching the original Dawn of the Dead here and, listen:

What's the point in being a zombie? If you conquer the living, doesn't that make you extinct?

Zombies dont exist. Let them do what ever they want.

*murmers* "Always gotta be pickin on the zombies"

I don't do it to conquer the living. I'm just in it for the brains. Those sweet... juicy... BRAAAAAIIIIINNNNSSSSSSS!!!!

They need to eat people. It's how they survive. If we ate all the food in the world, eventually we'd go extinct, but we still eat.

And I think it's sad what crack has done to the zombie community.

yeah, it makes me frown thinking about all the homeless zombies begging for brains on the sidewalks...

You think if a Zombie bite a crack whore, it would spit it out?

Most definately...everyone spits out crack whores when they bite them by mistake..except crackheaded zombies..they might think it's kinky

answers to all of these questions and more can be found in The Zombie Survival Guide : Complete Protection from the Living Dead

unnecessaryz always keeps one handy.

zombies are good waiters at cocktail parties...just give them a tray of champagne or hor'd'orves (sp?) and let them roam.

From what I understood watching Dawn of the Dead your basic zombie's raison d'etre is to eat flesh (not specifically brains that refinement was a later).

Not only that but their appetite seems to be restricted to just nibbling off a small amount so that the bitten person can be made into a zombie too (after all who's going to be scared of the zombie that's had all its limbs chewed off prior to becoming a zombie?).

However, as there seems to be approx 50 zombies for every 1 living human in any given zombie/human collective at the outset (with nos. of zombies rising as time progresses and other humanless zombies get the latest editions of the newsletter) not many zombies actually even get the prized nibble they're after.

Thus comes the zombie's second raison d'etre, ambling round in circles moaning. This is by far the chief pastime of the zombie. I would hazard a guess that they must spend around 99.5% of their free time in this activity.

In conclusion if zombies were to overrun the earth the zombies who distribute the newsletter could shut down the presses and join the rest of their comrades in a bit of quality ambling round in circles moaning time. The zombie utopia is a world of large crowds of slowly rotting blue people ambling round in circles moaning.

Eventually of course the zombie's body would fall to pieces thus restricting their quality of life to lying still... moaning. Eventually the zombie flesh would return to the earth.

But all zombies are just aiming for a fulfilling life doing what zombies love to do second most. Ambling round in circles moaning.

It seems to me that if in the simple mind of a zombie only the most basic impulses were executed, wouldn't they try to fuck everything too? You know, like dogs.

Maybe I should ask this man

I heard he walked with one once.

[Edited on May 30, 2004 by handle]

You'd think... but no, just ambling round in circles moaning.

Wait one cotton pickin' minute!

Maybe that's like zombie sex. My God we've found out how they reproduce! All those zombies ambling round in the parking lot were having a massive zombie free love athon! No wonder they're moaning!

Just wait you all will see when the the Zombie masses breakout.

I wouldn't trust the survival guide. I've heard some of the basic premises were terribly far off base.

The only movie I can think of that's really considered this angle is the Cronenberg movie "Shivers", in which a parasite turns those who get it into mindlessly horny zombies.

or what about the great movie Dead Alive? the zombies in that movie werre all over each other!

i don't think that movie actually mentions the word ''Zombie''

They're coming to get you Barbaraaaaa...

hmm, maybe not, but they were dead, then they came back alive and hungered for human flesh. by basic definition doesn't that make them zombies? and the plot summary at allmovie.com calls them zombies...
im just sayin'

how long before somebody mentions zombie Jesus?

Romero had an online novel for sale on his official site about two years ago called "The Death of Death", as well as a freed short story called something like "Bunker 13" which delved a little further into the physiology of the living dead in the original trilogy of films and the upcoming sequel. The stories are hard to find now because Romero shut his website down for a while after people he described as douschebags took over his message boards.

If i remember correctly, the things (he never actually referred to them as zombies) don't necesarily eat human flesh out of a need to metabolize, they kill more out of insanity and frustration and eat flesh because they vaguely remember eating while alive. Because all their biological functions have stopped, they dont actually digest the flesh. Instead, it sits in their bellies and rots until it becomes a necrotic soup. Eventually, the zombies stomaches themsleves will burst, but they will not die, and will continue eating. The reason people die when bitten by the living dead is actually necrosis spreading from decaying flesh in their saliva into their victims' bloodstreams. The victims then become zombies because of the unknown condition that is resurecting the dead.

So, in regards to your question, the living dead will not go extinct when all the living have died. Instead, their bodies will eventually break down on them, though the process is much slower than with normal corpses and they could feasibly outlast a normal human lifespan. Whether or not this occurs before they all inflict enough injuries on themslves that they are rendered immobile, before flies and other scavengers may eat them down to the point they cant move anymore, or hell thaws out is unknown.

The only thing more terrifying than zombies is BLACK zombies...

When they start blingin' out the dead, you better fuckin' RUN.

They explained the motivation for zombies in Return of the Living Dead part 1, as I recall it's something about eating brains to stop the pain of being dead...