I BEAT THE INTERNET!!!

I'm gonna be wasting so much time on this site now. Dammit.

I mean, it's like inpassing.org but far nerdier!

I went to the site. I looked at it. I read the title. I even went through quite a few of the top 100, and thought they were quite funny. But I'm still confused as to what these quotes are actually from.

Most of them are from mIRC chats, I do beleive.
It makes me wish I was more witty.

pure genius

<%Makoto> How long can a CAT5 cable be, and still maintain a strong signal
<%Makoto> ?
* Makoto (WinNT@hidden-60382.we.client2.attbi.com) Quit (Connection reset by peer)
<@Col_Kiwi> a little shorter than that

Bash quotes are nothing compared to these!

i can't stop laughing

<Fireslide> next person to talk after his line will be kicked
<Fireslide> *this
* Fireslide was kicked by Fireslide (12‹61912›)

<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough.

<+mOrphz> damn it :/
<@Lego> damn it :/
<+mOrphz> stop that
<@Lego> stop that
<+mOrphz>
<@Lego>
<+mOrphz> Lego smells
<@Lego> Lego smells
<+mOrphz> /quit
quit: (Lego) (~leet@apex|Lego.user.gamesnet) (Quit)

That site makes me wish I lived in Berkeley; people aren't nearly that interesting in Florida.

As long as this thread's back, allow me to provide you all with some of my favorites...
WARNING: Some of these are incredibly offensive. I took out the ones that I thought were bad enough that they could actually piss someone off, but there are still some really fucked up ones here. If you don't like dark humor, just skip ahead to the one about the vegan zombie.


<@godofcows> I swear that'd have to be the most evil thing you could do
<@Vinic> what about donating 30 billion dollars of countefiet cash to child cancer societies?
<@Vinic> on the back of each bill is you jacking off and saying 'here's your medicine bitch'

<phr0work> using linux is like using windows, except every time you try to do something like install a program or a driver or set a different resolution, a big black dude runs in and kicks you in the side of the head

<Keitaro`> i just watched this tech tv interview with a software pirate that got caught
<Keitaro`> he had a server at work, with 1.5 TERABYTES of warez
<Jerec> TB.. wow
<Jerec> to even see a TB on a computer
<Jerec> thats like seeing bigfoot
<Jerec> or Jesus

<berger> i suggested to mojo, we go on a double date with eachothers sisters
<berger> he said no
<Zardoz> how old is his sister?
<berger> well
<berger> hmm
<berger> i suppose thats why he said no.

<link>once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
<hokage> *cries*, scary....

<conceited> i cant sleep till i know im using up half of the neighborhood bandwidth

<Arwen`> maybe she hates clubs because she's ugly.
<jasong> maybe she hates clubs because she's a seal

<Destruya> I joined the "Virtual March on Washington" even though I live 30 minutes driving time away from the White House.
<Destruya> I think I've reached the nirvana of laziness.
<Destruya> And probably sent my name to a CIA central database codenamed "FuckWithThesePeopleUntilTheyDie".
<Destruya> Of course, I'm not worried, since any server with a name that long has to be running NT of some form.
<Destruya> Which means they better write that shit down before it crashes.

<@Splodge`> I think there might be some incest in my family because my dad's cock tastes exactly like my sister's snatch.

<Funk> Hey I have a question for your mother
<zuKi> Sure thing, let me get her!
<Funk> Ask her how many Communion wafers you'd have to eat to consume a whole Jesus

<|TripleH|> Ever been fucking some 15-year-old homeless girl and the roofies wear off and she starts to wake up? Do you just keep going, or do you hit her with a toaster or something and try to knock her back out? I never know what to do.

<CrazyDUMPLING> i treat my women like sUGAR
<Tetsuo> How so?
<CrazyDUMPLING> i put them inbags and lick them
<CrazyDUMPLING> or at least i did until that financially debilitiating lawsuit
<Tetsuo> ...

<ShaneBe> i think i just realized what i have been doing wrong with my life.
<ShaneBe> i make goals... but the goals are things like:
<ShaneBe> "I am going to eat this 10-pack of tacos if it kills me."

·cronO· !8ball why is •darklyte• gay?
·Darklyte· cronO, You answer can only be found within yourself.
·cronO· aw
•iggz• haha
•iggz• fag!

<Nyssa> 98 is like that slutty girl next door, that asks all the young highschool boys to wash her car but drinks her glass of wine and stares at them through the window with a creepy smile.
<SickHumour> That has to be the most fucked up analogy that I've ever heard.

<dsfsadfa> do you guys know what would be even cooler than the death of bush?
<SaberRider> an iraq victory ?
<SaberRider> (which is very unlikely)
<dsfsadfa> orange flavored pepsi
<Keltosh-ill> ...
<Iraq> Whoa...
<Iraq> That'd be awesome!
<dsfsadfa> i told you

<Weiki> sex is icky
<Weiki> when you have it all too much.
<Weiki> You'll get to the point where youll actually want a pizza over sex, at least for me anyways.
<BrianJohnson> I bet people in Ethiopa want pizza over sex
<BrianJohnson> They must have sex an awful lot
<Lanus> Let them suck you off, and solve two problems at once!
<Novasol> That's quite possibly the most disturbing solution for ending world hunger I've heard yet.

<Jaayy> I like my coffee the way I like my niggers.
<Naive-EOC> Dead?
<Derid-EOC> In the Field?
<Ball-licker> In jail?
<Humur> Killing each other?
<Naive-EOC> Stealing?
<Sailym> Covered in blood?
<Humur> 5$ a piece?
<Derid-EOC> Stupid?
<Jaayy> ...
<Jaayy> BLACK YOU FUCKING RACIST BASTARDS! I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK!

<EK> Quentin Tarinto on the use of CGI in movies "'You know, my guys are all real. There's no computer fucking around. I'm sick to death of all that shit. This is old school with fucking cameras. If i'd wanted all that computer game bullshit, I'd have gone home and stuck my dick in my Nintendo."
<Nikaji> o_O
<Chaosmeika> nintendo has a penis port?
<EK> I wish.

* Huroya shoots Flak
* Flak catches the bullet with his teeth
<Huroya> By "catch" I think you mean it shatters your jaw and puts a hole the size of a baseball through the back of your skull.

<RSX-2003> my friend might get suspended from school
<RSX-2003> she's enrolled in child developement, so she has to work with the special kids on campus
<RSX-2003> and they had their own dance, and my friend cintheia was the DJ
<RSX-2003> and she put on the song by black eyed peas called "lets get retarded"
<RSX-2003> if she didn't start laughing she probably wouldn't have gotten in trouble

<AJ> One of my best friends is Jewish.
<AJ> For state testing, our school gave us food, so we'd be awake and do well. Someone called it "concentration food".
<AJ> So my friend excitedly says "Concentration food? I haven't had this since camp!"

* Bobber lights up the crack pipe and takes a hit
* Bobber passes it to Jesus
* Jesus takes a hit
<Jesus> Argh, my dad is gonna KILL me

<Digested> cool
<Digested> you have a gf that knows how to download mp3s
<madog> ya
<madog> and email
<qvr> That's nothing.. I had this goldfish....

#13406 +(110)- [X]

<@AJ-> [-amp-]: My girl might be, erm, uh, you know
<@[-amp-]> a man?

@Gandalf> Recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
@Gandalf> For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
@Gandalf> And if she is menstruating, she is likely to prefer a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his temple and a cricket stump jammed up his arse

<cactor> I'm gonna put some oragel on my dick and stick it in some bitches mouth
<|Chris> what are you gonna do when she bites your dick off
<|Chris> cause she can't feel her mouth
<cactor> uh I dunno
<cactor> smack her probably

(No, this wasn't me. At least, I think it wasn't) :

[Glare]: Hey guess what i did last night?
[Tank]: Im assuming something revolving around....."My mother/Sister"???
[Glare]: damnit.
[Tank]: Owned.
[Glare]: Agreed.
Glare bows in acceptance of ownage.

* ol has joined #mapcore
<Flashdevil> I will rub my sperm in so many places that they won't be able to look at themselves in the mirror without getting pregnant.
<ol> um... did i come in at a bad time?

<Cheshire> I can't afford those plastic things to cover the electric sockets so I just draw bunny faces on the electric outlets to scare the kids away from them...
<RLtim> Newsflash! Kids aren't afraid of bunnies.
<Cheshire> Oh they will be...

NekoGuy> Ladies and Gentlemen of the world, tonight I masterbated, then told the President of Africa to fuck off because he has no intention of cooperating, then I read a book for 39 minutes, then made love to my wife anally. Any questions?
NekoGuy> XD
It> lupis, dehumanizing the enemy is the prime strategy for victory in war. If your enemy isn't human, but a crazy shithead mindless bastard who doesn't deserve to live, it's easier to get soldiers to kill.
It> lol
It> Targen from The 3l33t Times. Can you offer us pictures of the anal love to your wife?
NekoGuy> Nope, but I will have you educated.
NekoGuy> GUARDS! TAKE THIS MAN OUTSIDE AND SHOOT HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD.
* NekoGuy sniffles
It> Fuck.
NekoGuy> I'm a man of hard love
NekoGuy> hard as in the steel of a bullet
It> Bullets aren't made of steel.
NekoGuy> MY FUCKING BULLETS ARE
NekoGuy> GUARDS, CASTRATE THIS MAN BEFORE YOU SHOOT HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD
NekoGuy> THEN TURN OFF MY CAPS LOCK.
It> Fuck.
NekoGuy> AND BRING ME VIRGINS
It> I don't get what's so great about virgins.
It> They bleed when you fucks 'em.
lupis> virgins who have been extensively taught sexual techniques
It> lupis, and have no actual practical experience?
NekoGuy> ...
NekoGuy> GUARDS
It> NekoGuy: your guards are too busy having hot yaoi mansex with each other.
NekoGuy> Fuck...

<aard> blackrose: you're so goth, you shit bats.

blitzoid> I should register the nickname 'I spunked all over this item' on ebay to discourage people from bidding on my stuff.
blitzoid> "Hey, an original Asteroids machine! Cheap, too! I think I'll bi - Wait, wait. It's got spunk all over it. Damn."

<Astrum> bash.org script:
<Astrum> if( quote == funny )
<Astrum> reject();
<Astrum> else
<Astrum> reject();
<Astrum> I hear they're comming out with the bash.org script version 2
<Astrum> it's optimized:
<Astrum> reject();

<ckx> i've got nothing against homos
<ckx> as long as they don't fuck me or touch me
<ckx> they're alright
<gb> what if they cum on you
<ckx> that's a grey area

<Swamp|haircut> omg @ big breasted hairdressers
*** Swamp|haircut is now known as Swamp
<Swamp> whenever she leaned over it looked like i was wearing a mickey mouse hat

* Joins: dad (dad@h00a0ccd3e0a3.ne.client2.attbi.com)
<@tatpoop> Hi dad.
<@tatpoop> Quit hitting mommy. ;_;
<@tatpoop> OH GOD MEMORIES

<LunchPailTree> the moral of this story is: if you have no morals, go get yourself a 12 year old friend so you can fuck her after you drug her

<gloom^exs> finnish sounds like two alphabets went to nuclear war and the fallout mutated it into something seriously fucked up with lots of i's and e's.

<Tenchi147> if you were in a shower with another guy and he droped the soup
<Tenchi147> would you do anything?
<Oolong^Pokemon> not if it wasn't my boyfriend
<Oolong^Pokemon> hell no
<Tenchi147> I am not thinking while typeing
<Tenchi147> I am going to shut up now
<Katarica> If I was in the shower and another girl dropped the soup
<Katarica> I would wonder why the HELL she was eating soup in the fucking shower

<MixieArmadillo> hahaha
<Mnementh4> if you tell me, I will have to commit sepuku
<MixieArmadillo> is that anything like oragami?
<Mnementh4> more messy, but the concept is basically the same

<shithead1> oh good sir geoffrey
<shithead1> did you slay any dragons in the last fortnight?
<jeff> no
<jeff> unless by slay any dragons you mean rub one off

customer24601: what's that sound?
macholyoke: me banging my head against my desk.
customer24601: why are you banging your head against the desk.
macholyoke: so I can speak to you in terms you'll understand, you retard.

<DMC[mav2]> human/animal hair can be stuffed inside panty hose and used to suck up oil out from an oil spill
<DMC[mav2]> did you faggots know that

* Joins: Pronto ()
<MSminion> PRONTO!! YOUR BACK!!!
<Pronto> I brought my front, too.
<MSminion> Whoa! Both of 'em? Wow.
* Pronto bows.
<MSminion> What about your left?
<Pronto> Nope. It got left, right over there.
<MSminion> Right.
<Pronto> No, it left.
<MSminion> No left or right, then?
<Pronto> Damn straight.

Valvados (~Draco@12.21.190.1957) is now known as Valv|Nekkid
<Valv|Nekkid> My roommate is giving me the strangest look.

<Tsunemori> I could barely kept myself awake during the lecture....... but here I am......
<Serajadeyn> what lecture was it?
<Tsunemori> Introductory lectures to teh various subjects we'll be taking
*** Shadowcon (~Shadowcon@12-230-182-225.client.attbi.com) has joined #mtartanddrawing
<Tsunemori> Three people went for one hour each, but this last guy did it all in 10 minutes. I love him
<Tsunemori> I think Shadow will misunderstand what I'm saying.

Kuja> How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes three episodes.

<Lucent> i'm just about fucking tired of middle schoolers named samantha e-mailing me for chemistry homework
<Lucent> without giving a picture

<TuxMan> beh you know what happened...
<terminus> what?
<TuxMan> i whacked off while watching the linux kernel compile...
<TuxMan> i mean... uh...
<terminus> o_O

Uberkommando> i keep all my songs in "E:ClearlyNotPiratedMedia"
Uberkommando> that should keep the RIAA off my trail for a while

Kayma> Ahh, there's blood flowing thorugh my caffeine vessels!

(jonathans) i want a cow bell that makes a cow noise
(jonathans) when i hit it
(jonathans) it will go "COW"
(orion) cows go moo

<Cold_Fyre> back. I had to talk to my sister about sumtin
<fReAkEr> is she hot?
<Cold_Fyre> She's 8...
<Cold_Fyre> O.o
<fReAkEr> I didnt ask her age...

<skrike> zhix: guess what Im doing
<zhix> skrike - what?
<skrike> zhix - Im doing the dishes, cuz sometimes thugs gotta tell the dishes whats up
<zhix> skrike - damn straight
<skrike> Im in the kitchen going "bitch you betta get clean"

<supervillain> i just masterbaited so hard my papercut reopened and then I got semen in my papercut.
<[SA]thatdog> i just masturbaited so hard there is semen all over my roommate
<[sa]hack_the> I just masturbated so hard there is semen all over my living room
<[SA]CrazyAchmed> I just masturbated so hard there is semen all over YOUR living room
<[sa]evensevenone> i just masterbated so hard my cock fell off
<[sa]mrpeabody0> i just masturbated so hard my guitar exploded.
<[SA]thatdog> i just masturbaited so hard mrpeabody's cock fell off
<[SA]StupidWhore> i just masturbated
<[sa]evensevenone> stupid: you're behind the curve there tiger

dreamwraith> Girls that think oral sex isn't really sex are so fucked in the head.
Dest> dreamwraith: Literally.

<JB> When I was a kid, you could just admire a naked woman. She didn't have to be defecating.

<theclubhousebarandgrillgod> i have a ????? who is the admin here
<Kyle> You have a horse?
<jeff> I'd like to buy a vowel.

Quaestor> how frequently does a question need to be asked to be considered a Frequently Asked Question?
Archon11> 7 times in the US and 11 in Canada. The European Union is considering a common number of five, but Great Britain refuses to comply and insists on using its own number, six. China does not allow questions except in Hong Kong.

<tress> i have no arms
<tress> i have to type by blowing through a straw
<tress> i dropped my straw

* Stan (Stan@dhcp024-209-052-025.neo.rr.com) has joined #techfreax
<Stan> what's c++?
<hypnetric> it's a rap artist
<Stan> he's good?
<hypnetric> lives in chicago
<Klone> He's almost as good as Java.
<hypnetric> yeah java owns
<Stan> do i compare to any of them?
<Klone> No, dude. Java is hardcore.

(@Ti-chan) Bukkake is when a Mommy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy all decide that Mommy needs some special facial moisturiser

<MichaelBolton> okay, my ADD has officially gotten out of control
<MichaelBolton> i just tried to go to the bathroom, but i ended up shaving, washing my face, taking a short shower, putting in fresh toilet paper, and taking out the trash. so now i'm back here, and i still have to pee.

<gh5046> Witness the amazing power of and ice-cold lemon lime soda as I pour it on my crotch and become sexually aroused!

(SaMaNtHa^) as long as you're not attracted to chipmunks
(MarK^MacLeaN) i'm not
(MarK^MacLeaN) except for that whole chipmunk raping incident
(MarK^MacLeaN) poor lil guy
(MarK^MacLeaN) girl girl.. i mean girl lol
(SaMaNtHa^) homosexuality and beastiality all rolled into one
(MarK^MacLeaN) yeah it was a tough year

aryov> This cake is soooo good
aryov> it's like sex, except I'm having it

<Ouroboros> Has anyone ever logged into dev0n's FTP?
<Affe> ouro: that some kind of sexual innuendo?
<xpander> is that a euphemism?
<Ouroboros> Possibly
<Ouroboros> Shhh
<Ouroboros> I try to be subtle about these things.
<Affe> in that case, i 'log into dev0ns ftp' all the time
<Ouroboros> Yeah, she gave me her "login" but she won't reply to my "/msgs"
<Affe> dude i had 'sex' with her in the 'butt' the other day
<Affe> oh wait
<Affe> we're being subtle

ywedig: so what do you have planned this weekend?
GnaaaGnaa: I am going to kill your mother, rape your father, cut off his penis and put it in your dead mother's mouth
GnaaaGnaa: then I'm going to see Spiderman

<harb> Polybeastiality? Is that like cheating on your sheep with your cow?

* rax humps Arwen`
<Arwen`> rax: down boy!
* rax humps lower

<kolby> Allow me to be serious. Kolby serious? Yea right. Well I'm kinda drunk and feel like getting a few things off my chest. See I'm not even supposed to be alive right now. When my mom was giving birth there was a big problem. I was suffocating and I almost died.
<Wes> how were you suffocating?
<kolby> See what happend is that my dick was wrapped around my neck 8 times.

* veganzombie has joined #uc
<veganzombie> Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....
* veganzombie has quit IRC (Quit: Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....)

Dracula: Roses are red
Dracula: Violets are blue
Dracula: this line doesn't rhyme
Dracula: and neither does this one

<cheesewad> I want to take nunchuck lessons so when I go to jail I can bust out with the soap on a roap and beat up all those ass fuckers.
<Allen4> What are you going to jail for?
<cheesewad> stealing soap on a rope.

<Locke|Away> I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Valvados.
<Locke|Away> Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for.
<Locke|Away> But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.
<Valvados> ...
<Valvados> o.o
<Valvados> hmm
<Valvados> i dunno what you were supposed to get revenge for, either
<Locke|Away> I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though.
<Valvados> well, whatever i did, i guess i deserved it
<Locke|Away> Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

kate> wat r u doin ryt now
Patrick`> Trying not to hunt you down and beat you into a pulp with a dictionary.

<+crystalis> un-tss
<+crystalis> un-tss
<+crystalis> un-tss
<+crystalis> un-tss
<+crystalis> un-tss
<@d1sturb3d> wtf?
<+crystalis> I'm a techno song

<Chafey> Macgyver hates the french
<Chafey> He's all like "I'll build a submarine out of this dried camel shit, damned french"

<ajax> Some people...have the idea that evolution is a fucking system of...
<ajax> "oh i need flippers, i'd better grow some" type bullshit.
<ajax> It's more like "Oh shit look at that freak over there with the flippers hahaha OH SHIT I AM DROWNING OH GOD SAVE ME FLIPPER BOY".

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

oh god i'm gonna pee my sides my tummy

i love this one:

<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"

reminds me of when i was training clerk in the Army. 99+% of the people who came in to have me fax something insisted on making a copy first.... they thought that faxing apparently "beamed" the paper to the other location.

after explaining a couple of times that it wasn't necessary i started just letting it go.

<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world...
those who understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID

My favorites:

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^

<kylev> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<kylev> hahahahaha
<kylev> some girl just came onto our floor
<kylev> and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"
<kylev> i just asked her what the paper was about
<kylev> and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
<`Neo> bahahahaha

<BronsonTheBeef> So we were supposed to have a guest speaker in one of my classes
<BronsonTheBeef> to talk about diversity and racism and shit today
<BronsonTheBeef> prof's never met him..
<BronsonTheBeef> in walks this super black gangsta ghetto dude
<BronsonTheBeef> he's got a 'pimp' chain around his neck, wearing FUBU everything
<BronsonTheBeef> has a gold watch and a ring on each finger, smells like pot and beer
<BronsonTheBeef> he even had a do-rag on and a cigarrette tucked behind his ear
<BronsonTheBeef> walks in in true rapper style flashing his crazy ghetto signs at us
<BronsonTheBeef> the prof's like...'are you... jeff?'
<BronsonTheBeef> he goes 'true dat, ho' and says 'you all my niggaz!' and he turns in a circle
<BronsonTheBeef> waving his arms in the air singing about 'niggaz in 'da house' or some shit
<BronsonTheBeef> so she tells him to give his speech on diversity and shit
<BronsonTheBeef> and he starts talkin about 'the man' and how 'white folk be dissin'
<BronsonTheBeef> then like a minute later this other black dude runs in dressed in a suit
<BronsonTheBeef> and says 'sorry I'm late'
<BronsonTheBeef> it turns out the first black dude was just baked. he doesn't even go to college
<BronsonTheBeef> he just wanted to buy weed in the dorms

<benja> A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
<benja> The survey was a huge failure...
<benja> In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
<benja> In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
<benja> In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
<benja> In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
<benja> In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
<benja> In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
<benja> And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

funniest shit ever tank!!!

I'm not sure when they did it (probably a while ago) but they removed the "Bottom" quotes. Those were the worst, or best, depending on your point of view.

Best one ever:

<Fenris> My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG!
<Fenris> Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for
<Fenris> I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??"
<Fenris> And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online.
<Fenris> I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch.
<ctone> ...
<ctone> now theres a quote for bash.org
<Fenris> Don't you fucking dare.

I was going to go to bed.

Bed or laughgasm... bed... laughgasm...

Thank you for this one TANK:
aryov> This cake is soooo good
aryov> it's like sex, except I'm having it

I laughed until I stopped!

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Oooh, if you just beat the "internet", you still have some work to do. I don't know if you got the memo, but George W. Bush said there are internets(plural) that terrorists are using to make his job hard.

This is my favorite.

<link>once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.

<Cheshire> I can't afford those plastic things to cover the electric sockets so I just draw bunny faces on the electric outlets to scare the kids away from them...
<RLtim> Newsflash! Kids aren't afraid of bunnies.
<Cheshire> Oh they will be...


Now this one is MY favorite But they're all damn funny