Share a sick joke...

...because I need to sharpen up my arsenal.

No more dead baby jokes... they're getting kinda stinky!

3 gay guys go to a bar. They all are ordering shot after shot and the bartender asks "what's wrong with you guys, why so sad?"

All 3 of them have something in common they each lost their lover.

The first says: My Chris loved to fly, and was a great piolet. So I got in a plane and scattered his ashes out of the plane.

The second says: My David loved the ocean and was a successful fisherman. So I got a boat went out to sea and scattered his ashes all over the water.

The third says: My Matthew was such a great lover that I spread his ashes in my bowl of chilli so he could tear up my ass one last time.

One day a woman baking a cake, with her three daughters helping. The first Daughter asks "Mother Why did you name me Rose?"

"Well Rose", said the Mother, "I didn't know what to name you at first, but your father and I went out into a garden, and a rose petal drifted down fromt he sky and Landed on your forehead"

The mother continued to bake the cake and soon the second daughter asked, "Mother, Why did you name me Daisy?"

"well Daisy," said the Mother, "I didn't know what to name you at first, gut your father and I went into a garden, and a Daisy petal drifted down from the sky and landed on your forehead"

They contiued to bake and soon the third daughter began to wonder to, so she asked, "Maaaaalthra Deeeeuh?"

The Mother glared at her and yelled, "Shut The Hell Up Fridge"

2 great ones already keep 'em coming!

A man walks into a public men's room. His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart. He approaches another man and asks, "Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?"

The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man's pants.

Next, the man asks him to hold his penis while he pees. The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked.

Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his penis back in his pants.

"Oh, I can take care of that," the first man says, blowing on his fingers. "I think my nails are dry now."

THREE THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY IN A GAY BAR, 1. FUCK ME IT'S HOT IN HER. 2. BUGGER ME THE BEARS GOOD. 3. CAN I PUSH YOUR STOOL IN A BIT PLEASE.
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I FOUND A 21 YEAR OLD GIRL TIED TO THE RAILWAY LINE LAST NIGHT. I UNTIED HER AND WE HAD AMAZING SEX ALL NIGHT HOPING FOR A BLOW JOB LATER IF I FIND HER HEAD
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and here are a few michael jackson ones:
WHAT HAVE MICHAEL JACKSON AND SANTA GOT IN COMMON?
THEY BOTH COME OUT OF LITTLE BOYS ROOMS WITH EMPTY SACKS
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POSH HAS GOT HER OWN BACK ON BECKS BY TELLING HIM SHE SLEPT WITH MICHAEL JACKSON. JACKO DENIES THIS BY SAYING HE WAS IN BROOKLYN AT THE TIME
(you might not understand that one unless you know of posh and becks)

hope you like

What do you do after eating bald pussy?

Pull the diaper up.

"Warning: Incest joke<p>









A white trash dad is sitting in his favorite chair watching t.v. when his daughter comes in and asks "daddy, can I borrow the car tonight?" daddy replies "yup, but you know what you gotta do if'n ya wanna use the car" so daughter gets down on her knees, unzips daddy's pants and get's down to buisiness but stops suddenly and looks up at her daddy with a disgusted look on her face, exclaiming "ewww daddy! your dick tastes like shit!" daddy looks a little confused for a second then with a look of realization says "uh ..oh yeah ..yer brother's got the car".

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

"Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before."

"Like what?" Martin said.

"All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary said.

"Well, what's yours like?" Martin said.

"Straight, like normal," Gary said.

"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said.

Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.

"What did you do that for?" Martin said.

"Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said. "Like normal."

"Shit," Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it out."

what did the blind kid get for christmas?

cancer.

Warning: This is the most offensive joke I've heard and yes it does contain the "C" word!
Second, I was told this joke by a woman, so no hate mail please.

"Why did God give women yeast infections?"

"So they'd know what it felt like to live with an irritating cunt too."

WARNING MOST OFFENSIVE JOKE EVER!!!!!!!!!







IM SERIOUS!!!









what did the nazi say to the black jew?

get in the back of the oven nigger!!

what do 365 used condoms and an old tire have in common?

they were a goodyear?

what's the best thing about fucking a 3 year old?



hearing the pelvic bone snap!

Please forgive me Lord for telling this hideous joke.


What's better than winning Gold at the Special Olympics?









Not being retarded.

whats so great about datting a fat chick?

shade in the summer heat in the winter

how can you tell if a fat chick gets off?

who cares..

yea i hear alot of these, i cant help it i like'em big

How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

Countdown to deletion...

10

What's the best part about fucking twenty eight year olds?













There's twenty of them....

Two detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

These two gay guys from San Fransisco hear about this fantastic hairdresser in newyork who doing an open call for models. Having always been told they would make great models they decide go to NY. Unfortuantely, about halfway through Kansas their car breaks down, and they have no clue why, being stereotypes. They decide to hitchhike at least to the next town, so tey are walking along and kinda lookin' each other over...when this trucker picks them up. The trucker is big old guy, stinky as hell, but the two guys are so desperate to get out of the sun that they don't care.

They are driving along and one gay guy says, "I'm sorry, but I have to Pass Gas."
"Shit," the driver says, "I don't care." So the guy does, "Puuuuuffff"

So a few minutes later the other guy says, "I'm sorry, but I have to Pass Gas."

"Shit man, I already told you, I couldn't care less."

So he Farts, "Puuuuuuffff"

About ten minutes later, the trucker farts too, "FFFFFuuuuuurrrp"

The two gay guys just start giggling, "Virgin"

A highschool football coach was having the worst season in the history of the school. Halfway through the homecoming game he called a time-out to try and talk some life back into his players.

"What the hell is going on out there?! Is there a problem that I am not aware of? Lets get back to the basics!"

"Johnson", he barcked at the quarterback, "Do you see this?" The coach held up the football.

"Yess'ir." Johnson replied.

"What is it?" Asked the coach.

"A football, Sir." the boy's voice was shaking.

In the most condesending voice possible the coach continued, "Do you think you can pass it?"

Already wincing and the thought of getting yelled at more Johnson replied, "Shit coach, I'm not sure I can even swallow it."

[rimshot]



[/rimshot]

-c