phrases that you shouldnt hear at work

ok since i'm a grease monkey (read that as mechanic) i should not hear computer related phrases when i am elbow deep in a diesel engine.
my boss comes out of his office to ask about my signing in off leave, i say as soon as i'm done here, i will. he says
"Shoot me a email when its done"
now should i tell him that the only computer i have access to at work is in HIS office?
but "shoot me a email" is one of his favorite phrases usually accompanied by "keep me in the loop"
so please tell me i'm not the only ones that work with morons that casually spout catch phrases. i know someone here works with someone like this

damn. I was thinking this was going to be something like " I never want to hear anyone I work with say "goddamn, I think my 'roid is bleeding down my leg" " or something.

"Take that spatula outta your ass, pull your pants up, and get back to the grill!"

that was a given, but now that you mention it one of the guys i work with was bitching about his wife and their sexual fondness for vibrators in his ass and the anal seapage they cuase, another topic i dont wish to discuss at work

i was shampooing the hair of a 75 yr old woman and she started talking about what 'kids are doing these days" and used the term Blow Job. it grossed me out. but then that isn't nearly as bad as anal seepage. :shudder:

were gonna have to go ahead and think out of the box.

its not gross or anyting but holy christ.... i used to do an admin assistant job.. and my boss was the HR guy. UGH. it was just like that fucking movie office space!!!! he would begin and end every damn sentence with "go ahead and..." and i'm sitting there thinking.. how many damn times can you fit that into one sentence!?! hehehehe i'm so glad i don't work there anymore.

the CEO's wife at a design firm i worked for in 1999 used to keep breast milk in the refrigerator. it really wasn't a big deal and no one cared. it was clearly in a baby bottle, it was obviously for the baby that came there with her.

yet easily 27 times a day she'd "joke" that everyone should watch out not to use it for their coffee.

the combinitive effect of lame joke + lame joke repetition pretty much won her the award of most awkward person in the office.

since i'd worked there mid-tech-boom, the whole place was a mess of things like envisioneer and monetize and scalable e-strategies for your vertical breakfast sandwhiches, etc.

business is such a weird pack mentality. it 's really disturbing people are transformed into these overly semantic drooling idiots over the most banal things when a buck or two is in question.

Im a paramedic. One partner and I spent a while one night discussing the imlications of a simple oops, or worse uh oh, in our line off work.

I used to work in a large warehouse for a beer distributor. There was, literally, beer stacked to the ceiling. The phrase you never wanted to hear was "Holy shit, look out!" because that meant something was falling and you were likely going to get hit with it.

repetitive joke jokes crack me up.

I admit I've used a cliché or two.... but at the seminar I attended last week was just over-the-top. They were just one taco short of a combination plate because they wanted to build a bridge to the 21st century

ahhhhhhhh

"We're having a visitor from Philly today."

all the weasels in the company, including the hatchet-man, were from the Philadelphia office. when one of them was around, it meant either people were getting laid-off or the project into which you'd just poured the last six months of your life was being shit-canned.

Hmmm...was it the vibrator in his ass or all of those WOW potato chips?

if you listened to him and his wife it was the vibrator but like i said its one of those things i dont want to talk about or even hear, sometimes

Heads Up!!

In my line of work no phrase is off limits.

"you've got a customer"

come on... even male prostitutes must get unnerved sometimes!

I prefer the term "gigolo."

if she'd pushed it to 50 i'd agree that would fall back into the "funny then not funny then even funnier than the first time" category, but instead the credits just rolled up on the joke minute one.
she was left in the theater with the curtains closing on the joke.
the houselights brightened on the joke.
ryan stiles and greg proops read the joke in a style of her choosing.
the fat lady sang about the day she sang at the joke's funeral.
mr. rogers fed the fish and changed his shoes on the joke.
ashton kutcher tries to go back in time and save the joke by telling it again and changing it slightly but finds he can't.
the red pony gets his throat drained and old yeller gets shot down on the joke.
the joke red the news today oh boy about a lucky man who made the grade.
the joke rode the snake to the sacred lake.

the joke was a loving father and devoted husband of three.

the joke was.

Have you considered the merits of He-Bitch?

thehedgehog said:
...yet easily 27 times a day she'd "joke" that everyone should watch out not to use (the breast milk)...
QUOTE]

Possible response. "Just keep your shirt on lady, we won't."

being a tattoo artist I'm subject to all kinds of bad catch phrases, the most common of which I won't even repeat here, my old boss used to be full of em and snuck them in all the time, things like "needles to say" or when asked for the time would look at his tattooed wrist and reply "tattoo o'clock" ..another old favorite of his eg: I'm doing a tattoo of a family crest on someones back, boss walks by and says "hey nice rose ..is that a rose?" ..very funny, I can almost smell the fresh burst of endorphine emanate from my customer and am forced to laugh it off but offer them a glance in the mirror just to put their mind at ease. ..then there are all of the lame jokes that each of us use on a daily basis ..funny to the customer hearing it for the first time but really intended to nausiate co-workers who are hearing it for the 1000th.