It all started one Wednesday eve working in the Arctic, some personal events lead me to decide I would be getting on an airplane the next week. To where, I did not know. I honestly never considered New York.
I got home Friday eve and had plans to snowboard the next day with Bobbie and her boy Gage. I woke up early that morning and went through my usual routine and hit up the travel agency as soon as its doors opened. "Where do you want to go?" Was the question. "$1000, leaving Sunday or Monday." Was my awnser. After an hour of checking prices it was down to two cities, Chicago and New York. So I did what anyone who knows me would expect me to do, flipped a coin or more specifically a tin of Burts Bees lip ointment. I payed the lady and bought a new camera. Sat and Sun flew by.
I didn't get a single wink of sleep the night before my 7am to Toronto. Guess I was awful excited about New York after all! What would I see and more important to me, what am I going to learn about me.
2:45 AM and I decided it was time for adventure. I texted Bobbie goodbye and Chad Cerreti by accident. Chad and I had a great conversation. Took my old Ford to YYC and waited for my flight to Toronto.
Toronto, my mom always said if I have nothing nice to say keep my mouth shut. That's Toronto. A friend of mine asked me how my camera was treating me and I replied "I'm sure as fuck not taking it out here. I'm sure the city is nice but that has got to be the ugliest Airports in this world. Toronto, fix your airport, it is the first thing people see of your city and it sucks. First impression last a lifetime.
I had a couple hours there so naturally I had a few beers and a burger at Fridays. I met a gay pianist from Delaware. I charmed him with I was 30' from a wolf a few days ago and now I'm going to New York, life is great story. This would become how I introduce myself to New Yorkers, I'm not sure how many believed me but I enjoyed it. He and I had a jolly time until I had to board my New York flight.
There was 7 people on the flight and it was quick. We land at Lagurdia, I snap a bunch of pics out the plane window and see the Pitsbouggh Steelers jet, that was neat. A drive from Ecuador who called himself Jon offered me a lift. I've become accustomed to riding in town cars and limos from airports to hotels so I agreed. You can thank shitty Vegas cabs for this luxury I afford myself.
Jon tells me all about Queens and New York on our way to the hotel. He also tells me he used to be a pizza boy. I liked Jon. We go blasting by the hotel and Jon backs up a whole city block on a one way street. My first New York adventure, it filled me with glee!! Jon and I parted ways and I checked in. Nice Hotel but something feels amiss...... We will touch on that later.
I'm settled and now have to face the decision of what to do. I head outside look up and down the street and spot a pub, Tavern 29 (because they have 30 hand crafted beers on tap, go figure.) I head that way and decide this will be home base for the trip.
On my way to the pub I get sidetracked!!! $10 phycic readings. I stare at the sign for a moment and think "Ah, fuck it!" Thanks for that Bobbie and your quirky self help books. I ring the buzzer and go in. The $10 reading quickly turns into $60. She tells me all kinds of stuff I already know, some new stuff and puts my mind at ease about some worries I have with the kids. A well spent $60 I thought. I leave with a grin and head into Tavern 29.
Tavern 29 has everything I like in a pub. It is dark rich and their is a sexy girl behind the bar. Time to bust out the wolf introduction. To my suprise the story is a complete flop. No one believed me, my life is so awesome it is beyond belief? I sulk on my stool, drink two beers and head into the street. I'm beginning to think this was a tremendous mistake.
Alas! Things are looking up, I spot a genuine New York pizza joint, I head in to gather myself back up. Two slices and a Sprite zero hit the spot. A high school Basketball team comes in and I enjoy watching them while silently reminiscing my High school glory on the court or keeping the bench warm. I am elated and thirsty for adventure again.
I decide the rest of the eve will be spent drinking one beer in every bar I come across. Pretty solid plan. I do this, meet no one, take tons of pics and after half a dozen bars I stumble back to my room and sleep like a baby, man I loved those sheets!
Tuesday! I wake up, I am excited to see what the brings. A message from B waits for me on my phone. She may not know this but I look forward to those messages every day. Just one of the many things that I appreciate about her. She is sweet. I tell her to have an amazing day as well and tell her my plan to ascend the Empire State Building in order to get a lay for the land and then conquer the New York Subway system. She is elated, mor so than me I think. I am just intimidated. I eat breakfast, visit the concierge and obtain a cheesy tourist map. Off I go.
3 blocks of walking and bam! I'm at the foot of the most amazing building I have ever seen. Naturally I step inside and much to my sure grin the inside is better than the outside. Now, I am a simple rednecked Calgary boy. The inside of this building feels like pure luxury. I am taken a back, to say the least. I buy my ticket to the top, go through security and hop on the elevator. Get out on the 85th floor, the obs deck is on the 86th and you can go all the way to the top for $17, 102nd floor. I declined as many of you know I am scared of heights. Snap as many pics as I can and absorb all the history on the building I can as well. What a majestic structure. I was curious as to how many men died during the rushed construction but I found no statistic. Seems the whole story is elusive.
After the Empire State building I decided it was time to fulfil the one and only promise I made as to what I would do in New York. I promised my mom I would take a carriage ride in Central park. Off I went in search of a subway station and North I went. I got off a few blocks from the park and was lost. I wondered around 5th ave (which would be Center street in Calgary, the Ave and Streets are opposite and the 5th on splits the island. Addresses on avenues are all followed by W or E depending on which side of 5th they are on starting at 1. A bizarre syaystem, I thought but it works so I accepted it. Not that I had any choice but it is fun to pretend. Now, where was I? Right, a promise to my mother (she hates being called that). It took me two hours to get to the park. I was sidetracked by some pretty neat stuff! The Ferrari store and the Apple store are the ones I remember best. I don't like Apple stuff, never have and never will. Their cooperate philosophies irk me. But I went in the store because Jeff Martens would have. Kiddie corner to the Apple store was the Carriage I decided to hire. An Irishman named Deckland (could this get anymore stereotypical? Thanks Cerriti for the seeing em and not making em line!) And his horse Rudy! The first time I would think of Rudy Pulsmo on this trip and grin, the second would be later that day while drinking a Stella. I digress, I hired the man and he told me about all kinds of movies and actors and rich people I really didn't care about but he enjoyed the stories and his job and who the hell am I to take that from anyone let alone an Irishman from the middle of nowhere in Ireland driving a carriage in New Yorks central park. He loved life and I admire people with that quality. $50 for twenty minutes..... Your welcome mom. Now get to New York and take your own damn carriage ride, you will love it!
Deckland did tell about something I was interested in...... The mst expensive hotel in Manhattan!! I suppose the woman I married and the one I was engaged to would have been all over this and I suppose those two enchanting souls piqued my interest. Thanks Julie and Mags. I went in, wondered around a bit. Looked at jewellery worth more than any car I've ever owned and some worth more than any house I've owned as well. Seems to be the perfect place to break a promise I made to myself not to drink whiskey anymore. I found the hotel lounge or one of them. I got bored after looking at a $250 000 pearl necklace only ZZ top could afford and I had a bourbon Manhattan in the most expensive hotel on the island, curious the drink was $2 cheaper than the Manhattans I would drink later that eve in my own hotel @ $14. Later I enquired and the most affordable room was $595 a night.......... Julie and Mags would be in their element but I wasn't, so I left. Now, my ex wife married me in shoes worth more than the dress she was wearing and she bought them in Barneys. A block from the expensive hotel. So, I walked in, through and out....... $ 1400 for a pair of shoes when the American buck was worth some money. No wonder it didn't work out. I hope she feels joy each and every day!
What to do next? I do not know. Bobbie wanted pics of time square so I figure back to the hotel to re group and I would head there. I noticed an ad in one of the maps the concierge gave me for a topless sports bar in Tiles square. Perfect! A two for one! I like boobs! So, half cut by now I head for the Subway. I stand on the platform and after some deliberation I decide I'm headed in the wrong direction. I go to the other side and board the next train. I get to Union Square which is south on the island and damn! I've gone the wrong way. I ask one of New Yorks boys in blue how to get to Times square and he points me to the exact train I wouldn't get on, so I did. Next thing I knew I was at the 28th st station, the one next to my hotel. Great I've spent an hour going in a circle. Lesson: don't ride the subway half cut when you have no idea where you are to. If I had gotten on, on the first playform I'd be at my destination. Oh well, I have another beer and try again.
Times square: reminds me of Vegas, I'm not sure why but it did. Cheetahs isn't open yet so I find a Chinese buffet and eat. Next I hit up the hard rock cafe. Cool place. I talk to a couple from Jersey and watch anothe woman hit up the bathroom to snort some cocaine. Ya folks, big city. I have two Guineess and head to cheetahs for some fun and fun I do find. So much fun I ran out around 830 to keep my morality and bank account in decent standing.
Next thing I knew I was sitting in my hotels lobby drinking Manhattans again. Finally, my wolf story grabs hold. Ally (Bartender), lawyer guy, arrogant short dude cat guy and I can't remember the last guys nickname but it will come to me. I ended up being called the crazy canuck. They all agreed I lived the most interesting life. Who would have thought? Hemmingway!! That was the last guys nickname. Lots of bullshit and laughs. Lawyer guy talked of his friend "Rip" who was quite the guy. Get this, Rip quit his job in LA to throw his buddies a party. Took him two months of squatting and building a sudo bar and stealing a 65' inflatable dinosaur to get er done. We all agreed Rip was nuts except Hemmingway, who though he was a genius. I decided Hemmingway was off and he became my favourite of the group. I drank till I was sleepy and went to bed. I should have stayed up but I am notorious for being the first to bed and this was no exception. Later I learned the whole group went out but was un eventful eve. Another win for going to bed early.
I was very hung over the next day. I didn't really do much. Hung out at the hotel and Tavern 29. Met a guy named Nicholas from Brooklyn and ended up buying him some beers. It felt good and Canada was cheered. I was glad I could be a good diplomat. I had a few more beers at the hotel and went to bed.
........... Continued. Well, not exactly true. That next day I did do some pretty cool stuff. I awoke with a pounding headache and a dry dry throat. The first thing that popped into my head is I don't feel like being a tourist today so I'm gonna get a tattoo. Bobbie tried to talk me out of it, something about thin blood from drinking and excessive bleeding. Well that did it, I'm getting ink today no matter what!! I got on Google, researched some shops and settled on the closest one to the hotel...... I'm hungover and don't want to walk.
I get to the shops front door at 1100, I've had a cup of coffee, I'm hungover and the shop doesn't open till noon. The door is open so I go up the three flights of really neato artwork on the walls and am greeted by a bulldog. I decide I've made the right decision. The owner of the dog is friendly and says come back at noon, we will set you up. Now for anyone who is not in tune with tattoo culture, if you want a good artist you typically have to wait a few months for an appointment and these guys make $100-$300 an hour. Not bad. The fact that they would get me in today set off a flag but I ignored it.
I better eat! New York has great food and you can find it cheap. Anyone who says the city is expensive is likely a pretentious asshole and has no idea how to dig into local culture. I find a Jewish deli and decide this is my place to eat. A massive Vegetarian calzone and a Snapple $7.68. I almost didn't finish it but was too yummy to not.
After being fed up and half an hour of wondering I walk into Red Rocket Tattoo just before noon. They inform me I can get tattoed right meow. Super Trropers comes to mind and I grin!! I talk to the artist and we settle on two hours for $300. My red flag disappears, this guy knows his shit. Danny Mirro born almost exactly a year before me and been professional since 2002. He sets up his fave machine, informs me it is an ass kicker and he like to press hard. Says he wants the in "in there". No pain, no gain. "Are you ready Lyndon?", I don't reply and he starts without hesitation. I like his style. It wasn't near as bad as he described. We talk for a bit, basic small chat. He tells me "He loves tattooing visitors to New York and we settle into a comfortable silence. I watch his magic, note the different sensations along my chosen part and enjoy the funny faces he makes. Getting inked is a very personal experience and an exercise in trust...... And down right scary.
2 hours pass by and he is done. I love the new artwork, thank him. He tells me it was a fun tat for him and hopes he can ink me again. Strange bond built. I hope I can have him work on me again too. I pay him and collect all the free swag I can. Free is good!
Then back to Tavern 29, Nick from Brooklyn and finish off my day in the Hotel lobby drinking with some guys from Edmonton...... Sheesh, Edmonton! And hit the hay early.
Up at two AM and very very hungry I walk to Mc D's and get a big Mac.
My last morning I wake up early and ride the subway to the south end of the island. The New York subway is one of the most wonderful places I have been. So much culture, all walks of life and quite a feat moving 30 million people with such efficiency. By far my favourite part of New York.
I get off on Wall street and snap some pics of some buildings and walk to the river to see the Brooklyn bridge. It was neat but I was tired and cold.
I wonder around for a bit, get as close to the statue of liberty as I can and decide the French are pretty good folks. At this point I decide I am out of time and don't want to miss the flight home so I head back to the hotel.
Riding the subway home I reflect on the trip and am sad to leave this place and sad this is my last train ride. Seriously, I love the Subway!!
Packed up, checked out and at the Airport, guess what my plane I two hours late. Good thing I got there early. I drink some beers, do some writing and reading, then have a nap. Finally I'm on my way home. I cry some as I take off. Tears of joy. I am so thankful for this experience, the people I have met and most of all for the people at home who love me. I really do live an interesting amazing life full of joy, love and prosperity. I thank god for the blessings.
My son, the most important person I know is waiting for me at YYC. We are about to have an amazing weekend together with Bobbie and Gage, the next to nearest my heart. As I write this we near West Edmonton Mall and its waterpark and a new adventure. I am so thankful!!!
To those who take the time to read this, thank you and each and every one of you are important to me and are an intragal part of my joy in life. Thanks so much for being you!
Sincerely Lyndon Stinson
beatupbandit
Canada
July 2012
JAN 25, 2013 08:44 AM