Q. I’ve been married for two years and my wife told me she wants to separate. It’s been three months and everything I do or see reminds me of her. I want to move away but I’m on probation and can’t. I’ve tried dating other women but every time I go on a date all I can focus on is how it’s not the same as with my wife. She’s already moved on and I see no hope of us getting back together. What should I do?
A: You need to focus on you. You have devoted two years to 'us' and she left. For that I have empathy for you, but now it’s seriously all about you.
Going on the odd date here and there is healthy but don't over do it. I think you need to find yourself again in the aftermath of a relationship that very much defined you. It’s sad when people separate but sometimes that’s just the way it is.
Now it’s time to reintroduce yourself to yourself, get new hobbies, go to new bars, join a new gym, get a new hair style even. Find new friends, and also reconnect with old ones who perhaps fell by the wayside as you put more energy into the relationship.
For the moment, instead of looking to replace one relationship with another, build up your social circle and social life, so you have plenty of support and distractions. This will also help you when you are ready to find love again, to perhaps find it in a more organic and less overwhelming way through friends and friends of friends.
It’s going to be difficult, but you’re worth more then you know. Take a deep breath and hold your head up high. Your new life is beginning. You can only move forwards from here.
Sounds like you love her. Losing her is a grief causing experience. Spend the time to grieve, process it, and move on. Don't stay, set up camp, and live there from now on though! We can only participate in a vibrant healthy relationship, when we are comfortable with being alone. I have to be healthy on my own before I can be part of a healthy relationship. When you find yourself comparing others to her, just stop yourself already! Tell those thoughts they are not helpful and that they should just go somewhere else!
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I'm lost
SEP 24, 2012 07:03 AM