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Bradley

Bradley

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

SEP 03, 2012 07:03 AM

by Bradley Suicide



I, like so many of us, grew up loving ‘80s classics. The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Saint Elmo’s Fire, on and on. I could recite these movies word for word, line by line when I was growing up, and to tell you the truth, still can.

The movie that took the cake for me was, by far, Sixteen Candles. Something about it captivated me. And of course, I was enthralled with the smoldering and sexy Jake Ryan, just like almost every other girl. With that amazing bone structure and those perfectly gorgeous piercing bedroom eyes, he had my heart beating out of control (I have to pause and take a moment).

In case you live under a rock and haven’t seen Sixteen Candles, I will take this opportunity to tell you to pause your reading and pick up where you’ve left off once you have watched every amazingly corny moment of it in its entirety.

The other day this slice of ‘80s awesomeness was on TV so I flipped it on while I got ready for work. Somewhere towards the end of the movie between when Samantha’s sister is in the middle of her drug induced nuptials and when that limo pulls away revealing the ever breathtaking Jake sitting there waiting for Samantha it hit me, Jake Ryan was a douche bag.

Plain and simple.

After carefully mulling over the key moments in the film that led me to this conclusion, I was dumbfounded that it had taken me so long to realize this. Between throwing a Project X style party and destroying his parents home, being an asshole to his girlfriend, then basically pimping her out in a rufied state to some random dude he doesn’t know, and lending a kid without a license his dad’s Rolls Royce…well I am pretty sure all of that has nut sack written all over it. The cherry on top of all of it is that horrible scene where Jake and his friend appear to be doing innumerous pull-ups, only when the camera to pans out you realize that in true bro fashion they have been standing on the ground the whole time thinking they are hot shit. Watching it now, it kind of reminds me of Mike “The Situation” from Jersey Shore!

Long after the candles on the cardboard cake had been blown out and the credits had rolled, I was still reeling. I began looking at the guys that I am attracted to and re-evaluating the relationships that I have had, both short and long, with this new epiphany in mind. And then, Doh! Facepalm! The pieces fell into place. Things like this are the reason I, and so many other girls, like assholes. We are conditioned to like the guy that is a complete douche at times because it has been beaten into us since our youth. Not to say there isn’t other conditioning that I am sure is involved, but humor me here.

On top of it all, and I am sure people are going to rip me a new one for this, but the ending of this movie is so far from the scope of reality that it’s insane. When on earth has this happened? In a high school setting, when has the smoldering, popular, sexy as all hell dude ever left his perfect ten girlfriend for a chick that he doesn’t know and that is by no means bad looking but definitely wouldn’t turn your head? Never. It doesn’t happen. Berate me all you want for this, but you cannot say that I am wrong. (I didn’t blossom until after high school and was very awkward for most of it, so I was definitely on the plain side of that coin.)

And I know it isn’t just me that this crap has subconsciously affected, go ahead and flip on the radio to Taylor Swift, her songs are all filled with this exact scenario, which in turn is screwing over yet another generation of females who are being set up with the same recipe for heartache and disaster that Sixteen Candles so generously left my generation. It’s a vicious cycle.

Now that I have come to this conclusion, I can actively work on trying to pick better dudes. Like guys that treat me well, who don’t pimp me out to people when I’m inebriated, and who actually can do pull-ups. I don’t think it’s too much to ask, but thus far this seems to be a pretty tall order.

And there you have it, my Jake Ryan theory.

You’re welcome.

Xoxo
Bradley

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LaceyK

LaceyK

Tarrytown, NY
October 2005

SEP 03, 2012 07:48 AM

So women can't think for themselves and only do what they have learned in movies.
Gotcha!

Whew. Happy to know I no longer need to take responsibility for my shitty choices in life. And that it can all be boiled down to watching Sixteen candles and I assume Grease, as well.

And to think I actually paid to go to therapy at one time when I all I needed to do was stop watching movies.

hor

hor

I'm lost
June 2005

SEP 03, 2012 09:17 AM


I have a sudden urge to eat kettle corn and listen to Alanis Morissette.

LaceyK

LaceyK

Tarrytown, NY
October 2005

SEP 03, 2012 12:06 PM

I also would love to know how and why your writing style, tone, and voice changed in less than a month. It's like a completely different person is writing these.

ardour

ardour

Canada
March 2006

SEP 03, 2012 01:16 PM

I dunno, I heard about half of a Taylor Swift song last week and I ended up feeling sorry for the guy it was about... because she didn't make it sound like she was an easy person to be dating. Haha. It's all perspective. That's why I liked that Goyte song, FAIR AND BALANCED. wink

I'd say it's more likely other attractive features about a guy just make it easier to ignore the douchey ones. I remember Angelina Jolie in hackers being kind of a bitch, but it was easy to ignore because it was a movie and she was just really really hot. Attraction is weird for everyone. I'd say that usually I don't find myself attracted to someone if they have an ugly or incompatible personality, but just sometimes I do. The key is to listen to your brain, which took me some practice.

NobodySirius

NobodySirius

USA
September 2011

SEP 03, 2012 03:34 PM

Bradley, you deserve a hug and an award for this. The other side of course is that nice guys are not considered a commodity. They spend every relationship wondering why the laws of physics are so F'd up.
Here's to producing movies where the douche bag gets dumped! Cheers!

Metaverse

Metaverse

USA
March 2005

SEP 03, 2012 05:27 PM

LaceyK said:
I also would love to know how and why your writing style, tone, and voice changed in less than a month. It's like a completely different person is writing these.



Indeed.

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

I'm lost
January 2006

SEP 03, 2012 06:18 PM

There is no Shermer in Illinois!

Dally007

Dally007

Denver, CO
June 2009

SEP 03, 2012 06:53 PM

The non-Jake Ryan guy (meaning me) hopes that a lot more women finally have this epiphany! Thanks for sharing! :-)

Sadista

Sadista

Charlotte, NC
November 2006

SEP 03, 2012 07:13 PM

It's a John Hughes comedy. Anyone looking for their ideal anything in that movie only has themselves to blame for not getting that it's a comedy.

That pull-up scene? Classic sight gag, not douchebaggery.

And if I recall, Jake Ryan was probably the nicest guy in the movie. That movie is filled with assholes and idiots, because it's a comedy, and assholes and idiots are funny.

bonediggy

bonediggy

USA
December 2011

SEP 03, 2012 07:17 PM

i love sixteen candles. also, the breakfast club. but that's just 'cause i always had a crush on molly ringwald. but you're right, we totally condition our little girls fall for douche bags. we also fail to teach our little boys how to treat little girls. and worse yet for many that do learn when they're young struggle with being ignored for so long that they grow up and pay some tool to teach them how be a douche so's they can pick up girls. it's a sad state, but the first step to fixing it is to acknowledge it. wink

hotcurry

hotcurry

Los Angeles, CA
June 2004

SEP 03, 2012 07:38 PM

Metaverse said:

LaceyK said:
I also would love to know how and why your writing style, tone, and voice changed in less than a month. It's like a completely different person is writing these.



Indeed.



This. Also, "you" didn't grow up with these films. "You're" way too young. With so many great writers on SG, why are these trite pieces of garbage still being run?

-Confessions of a reluctant member

infamousmj

infamousmj

Worcester, MA
August 2012

SEP 03, 2012 08:40 PM

Girls do like assholes because they think they can try to change them or they take the "thrill" they offer.

I'm a nice guy but I've tried to do a nice mix of being nice and being an asshole in a sarcastic way. Being nice is just to boring.

I dont think a full out nice guy will ever win. there has to be a mix of good and asshole. that's just how i see it

Brambleberry

Brambleberry

HOPEFUL

Eugene, OR

SEP 03, 2012 09:48 PM

hotcurry said:

Metaverse said:

LaceyK said:
I also would love to know how and why your writing style, tone, and voice changed in less than a month. It's like a completely different person is writing these.



Indeed.



This. Also, "you" didn't grow up with these films. "You're" way too young. With so many great writers on SG, why are these trite pieces of garbage still being run?

-Confessions of a reluctant member



Just thought I would point out that I myself grew up on these movies, and before you say I am too young my mother who is 58 didn't let us watch recent movies. We got black and whites like Nosferatu. I don't think age has anything to do with it hotcurry.

aside from that I agree about the Jake Ryan idea of this article. yes while it is a comedy they are portraying him as the HUNK, the guy to have etc.. they never show a truly nice and romantic side to him. He is simply the douche bag. Remember in Pretty in Pink the nicest guy in the world Ducky who always has molly ringwald's back and is always encouraging her in everything she does, well he never gets anything but heartache all the while the HUNK gets the girl even though he was mean to her, let his friends talk shit about her, and then after seeing how pretty she looks says some sweet words so he can go to prom with her after all.

Sadista

Sadista

Charlotte, NC
November 2006

SEP 03, 2012 11:36 PM

Kaula said:


aside from that I agree about the Jake Ryan idea of this article. yes while it is a comedy they are portraying him as the HUNK, the guy to have etc.. they never show a truly nice and romantic side to him. He is simply the douche bag. Remember in Pretty in Pink the nicest guy in the world Ducky who always has molly ringwald's back and is always encouraging her in everything she does, well he never gets anything but heartache all the while the HUNK gets the girl even though he was mean to her, let his friends talk shit about her, and then after seeing how pretty she looks says some sweet words so he can go to prom with her after all.



Jake Ryan is not the only asshole in the movie. Most of the characters are pretty douchey, and John Hughes was pretty good at depicting the frequently mean-spirited and shallow, and occasionally romantic nature of the teenager.

Dimples

Dimples

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

SEP 04, 2012 06:38 PM

love it bradley!

LEtranger

Letranger

Brooklyn, NY
September 2005

SEP 04, 2012 07:08 PM

look at every popular male sex symbol and there's definitely a dose of douchebag there.

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

I'm lost
January 2006

SEP 04, 2012 09:33 PM

Kaula said:
Remember in Pretty in Pink the nicest guy in the world Ducky who always has molly ringwald's back and is always encouraging her in everything she does, well he never gets anything but heartache all the while the HUNK gets the girl even though he was mean to her, let his friends talk shit about her, and then after seeing how pretty she looks says some sweet words so he can go to prom with her after all.



Yeah, but Duckie fits the classic 'nice guy' meme. He's only been being nice to Andie (Molly Ringwald) because he wants a romantic relationship. When he tries to cash in the 'nice guy points' he feels he's been earning, and she shoots him down, he goes mental.

Granted, at the end of the movie, Duckie does semi-redeem himself.

schiavona

schiavona

Chapel Hill, NC
July 2004

SEP 05, 2012 02:08 AM

Yes, it's true. Good guys are not a hot commodity. We are often not flashy, super risk takers. We often tend to be steady, thoughtful and calm. Not necessarily what many young women (or men) are looking for. Later in life we can be more ppreciated. I am lucky that I was persistent and caught K_Rex's heart early on, so i didn't have to wait 15 years.

Onyxstorm

Onyxstorm

USA
December 2011

SEP 06, 2012 07:37 PM

Some girls just aren't worth being with.

They want the asshole guys, let them have them. Helps us pick out the sane girls from the ones just looking for a thrill.

Alicee

Alicee

SUICIDEGIRL

Nevada, USA

SEP 07, 2012 08:22 PM

love it kiss

Totem

Totem

I'm lost
December 2008

SEP 09, 2012 12:03 PM

LaceyK said:
So women can't think for themselves and only do what they have learned in movies.
Gotcha!



Well women think it's more than okay to bash slim models in magazines/the magazines themselves for influencing girls at an impressionable age (and women of all ages). Clearly women have a degree of autonomy over their own lives but they learn from somewhere. I don't see much difference between that and what Bradley has said.


LaceyK said:
I also would love to know how and why your writing style, tone, and voice changed in less than a month. It's like a completely different person is writing these.



Damned for writing poorly last month, damned for improving this month.
I thought this article was written in a more realistic voice and written well. Props to Bradley for the improvement.

If you are wondering why I have only picked your particular comments to respond to LaceyK, it's nothing personal and I realise others have agreed with you/said much the same thing. Your comments were just first. smile