NEWS: Life Beyond the Bar Scene: No One Nails the Cry Face and Other Tales of Woe

CULTURE: Life Beyond the Bar Scene: No One Nails the Cry Face and Other Tales of Woe

by Laurelin



It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I’ve been in a serious rut lately. I don’t know if it has to do with my approaching 30th birthday, my increased responsibility at work, my lack of any romantic interest in anyone besides an ex that I just want out of my head, or a lethal combination of all of these things. Either way, I haven’t been very happy lately, and I really don’t feel like myself. I feel…lost. Sad. Alone. Rejected. Like I’m standing in a crowded room screaming -- and no one can hear me, or the ones who can just don’t care.

I know it is nothing more than a temporary hiccup in an otherwise smooth existence, so I have been dealing with this the best way I know how: drinking, reading, working out, whatever. I’m choosing one night a week to do something really fun and taking it to the next level in a vain attempt to forget that for one second, when I go home, I will probably just start to cry about the same thing over and over again.

The one constant in my recent fall from my ever-perfect life is my ex-boyfriend from a few years ago. He was the person who inspired me to start writing this column; first in anger, then as time went on in friendship and in unwavering support. He moved to Los Angeles about five months ago. His leaving made me feel like a part of my life was seriously over. I felt conflicted; devastated and happy at the same time. This city eats bartenders alive, and he was ready for a change. We always said we would go together, and when we broke up I was the one dead set on leaving… but I wound up staying, and months later, he left, and I cried.

He knows me better than most of my girlfriends, and when I call him drunk and crying about another guy at 4 AM, he always answers and he always knows just what to say. Just hearing his voice on the other end of the line is like being thrown a rope, something to keep me hanging on for just a little bit longer.

“You were crying about birthday cake,” he said the other morning, “it was cute, and sad.” Birthday cake, the one that I had custom made for a guy who never showed up for his party I helped plan in Boston, and who shut off his phone when I called to ask what was going on. Instead, I carted the cake home to my apartment and my roommates and we tore it apart; ate half of it and threw the rest in the trash. And I got drunk and I cried, because I was an idiot to care about someone who never cared for me, again.

And then, a few weeks ago, my ex called from LA to say he was coming home. He had had enough of California, and for once, I didn’t cry. He was coming home and finally, maybe, things could get back to normal. He’s been back for two days, and when I woke up this morning I was tangled up in him and for once, I didn’t feel lost.

I woke up, I took his clothes and I washed them with mine. I pulled his old dusty Tupperware container out of the closet and got him new socks and underwear and one of his T-shirts. I made coffee while he slept, and when he woke up he rubbed my back because I had run twelve miles in the rain the day before and I was cold and sore, and we were happy.

We might not be together anymore, and I don’t want to be, to be honest. We’re clearly both lost, but we take care of each other, for now. Sometimes, when you’re in a rut it’s nice to have someone throw you a rope. Other times it’s nice to have someone climb down and sit there with you until you’re ready to muster the strength to get out on your own.



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It's good that you feel better. Just a week ago, I stopped seeing a girl who was probably the coldest girl I ever met. She confused me and spun my brains around and left. She just up and took off for Canada for some reason. I'm not offended or hurt but she just confused the shit outta me. She told me to visit her in Whitehorse during my break but I don't wanna start that shit again. Really bad timing, too, that girl. I'll feel better, too, I presume, or at least just forget about it.

I think a lot of people are in that boat...caring for someone who doesn't care about them. I've been in situation more times than not. Eventually, you realize you deserve better and move on.

I love being the Silver Medal.

I am glad to hear that you no longer felt lost, even if only for a moment.

I think I need me a rope...Glad you found one!

Its nice to read the deeper and more personal facets of someones life online (an environment that is so non-conducive to 'personal' facets). It seems like most blogs, twitters and facebook posts are veritable fast-food dialogues meant to suppress the grumbles of a boredom induced emotional hunger. Well, that or an effort at forced wit and humor to cast a runway light for any stray plane that will land on someones international airport of 'me'.

Thanks for sharing you. Hope you find what your looking for in the end.