NEWS: Confessions of a Shy Gamer

it's a little frightening how much i relate to all that. honestly, i don't game that much anymore (when i do, they're mostly games designed with one person in mind), and i've moved on to other solitary geeky hobbies.

This article does hit close to home: I have social anxiety and hate talking on the phone with a burning passion. I usually play multiplayer games that allow me to be the quiet guy, like shooters and whatnot, but some games require communication and that can be a challenge. Earning the achievement for beating all of the stories in Left 4 Dead on the hardest difficulty was a challenge for me, but only because it requires actual communication with the three others you play with, instead of just sitting back and blasting away.

I'm pretty much the same way.

Though I can't say Im really down with the mass marketed geek/nerd/gamer "culture" that all the "cool" kids are buying into these days. I bet there are still plent of real nerds, geeks and gamers getting shoved into lockers by hipster jock douchebags wearing "the cake is a lie" t-shirts.

I do like games that do not require any co-op participation as well with excellent engaging stories.

The mass effect and dragons age series were godsends for me because it meant I didn't have to rely on anyone but me to enjoy the full content of the game.

Same as the civilization series as well as the bioshock series.

This is very much me.

I loved World of Warcraft, but I stopped playing when I ran out of content that I could do by myself, and the game began to focus on player v. player content.

I also hate talking on the phone; to the point where I'll go the pizza place and order a pizza in person, then wait in my car for 20 minutes till it's ready, instead of phoning ahead for it.

While I like the occasional online multiplayer session it tends to be only with people I actually know already... and I'm generally much more concerned with the single player experience of any given game.

As far as watching others play (single player) goes, I usually find it boring even if it's a game that I like.

As a less-shy gamer, I love board games. Me, a handful of known friends, maybe one new person being introduced to the group, a bowl of snacks, and a few hours of fun. For those of us who never learned to keep the momentum of a conversation going with small talk, the game fills in the gaps.

There are plenty of shooters with good storylines. Not all are first person but there are a lot. Not all are of course because not everyone wants that. In the gaming industry it gives your title a lot more longevity if you have a good multiplayer experience. But there are games that have recently proven that you don't have to be a multiplayer game to have an amazing stream of DLC. Like Fallout 3 and Borderlands. Bioshock and Deadspace were amazing. I'm not really a big Single player gamer but I remember being on edge playing them. But it's definitely true. You aren't going to get the same satisfaction out of a game unless you go online with other people. Of course you always have an option of muting everyone else on most games. Brink though.. They wanted to force people to interact with each other and that was a main focus in that game. In my opinion I found Brink hard to play (on Xbox) because of the gaming communitys unwillingness to work as a team... and lag issues. They supposedly patched the AI though because the AI was terrible. But I don't think it's unfair for games to be more multiplayer than singleplayer. You have your view and then there is the other side of the fence wishing they could play a CO-OP version of LA NOIRE. OH Portal 2 single player is amazing but I haven't found anyone to do co-op with me so i understand this because I AM missing out on half the game. But I will find someone and force them to play with me. Being shy stinks but it's not a bad thing being force to interact with people.

I am a bit older than the demographic for this site so i grew up playing on systems where the main course for gaming was single-player, story based games on both the PC and gaming systems.

When online-gaming first became wildly popular i kind of forced myself into it. But whenever i buy a game, i still look into the single player end of it before a purchase. I always preferred playing by myself and still do. I would join groups and squads to play but quickly found myself bored, irritated or just upset with the squad or group and end up not taking part in it anymore.

When a game comes out and it relies heavily on the multiplayer mode and lacks heavily on the single player mode it doesn't rank high on my list to purchase. My idea of a good time, even to this day is sitting at home with a gaming system and just enjoying the company i am with, that doesn't make finding a girl in my age group easy.

What also doesn't help is that i absolutely hate talking on the phone, i can text for hours and hours, i can talk for about .0003 seconds before i become irritated with being stuck on the phone.

I hate the world, usually people are a nuisance to me. But its cool to have close friends and girlfriends to drink booze and get high.

Dont label yourself and dont as you please.

Dont expect anything, people doesnt care of what you.

Just make it a goal to enjoy life in your own terms, and fuck the world

I relate completely to that!! For example yesterday I have bought LA Noire, abd at the same time I ordered Gears of war 3 (It will be AWESOME) and the guy tells me that I get the beta for it but I knew it was an online beta and I refuse to take it cause I don't want to play with others I just want to kill Locust!! I like to play co-op but only with friends-and I don't mean xbox friends but real life friends that I know a lot and sometimes for years. So maybe not more than 5 people in the world!! I play sometimes to sports games and everyone tries to convince me that it's a lot better experience to play online, but I don't care!! I don't want to play against a 10 year old...and getting my ass kicked!! So hail to all gamers!!

I'm 100% with you. I'm not shy, but i've been a gamer since age 5! I have a master sword and Hyrulian shield hanging on my bedroom wall, a lithograph of 38 video game characters framed in the living room and thousands and thousands of happily wasted hours in front of computers and consoles kicking major megaboss ass ^_^ Looks like you're awesome.

Here's the real problem: Everything seems to be exclusive.

It seems like everyone is looking for something from you, and when you don't have "it", or something to contribute, albeit a witty comment or pop culture reference, you're driven further into introversion.

I, personally, haven't found a nitch of my own. I was a weird art kid in High School, overweight, and so some might think I was introverted, but in reality I just had nothing to contribute to the conversation. As I started college I began to come out of my shell and try new and different things, enlisted, lost the weight, became more jockish and kind of an asshole. These things weren't me however, and so I've found myself drifting back into the recesses of my mind.

I know enough about games, played enough, and can relate to your post above in as many ways as the next. I'm not a 'gamer' though, for the same reasons you listed. I'll play multi-player, but do my own thing, and mute everyone else on live. I'll also play the campaign two or three times before venturing into other areas of the game.

But I know I'd be less of an introvert if I were given the opportunity. Not talking 100 people parties or anything, but given an environment free of expectations, silent ridicule, and exclusion, I think we'd all have a lot more to offer, would be more willing to contribute, all of us introverts, semi-introverts, and the others who fall into a little of every category.

I just started playing online about a year ago. It started with family and friends only, very slowly going into new people I did not know.
I play 90% single player, but I WILL play things like Borderlands and the Left 4 Dead(s) with others. Left 4 Dead because there are no level ups or stupid shit (it's 4 shmucks surviving the zombie infestation)
There are a few souls on here I have played with (and still do when schedules permit) that have been a ton o' fun. And that's it, not to be a "serious" gamer.... having fun, killing time (& zombies?)

I understand where you're coming from, Bob, and although I don't fully relate, I do relate a great deal more than I thought I would, which is saying something. The problem with multiplayer is that it allows story developers and game writers to cut corners; why bother providing a rich story mode experience when everyone's just going to play multiplayer anyway? As a writer, or at least someone haughty enough to call himself one, I'm usually pretty annoyed by this. I can't get into MMORPGs because there isn't a conclusion; I already live one life, I like my fantasies to have a conclusion.
Alas, people will do what makes the most money with as little work as possible. Lamentable, yes, but there isn't a whole lot we can do about it. It's zeitgeist. Frankly, I've made a shift to puzzle games and more RPGs. For now, it's probably the best us gamers can do.
Chin up, Bob. Excellent article. I was captivated, start to finish.

(P.S. - We do have rights too, but we're all as shy as you are, we probably have a largely ineffective lobby.

This post said exactly what I've been thinking for a while.

That's excatly what I was going to say.

Yeah I'm not reading all the comments, too much. You don't have to talk to the other people, just wipe the floor with everybody and leave when you get your end match rewards (and yes I can very much relate to what you say)

Nice post !

Couple years ago, i pass from a popular guy whit a big crowd of ''friend'' to a hardcore gamer really fast. I didtch all those ppl cause...well i dont qui remember the reason except maybe they were less entertaining then the games i was playing. But anyway, i always told myself, during my hardcore phase, that my social ability to blend in whoever crowd i wanna get into where still there and powerfull as before. So if i would feel alone, i could just drop the hardcore gaming for some old good relationship whit a real person. Thats where i was wrong.
Like hardcore gaming, it took a long time to be a pro and you have to work (generaly) hard to get better then average joe, good. For the few time i try to go back to social real life whitout a real succes. Even as today, if there is no particularly purpose to a meeting, like work related or meet a stranger playing a game ( for exemple:p )and starting discussing strat whit him, well, im really not good anymore at it. I feel like im loosing my time...
So anyway, i'have like reading your post, and in the futur,you could try to enlarge your horizon and go play co-op online whit other ppl, it wont bite you :p

I don't have much of a problem starting a conversation nowadays, however, I HATE when my audience listens to me quietly without chiming in. I feel like a motormouth then get a bit antsy during the dead silence. I've always thought I was a better listener and I can keep my speaker's conversation going just fine. The same holds true for phone conversations. Once a few seconds of dead silence hits, I'm ready to say my "Goodbye" and move on with my day.

It's really the small talk that bothers me. It's for this reason that I still to this day can't just walk up to a girl at the bar, to give a cliche example. I'm with Louis C.K. when he says, "The first thing out of my mouth is complete shit." I'm not an ice breaker; but if the ice is thawing (a signal), I can speed up the process just fine and roll into conversation.

With regards to online gaming, I used to gab a whole lot with VOIP/Ventrilo when I was first introduced to online gaming. That behavior pretty much died within the last two years with my exit from World of Warcraft ironically. I'm more the "solo player" nowadays in whatever game I decide to play and only socialize with RL friends in game. I don't really need social interactions with the general public to enjoy my MMOs/FPS games. Oh, and yes, I'll probably be the jerk that breaks from the team to try and be a one man army . I'm all about my Kill/Death ratio and there isn't a damn thing you can tell me!

With regards to actual gameplay, I'm one of many folks that have been assimilated into the online gaming world. I have a handful of games with decent to great single player stories that I either progressed maybe an hour into or completely bypassed for multiplayer:

Doom 3
Half Life 2 (bought it for CS; Source in 04)
Battlefield: Bad Company 2

The only exception with my recent purchases in the past year is Starcraft 2-I love the campaign mode and generally only play against computers online. I also played through the COD: Black Ops campaign before diving into online play. It took me a few months to adjust to COD's gameplay for some strange reason. I had to play the campaign on Easy difficulty, but now that I'm holding my own in online play, I don't feel a need to re-play the Campaign on a harder difficulty.

tl;dr version I can't approach a girl unless she gives a lead and I'll shoot you in the face in Call of Duty: Black Ops. A lot.

Hey, Bob? Do me a favor and stop reading my mind tben posting it online. I'm shy like that. in other words: agreed 100%.

This feel very close to home

In my mid-20s I forced myself to become more extroverted, as the shyness thing was clearly working against me. I'd been a tabletop gamer for many years already, which at least gave me a base to work from. A few years of LARP as player and storyteller was like bimonthly implosion therapy -- be social!

I'm a less social gamer now than I used to be, though. I met a ton of people through EverQuest and ultimately became a raid-guild leader. Going into EQ2 I retired that mantle and resisted doing anything outside my guild. Just not feeling very social online anymore, and tabletop gaming fills my needs nicely.

-TTm