NEWS: Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony

CULTURE: Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony

by SG's Team Agony feat. Smythe and Aadie

Let us answer life's questions - because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Smythe in There Is A Light]

Q: I'm 18 and a female. I'm lesbian and I'm extremely shy. In the town I live there aren't many lesbians or anything like that. My problem is, I don't know how to find out whether a girl I like is lesbian, or even how to find lesbians anywhere around here. How can you tell (without making a complete ass out of myself) whether a girl is lesbian? And if I finally work up the courage to go to a lesbian bar in a different city, how do you approach other lesbians?



A: I would say there are probably more ladies who love ladies in your town than first meets the eye. Contrary to conservative belief, there is no way to tell if someone walking down the street is a lesbian. Best bet on how to figure out if you're hanging out with a girl who likes girls is to ask what type of people she's attracted to. She may have only dated guys, but that doesn't mean she's ruled out ladies.

Have you tried online dating? It could help with getting into a bigger dating pool and ease your nerves a bit, as you'd be able to establish a potential partner’s orientation and chat to them before meeting face to face. If you decide to go the bar route, maybe bring a friend with you to keep you grounded. Sometimes it's easier to talk to other people when it's not one-on-one.

It might also be worth looking into whether there are gay and lesbian groups in your community or adjacent communities? They often have social get-togethers, and it's a good way to meet people without it being as charged of a situation as a bar can be.

Finally, try and remember that people are people. It's totally harder to do once you've got your eye on someone, but you've got to put yourself out there at some point!

Smythe
Xoxox

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[Aadie in Time Out]

Q: I'm 16 years old. I've been dating this guy for about a year and a half. He is two years older than me, and he's absolutely wonderful. The problem is he moved halfway across the country about seven months ago. I was fine at first since we talk on the phone a lot. But when I was not talking to him, I would feel alone. And now he's gone off to basic training for the military, and his life is moving away from mine.

Since then I’ve slipped into a deep depression that we cannot seem to find the cause of. I have a theory; I believe it is because I feel like a bird locked in a cage. Sure, he's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me, but he's so far away and it's hard for me to deal with. On top of that, I feel like I'm wasting my teenage years on this romance that seems hopeless. For the longest time he was the only person in my eyes, but that has changed. I've met other people, guys and girls alike, that I feel emotional connections with on a romantic level.

I just wonder if it's the right thing to stay with him? Or if I should end it with him like I've been thinking about and move on with my life?

A: I do not want to make your decision for you, but I will offer my best insight. You are a 16-year old girl, and this 'apple of your eye' has moved half way across the country. His career is clearly a priority for him at this juncture (which is no bad thing), and now you’re sitting at home in a funk! You need to go out, you need to grow, you need to enjoy your own life. Mr 'Right' is more of a Mr 'Right Now' if you ask me.

Your boyfriend may be sweet and wonderful, and, when you’re together he may make you happy, but honey, this is not a fair relationship for either of you. If you spend all your time waiting for the boy that left for military training to come home to you, you’ll miss out on so much, and all this time will have been lost to you. Who even knows if he’ll be the same boy that left you when he returns.

You’re only 16! He's special, but there will be way more special people in your life to come, and you’ll miss out on all of them if you continue to stay at home in this state of depression.

The fact that you've been thinking about ending your relationship only shows that you do in fact really know what’s best for you. You are not wrong in thinking that at all. I believe you’re showing a great deal of maturity. You already know what is actually the healthiest choice for yourself - and even for him.

Ultimately, any break you decide to take could turn out to be temporary - if it’s meant to be, you'll get together again later. But it’s not right for now, and at the very least, if you agree to take an amicable break, neither of you will miss out on other opportunities and adventures life may bring.

Good Luck Hun!

Aadie

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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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