by Darrah de jour

In the United States, faith-based abstinence-only programs in schools have received $ 1.3 Billion in government funding between 1982-2008. This “save yourself until marriage” agenda has a 90% failure rate. Rationalizing this kind of spending on an essentially faith-based agenda – as opposed to comprehensive sex education, which teaches students about birth control, such as condoms, as well as abstinence – in a country that has a supposed buffer (yeah, right) between church and state begs any thoughtful, sex-loving or even moderately literate human being to ask WTF?

And that is exactly what bubbly blonde actress-turned-filmmaker Cassie Jaye of Jaye Bird Productions wanted to explore in her Cannes Film Festival award winning documentary Daddy I Do.

She says, “When 95% of young people have sex before marriage, it should be a crime to withhold the information on how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy and STDs. Even more terrifying is that abstinence-only programs are spewing misinformation about condoms and contraceptives, to the point of telling young people ‘don’t bother using a condom because it doesn’t protect you.’”

I had a one-on-one with 24-year old Oklahoma native Jaye, who now graces the Bay Area with her production company, which is a family operation. The one-time supporter of these “chastity is king” programs, Jaye is now dipping in the honey pot like the rest of us sinners – and thus offers a unique ‘all-sides’ perspective.

But, Daddy I Do not only delves into the Religious Right’s drop kick on kid’s minds’ sometime between algebra and P.E., but also explores the rationale behind something called a “purity ball.” A ceremony that has been adopted in 48 states and 17 countries, this ill-name-fated event forays young girls anywhere from 6 to 16 to pledge their virginity to their fathers. (The now salvia-puffing Miley Cyrus once pledged virginity until marriage, even donning a silver ring to nail down the proclamation.) Daddy then cargos the goods along to her husband-to-be to receive on sacred wedding day. (P.S. When a woman’s sexual power is hers exactly is not explained, or is incidental, or worse, non-existent. Vagina shmagina.) (P.P.S. 90% of these girls break their vow. I say, blame the boys and their delicious meat sticks.)

From frat boys to teen moms to recovering Christians, Daddy I Do contains many must-see moments and learning ops for people on all sides of the Kinsey scale. Not just big fat skinny liberals like me, who are constantly reminded (even in 2011) that being a woman and enjoying the dirty drippy nasty is still a radical act.

Enough from me. Here’s what Cassie Jaye had to say:

Darrah de jour: What was your main motivation for producing Daddy I Do?

Cassie Jaye: I used to be a large supporter and promoter of abstinence-only programs as a teenager because it was all I was ever taught. After I graduated high school and started living on my own, meeting new people from different backgrounds, I realized that sexual choices were not so black and white. I wanted to help others see both sides of the issue of sex education in America and the effects of misinformation.

DDJ: How did you find the specific prospects to interview and locations to highlight purity balls, abstinence education and teen motherhood?

CJ: Luckily, since I was raised in the abstinence movement, I knew their talking points and I could relate to them. I found the purity ball family (The McCalls) off of the father’s blog who had written about his experiences taking his 6-year-old and 8-year-old girls to purity balls. Right when we started filming, Amy Catherine Flynn appeared on American Idol preaching about abstinence, and so we contacted her right away. I contacted The Silver Ring Thing [one of the leading abstinence-only programs] founder, Denny Pattyn, and he enthusiastically agreed to let us shadow their tour, preaching abstinence at different high schools around the country.

DDJ: What did you learn in the process, and how has your mind perhaps changed along the way?

CJ: My views and perspectives changed drastically. Most people are either on one side of the issue or the other. The more you research both sides, the more the line becomes blurry. Most comprehensive sex educators will say that it is best to wait until you are much older before you engage in sexual activity, and that is the same agenda of the abstinence-only side, however “much older” means “marriage.” The intentions are good, but you have to look at the facts and statistics of what works, what arms kids with the resources to make the right choices. The abstinence-only side stems from religious faith, and many people will operate based on their religion before taking statistics into account.

DDJ: What was your most joyous moment during filming? The most treacherous?

CJ: The most joyous moment during filming Daddy I Do was the amount of time I spent with my mom, who filmed and produced Daddy I Do with me. I had been living on my own for a couple years, and when I decided to make Daddy I Do, I asked my mom, who was a still photographer at the time, if she’d be willing to take this road trip journey with me. It was the first time in my life that my mom and I were coming together as two adults sharing our different views. I specifically remember leaving the interview with Penny, the young girl who had the abortion, and my mom and I were so moved by her story that we really started to open up to each other.

DDJ: How long did it take from start to finish and how did you get funding for the film?

CJ: The entire film (before our premiere) took about 2 years. We funded the film entirely out-of-pocket. Every penny I made went into the camera equipment and traveling for filming. I couldn’t afford an editor, so I learned how to edit in Final Cut Pro and did all of the post-production in my bedroom.

DDJ: What were your goals, emotionally, politically and cinematically, and have they been met?

CJ: The main goal of the film was to create conversation around this issue. Since we had no outside funding, I felt like I could really experiment with the direction of the film and the message. That freedom allowed me to make a film that I would want to see, and that was my driving force. I was not thinking about what audiences would like, or what would be marketable, I just wanted to make a film that was my own personal voice.

DDJ: You’ve won many awards for your work – congratulations! What are your plans for the future? What are you working on currently?

CJ: Currently I’m working on another feature documentary called The Right to Love: An American Family which follows the issue of same-sex marriage in America, the battle for equal rights, and religious views on the issue.

***

Darrah de jour is a freelance journalist who lives in LA with her dog Oscar Wilde. Her writing has appeared in Marie Claire, Esquire and W. In her Red, White and Femme: Strapped With A Brain – And A Vagina columns for SuicideGirls, Darrah will be taking a fresh look at females in America.

Visit JayeBirdProductions.com/ to learn more about Daddy I Do.

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

JAN 21, 2011 02:41 PM

Great article! I am really interested in seeing this documentary.

baudot

Oakland, CA

February 2004

JAN 21, 2011 06:00 PM

This brings back memories of the abstinence program my own high school brought in. We were a boarding school, and you could get kicked out for disobeying the decrees of the residential authority, however hairbrained. And this was a mandatory meeting on residential authority. So we all showed.

They had us sitting in the Student Activity Center, on couches for those who arrived early, on the floor for the rest of us. The three adults they brought in stood over us, quite literally, looking down as they gave their presentation. They didn't play the religion angle directly, but the message was clear: Don't have sex until marriage. Be monogamous in marriage. If you transgress you will contract a painful venereal disease. You will put your loved partner at risk and you will be ashamed. We have seen this happen thousands of times.

Safe sex was dismissed in passing. The first two speakers seemed to have been volunteers from a church program. The third had some time as a volunteer at an STD clinic, and he put in the final part of the act, with disgusting tale after disgusting tale of what STDs would do to you if you hadn't listened to the speakers who came before. The memory of the rage on his face is still quite vivid, looking down at me when I questioned how skewed his program was.

One other kid spoke out: Josh Burroughs, the hippy/intellectual. We couldn't get him to bathe more than twice a month, but you knew he always spoke his mind. Other than that it was a roomful of silence. I lucked out, having parent's who'd covered sperm and egg and fallopian tubes and all else since before I was old enough to know what a taboo was. The straight-facts version of the story I'd gotten years later in my temple's Sunday school helped, too. For all the rest of the kids in the audience, I can only guess how many were hearing adults talk about sex for the first time, and how many believed it.

Out of a class of 140 students, each hand picked for academic achievement from across the state with only two years left of high school to finish, 100 graduated. Of the other 40, many went home early with the lovers they'd met on campus and months to go until they were teenage parents. From what I hear from the recent classes, that statistic hasn't changed much over the years.

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA

March 2004

JAN 21, 2011 06:58 PM

So... introducing kids to sex in a 5th-grade class is bad, but introducing kids to sex at 6 years old by having them promise to not engage in something they have little comprehension of yet--that's okay? Man, religion is confusing.

Gringo

Spokane, WA

May 2006

JAN 21, 2011 06:59 PM

Nicole, this is a really great article and I really hope SG starts running more like this.

After watching the trailer, I find myself hoping that the documentary addresses the fact that nowhere in the Bible does it say "Sex before marriage is a sin." Unfortunately, very few people take the time to read the books and just go on what others tell them.

As for purity balls, I'm surprised that those who are in favor of this dysfunctional vow don't see the hypocrisy of having a daughter pledge her virginity to her father but the sons don't get the same pressure.

dearambellina

Philadelphia, PA

October 2006

JAN 21, 2011 07:28 PM

I'm really looking forward to seeing this documentary. This topic hits close to home for me since I was raised in a Catholic family and went to Catholic school until college. I, too, profesed my virginity until marriage... In 8th grade my signature was on a business-like card in my wallet and I wore my, "I'm worth waiting for!" sticker with pride.
Good times, good times.

ShutterMeShort

Glendora, CA

January 2011

JAN 24, 2011 12:19 PM

I will be seeing this for sure... How can anyone be religious anymore.... I don't get it. Everyone has their differences but still... I feel like it;s a parents last hope of controlling their kid because they don't know how to themselves.... or don't want to.

Talk your kid into waiting till 18... do it when they are 12-13... not 6... Is a little dance in a gown with daddy at 6 really going to do anything?

faith is exactly that... faith....

and the right wants to talk about "pork" spending

toothpickmoe

Los Angeles, CA

May 2004

JAN 24, 2011 04:09 PM

Nice work, Darrah. I find this subject somewhat chilling, but it seems Jaye is putting a human face on it from many angles.

smack01

Canada

December 2009

JAN 24, 2011 11:12 PM

When I was in high school, I had all the sex-education classes. As far as I know, there are no abstinence-only programs in Ontario or Canadian curriculum.

None of our teachers told us things like

"Your self-worth is not tied to your level of sexual activity"

"You don't have to have sex to be cool, or to be an adult"

"You don't have to pose nude to feel beautiful"

"You don't have to give sex to get love"

"Being a virgin doesn't make you a loser"

I think our teachers shut up about things like that for fear of coming across anti-sex education. (In Canada, where despite some rhetoric, we don't have the Christian Right influence like there is in the United States).

Contemporary culture treats sexuality like a commodity (50 bucks per year to see the sexualities of liberated women, proving their dignity by showing their pussies to me, a stranger). Contemporary sexual education treats sex with all the coldness of a transaction: condoms, $1. That buck was the only cost associated with sex that we learned. My sex ed classes, and I had plenty of them, taught us all of the diseases and devices. But they didn't teach us that sex was worth withholding or we had any value because the classes were supposed to be values-free.

In my experience in public health (BA Biochemistry, 4 years at an AIDS committee) one of the most important public health strategies is called "delaying the age of coital onset." If abstinence education delays coital onset, not quite to marriage but for enough years to produce decrease in sexual contact during formative, vulnerable stages of life, then it's succeeded not at it's goal (call it a failure, ha!) but at the sexual education goal. The filmmaker makes this point, that sometimes the language is different but the goals are the same.

Nobody taught us that we could have fulfilled lives even if we didn't lose our virginity before prom was over, that is, except for the religious Christians.

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JAN 21, 2011 12:47 PM