NEWS: SuicideGirls: Got Problems?

CULTURE: SuicideGirls: Got Problems?

By SG’s Team Agony

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.



[Clio in Born Into A Light]

Q. My name’s DJ and I have a problem: I’ve been with my GF for a year as of Oct 10th. I don’t know if she’s really into me anymore. I try calling and texting her all the time with no response. I love her to death and I wanna know what y’alls think.



A. Hey DJ, it sounds like you’ve got a situation there. Have you tried telling your sweetheart how you feel about her not returning your calls? Maybe she has other priorities right now (like school or a job) that are preventing her from giving you the attention that you want (and deserve, duh!). Just ask your baby doll what her deal is and hopefully it’s nothing to worry about. But if you’ve addressed your concern and she’s still distant and unresponsive when you two are together it might be that (A) she’s not really feelin’ you anymore and/or (B) because someone else has swept her off her feet while you weren’t looking. In that case it’s time to bid your darling farewell and find yourself a lady that won’t make you question whether you’re still Mr. Right! (She’s out there, I promise.)”

Clio

xoxo

***



[Salome in Pop Art Clash ]

Q. So there is a girl that I’m interested in and she is into me too, but our church has a way of doing things that I’m not used to. I want to tell her how I feel but I don’t want to complicate what we have already…What should I do?

A. I’ve gotta say, your question raised so many intriguing questions for me that I’ve been imagining movie plots all morning to explain them, especially the mysterious part about your church’s way of doing things. If any of them pan out into a major motion picture, I’ll be sure to tip my hat to you in the credits

It sounds like you’re a relative noob to this church, but you’ve been around long enough to get involved in a church activity, like youth group, that’s allowed you to strike up some level of friendship with this girl. That’s good. It’s a low-pressure way to get to know her better and to learn the rules of engagement in this new environment. If your church actually has formal guidelines regarding dating, this group activity would be a good place to find out about them. Your church website or priest would be another good resource if you’d rather not ask around the group you’re both in.

Otherwise, just take it slow rather than blurting out “I think you’re bangin’, want to go out?” Hopefully you have mutual interests outside the church group, like a sport or Italian film, or I don’t know, beekeeping. Anything, really, outside the church. Suggest joining a co-ed league for a sport, or seeing a Fellini flick at the local university, going to your town’s local beekeeping society meeting – whatever is related to your mutual interest. If you’re nervous about this sounding too much like a formal date, then suggest doing the activity with a group of people you both know. If she’s eager, then that’s a great sign she wants to hang out with you more and get to know you better. If she’s not excited about it, maybe she’s just interested in being friends. The more time you can spend with her, the better you get to know her, the more confident you’ll feel about knowing when the time is right to tell her you’re interested in a relationship.

Good luck!

Salome

***



[Noir in Laziest Days]

Q. I’m in my 40s, divorced, father of three daughters who live with me most of the week – thus need to live at home with parents for help with kids. How do I meet girls (especially SuicideGirl type) for dating?

A. You have a lot going on right now. You are a parent of three girls, which is a handful in a two-parent household, and you are single-handedly the main provider for them most of the time. You don’t say whether you have a job or receive child support or not, but regardless of the specifics of your finances, the bottom line is that you cannot support yourself and your family right now. Do you really think bringing another person into the equation is going to make things any easier?

Relationships are hard work. You’ve already got your work cut out. Your priority is your family. Instead of spending your time and energy finding a date, focus that energy on creating a stable, self-sufficient home for your children. If you don’t have a job, get one. If you have a job but still cannot make ends meet, get a second job or find a higher paying one, and make sure you’re getting the proper amount of child support from your ex. Then, move into your own place. If you still need help with your children, your parents can still help you out on occasion. Or maybe your ex can take them more often or you can set up another form of childcare.

Once you have yourself and your family taken care of, then look for someone who would be a good, supportive, reliable force — not just for you, but for your children. I don’t know exactly what you mean by “SuicideGirl type,” but instead of focusing on how many tattoos or piercings a potential mate has or if she has a pink Mohawk or wears clothes she made from safety pins and bottle caps, try looking a little deeper. Volunteer work is a great way to find nurturing, positive people who share a common interest with you.

I don’t know many 20-something punk rock chicks who have the desire nor the life experience to date a guy twice their age with three kids, and if all you’re looking for is a good time, wait until both you and your children have left your respective nests and head to The Punk Show.

Yours in Agony,

Noir

***

Got Problems? Awesome! Let SuicideGirls crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

Thoughtful answers to very vague questions.

ooo! i really like this column. There are so many great minds amongst the gorgeous SG posse. glad to see them being utilized here.

I don't mean to be a douche, but this is clearly from someone who has no idea what is involved with raising children. If this guy has a full time job, he's probably working a traditional 9-5 work day. Most schools are in session from 8am - 3pm. Depending on the age of the children, they are going to need after school supervision, transportation to/from school, after school activities, etc. Without the help of his family, that can get very expensive. Even if it isn't a financial reason he's with his parents, them providing the emotional support is huge. As a child of a single parent, I can tell you things were significantly easier for both my father and myself when we lived with my grandparents for a while.

Right, but you're talking about occasional help. If he's basically got full custody of his kids, my guess is his ex is probably a complete bag of shit. This country's family court system is heavily biased towards the mother getting custody of a child. Talk to DevilsReject about what a nightmare it was getting custody of his daughter. The only reason my father got custody of me was because my mother overdosed. In most cases, the mother has to be the dregs of society to have custody awarded to the father. I'm willing to bet that she's probably not going to lift a finger to help them during the week, assuming also that she's not working full-time herself.

You're misinterpreting what I said. Just knowing that he has someone to help with his kids while he's at work has to be a huge burden off his back. Do you have kids yourself? I have two AND a wife that is a stay at home mom. My "day" often starts at 7am when one of the girls wakes up and doesn't end until 10-11pm, between work, helping out with the kids, making sure the kids are fed, running errands, doing chores, etc. It is physically and emotionally draining - with TWO adults. I watch my dad struggle, having to lean on our family constantly - sometimes just so he could have some alone time to go on a date, relax or just take a nap for a couple of hours.

I choose to respectfully disagree MDF.

The details of the question are very broad and i don't think the advice was that horrible.

We have no clue how old his kids are, we have no clue if he is working full time, we have no clue of any details of his life. For all we know this guy could be independently wealthy and he wants to buy his way into the heart (read pants) of an SG.

You still need to look at the facts. This dude is just coming out of a divorce, which i would imagine was bitter due to child custody and separation of belongings and the fact that his only viable option was to move back in with his parents. It's one thing to ask your parents for help with the children, it's another entirely to move back in with them. In my situation, i could easily move out and live on my own, pay rent and pick up/drop off my daughter for school. I don't because the money i pay to stay here is a helllllluva lot cheaper than what i would pay for an apartment or a house. My parents would still be a huge emotional part of my daughter's life even if i wasn't living here, because that's the way i would want it. My living location wouldn't make the difference. My parents would do what the do for my daughter regardless of where i lived.

Secondly, he's just coming out of a divorce, he probably isn't mentally recovered from that divorce yet. I am pretty sure you are divorced (forgive me if i am wrong), but you and i both know that a divorce sucks the soul out of you for a couple of years until you recover. I wasn't worried about dating for almost 5 years after my divorce.

And finally, like she said, this dude has three kids! I only take care of one and i am pretty exhausted at the end of a day. A woman, especially a single 20'ish year old woman, would have to compromise a lot to be a part of this guy's life. If the guy is a half way decent father, the kids are always going to be a part of his life, which automatically makes them a part of her life. Being 40 and expecting that out of someone that just turned 20'ish is kind of naive and more than anything else, selfish.

The decision to date a 20'ish year old girl, being 40 with three kids, would greatly limit the chance that the girl could do anything a normal 20'ish year old couple could do. There are girls that are thrilled with the idea of an insta-family, but more are not.

It's selfish on his part with the kids too. Too assume that he could just bring anyone into their lives and they should be satisfied with it is wrong. Being a single father means that you have to compromise what you want out of life in order to satisfy the whole family unit. A punk 20'ish year old girl, in most cases, is just not a wise decision (i mean no offense by this).

In all reality, i truthfully don't think her advice was all that bad. Dude needs to prioritize his life and get all his ducks in a row before he tries to bring anyone else into the fiasco that is his life.

You're right. The details are non-existent and the question is two broad.

My divorce was several years in the making. By the time I walked away, I'd already begun to heal myself and the drawn out hell from it is all financial at this point.

I was a "latch-key" kid. Looking back on it, it sucked coming home to an empty house every day. It sucked that my dad missed a lot of things I was involved in after school and my other family was too far away to help me with school work/getting to and from practice/etc. From someone who lived the kid part, living with the grandparents is a huge bonus.

I didn't meet all of my dad's dates. The ones I did get to meet were the those that ended up being long term relationships. I find that those single parents who strive to be good parents tend to act the same way.

I agree, dating some 20ish year old girl is probably not the right answer. But look at the numbers of 30+ SGs and members on the site. I think it is absolutely possible to meet a "Suicide Girl type" woman around his age group. The hard part is going to be finding one that would want to date a father of three. I'm also making the assumption that he'd be upfront about that before even the first date.

I agree that before anything, he needs to get his life in order first. I think the main reason for our disagreement on the issues is that we're seeing it from different sides - you as the parent going through it, me as the kid who went through it.