NEWS: Hey Ladies! Here’s some douchey job advice from Summer’s Eve!

CULTURE: Hey Ladies! Here’s some douchey job advice from Summer’s Eve!

by Jay Hathaway

So, let’s say you’re a woman, and you’d like to be paid more for your job. You’re obviously not going to go in and ask for a raise unprepared, so you’ll have to get ready. What’s the first thing you should do? Review your work and compile a list of accomplishments that show how good you are at your job? Wrong. Add up all the times you’ve saved your boss’s ass? Sorry, wrong again.

Nope. You need to douche. Preferably with Summer’s Eve Feminine Wash.



At least, that’s what a new “advertorial” in Woman’s Day magazine says. It lists 8 ways to prepare on the day you ask for your raise, and making sure you smell like flowers and feel pretty is number one on the list, ahead of practical things like showing up early and being prepared.



Even the “useful” advice is all about how others perceive you. You wouldn’t want to “let the conversation stray or get personal.” That’s always a risk with you wacky women! You’re so emotional! Ha ha!

And of course, “Today, it’s all about your worth to the company.” You might wonder why it’s not about self-worth, and the answer would probably be, “Sorry, self-worth doesn’t sell Feminine Wash. Making you insecure about how you smell does.”

Look, you’re reading SuicideGirls, so I can safely assume you don’t read Woman’s Day. You should still be concerned about this douchey job advice, though. It’s pushing a highly-corporate, really condescending standard for how girls should look and smell.

Women should absolutely ask their bosses for raises, but this ad fails to consider the possibility that a woman might actually be the boss. Maybe you’re the one handing out raises. Maybe you started your own company (I hear girls can do that now, right, Missy?). Well, I guess Summer’s Eve doesn’t want your disposable income if you’re a woman in a position of power.

So fuck you, Summer’s Eve and Woman’s Day. How about we judge people’s job performance by their accomplishments, not by the “delicate blossom” scent of their vaginas?

Dude, I always sniffed the vaginas of the women working for me to determine whether or not they deserved a raise, jeez, don't they teach you kids this stuff in school anymore?

You're asking for a raise. That's going to be, by definition, about your worth to the company. Self worth is more or less irrelevant to the equation, at least once you get beyond valuing yourself sufficiently to seek a raise.

And since the entire premise is that you're asking for a raise, you have a boss. Whether you are a woman boss or not is irrelevant; you have a boss. The article also failed to consider the possibility that you're self employed, or that you make your living from investments, or indeed anything that's not related to it's premise; I might as well condemn your article for not addressing my needs as someone who cares about substantive feminist issues like, say, female genital mutilation, and really couldn't give a fuck about a slightly condescending and offensive advertisement in a stupid magazine.

Frankly, dealing with how others (particularly your boss) perceive us is a problem for most women I know who work in offices. Whether or not we're good at our work is irrelevant if were dismissed for looking too casual, too feminine, too butch, or if we sound too girly or flighty. Maybe you might not be as cluey into womens issues as you think, mister guy.

you and me both.

If this fruit you're trying to pluck were any more low-hanging you'd have to dig it up.

*sigh*

Wash that pussy.

Yawn

Girls?

Those who live in douche houses shouldn't throw stones.


Also:
"Douche Company Tries To Sell Douches: Job Advice Less Than Helpful" isn't exactly surprising.

But what if I'm a guy wanting to ask for a raise? Where the hell is my advice????



FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Obviously the only way a woman could get a raise is if she slept with her (male) boss. So she better be damn sure she ain't got no stank, or else she could be fired.

wear assless chaps to work.

TaraDiane said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

douche ads are so... douchey.

Lysol?

*shudders*

We can only hope that the makers of Axe Bodyspray will enlighten us.

Totally...because any articles about feminism or anti-misogyny should only be written by a female.

The politically correct usage would of course have been "Hey Laydeez!"

Totally agree on that point - I first read this yesterday and was kinda of surprised that this article even made it to the newswire.

That's why my only objection of the comments is the notion that a female write such articles. That's all.

Yes, they should. Women don't like reading mens' opinions on how they should act; they get all emotional about it if you--OHGODI'MJOKINGSTOPHITTINGME

Hey laydeez! Look what I found on the internet!

"Hey ladies!" was meant to be sarcastic. I'm sorry that I didn't get the tone across properly.