NEWS: Have You Ever Been In An Uneven Relationship?

CULTURE: Have You Ever Been In An Uneven Relationship?

by Star Padilla

I need an answer to a question that’s boggled my mind for some time now: Is it truly bad of me to date someone whom I can tell genuinely likes me more than I like him?

“Sure the guy from last night was cute and seemed pretty cool, but long term I don’t think I can see this going anywhere.”

Now in my defense, that’s my first impression. We all know it takes time for another to ‘grow’ on us for lack of better words. In this situation I’m thinking maybe, if I keep him around, though he may not initially have been my type, this could possibly go somewhere because I know he’s a great catch. Or am I’m being selfish and trying too hard to make it something it’s just not?



[Tragique & Viking in Sick Sad World]

I’ve gotten a little flack in regard to this question from passing conversations with friends (guys and girls) and some have said that it’s somewhat stringing the other along. If I’m not ‘feeling it’ then I need to cut my ties.

As of lately, I’ve been re-evaluating my views on relationships and though I’d love to be in a healthy relationship, the truth is, I think the idea kinda freaks me out for countless reasons. Call me crazy but I prefer and feel more comfortable when liking a guy a bit more than he likes me and having a slight doubt to whether or not we’re on that same level.

So back to my initial question. Do you think it’s wrong to date a person if you can tell he or she is more into you than you are into him? Or do you think there will always be an imbalance- that someone will ultimately like the other more, at first, but if given the chance and opportunity to move forward things could quite possibly even out?

What’s your take on this?

You like to be with partners who aren't as into you as you are into them because you aren't that into them, and you don't feel guilty about them getting attached to you, because they aren't getting attached to you.

You don't like to be with partners who are more into you than you are into them because you feel guilty about letting them construct a lie and date her--the version of you who knows she wants to be with them. You know you're not being honest, and it doesn't feel right. Good for you for having scruples about this!

Basically, the underlying problem is that you don't know what you want, and you're going to be a menace until you figure it out. That could take years. Don't fret about it--you'll know it when it happens. In the meanwhile, date the people you imagine you want to be with, and dump them if you realize they're dating a lie they've constructed, and not dating you.

Or else just try being by yourself long enough to let the dust settle--if you're a serial relationship person, part of the problem may be that you haven't had a chance to commune with the you who isn't a lie in years, because you've been seeing yourself too much through the eyes of others.

I think this linke "In the meanwhile, date the people you imagine you want to be with, and dump them if you realize they're dating a lie they've constructed, and not dating you" hit home. I feel like I'm being honest with myself in who I am, but maybe I'm not.. I really appreciate your response and feel you kinda peg'd my 'struggle'.

#1Date him for a while and if you don't like him as much as he likes you break it off. Be honest but kind.
If not he'll eventually figure it out and if he's smart break it off with you.

#2 If he's a great catch than you should probably find a way to keep him around because he'll either be looking or get snatched up and then you'll be wishing you had.

#3You like power and control.
He actually likes you so chances are he'll call/text/FB/ Tweet you more than you will him and he'll probably come running if you invite him over after a few weeks of being "busy",ignoring,blowing off... it's a game so play it while you can.

I really can identify with this post - I seem to be constantly in uneven relationships - either I like them waaaay more than they like me, or its the other way around.

This last relationship I was in lasted 9 months - and it was one where she was into me a lot more than I was into her. In the end, I just felt bad about it and had to end it. It seemed like the more her attachment to me grew, the higher her expectations got... and I just couldn't keep up.

The other was a girl that I was absolutely smitten with from day one - beautiful, intelligent, good with kids... and while sparks were flying all over the place on my side - she just wasn't feeling it and broke it off.

I think its brave to admit where you're at in all this - not everyone can come out and just expose the way they feel in such a public manner. Good luck in your search for answers.

It's often "safer" (at least emotionally) to date someone who has stronger feelings than you do.

You might ask yourself why you are settling for someone who you don't feel strongly for. You are only wasting time on someone - and possibly missing opportunities to meet someone you actually would be into.

When I was single, I couldn't stand dating girls who were far more into me than I was into them...at least not for very long. I'd usually end up breaking up with them fairly early on.

Now, here is the really dysfunctional part of my past: on the occasions when I've dated girls who "I" am way more into...I had a tendency to subconsciously destroy those relationships before they had a chance to go too far. Go figure.