Glad to Be Alive...

I want to see what's next. I want to keep learning. I crave fun, knowledge, and adventure. I'm not ready to go.

Little things remind me of this, whether it's my parents' smiles, a new book, a snowy day, dancing with friends, or petting the cat.

This thread has confirmed some things for me. See, lately I've been feeling really depressed, and stuck in my life- but now I realize that really, my only obligations are to myself and my well-being. While this doesn't mean I'm jumping up right now and quitting my job and losing 60 pounds all at once, it does give me hope, and now I'm trying to look forward to things, and see what the future will surprise me with.

Yeah, I'd say the day that I was travelling, spent the night at my cousins, woke up and left at 9:00am. Then the next day I find out that the roof in the room I was sleeping in caved in at 9:15am, so had I not woken up at the time I did there would have been about 20 inches of snow, wood framing, insulation, and however many pounds of roof shingles on top of me. So I geuss finding out that I probably would have been dead had I decided to sleep in was pretty life affirming. And a good incentive to become a morning person.

This thread makes me glad to be alive in a winding, twisting way.

The first thing I thought about when I read the thread was how there was a time when I didn't want to be alive. A couple of years back I attempted suicide by OD. As I was lying in my room convulsing, I started thinking, what the heck am I doing? This isn't what I really want. I managed to get up and go to a friend down the hall. I had her call an ambulance and I passed out shortly after that.

I lived in a dorm at the time and the entire hall came to visit me when I woke up. Some called me stupid, but all were generally supportive and I was glad that I was able to see them. That whole year was pretty wonderful. Even though I don't want to die, I'm actually glad that I did attempt suicide. It took that for me to see the things that I thought I didn't have.

It wasn't a life changing ordeal or anything, at least in the sense that I don't tackle life with passion and the white hot fire of a thousand suns, but I do live. And after thinking about this thread, I started thinking about all of the cool things that have happened to me or that I have done for someone else and I smile. And I realise that more of the things that I think about happened after the attempt. And I'm happy that I'm still here. I'm even happy that I have bad days now and again.

the thing that keeps me alive most is to watch my daughter learn and grow from a baby to a big kid, and before I know it, to an adult. I know it's a bit cliche, but who really would want to miss that? the silly things she does make me laugh out loud enough to hear myself and remind me that I can never feel dead inside. I have been stripped of a great deal of dignity, money, and trust in the past few years. and all the bad feelings can disappear knowing that she depends on me to make her life happy and healthy and progressive. She needs me and I feel alive because I am determined never to let her down.

when I drive up in the mountains on a clear night, and I can see the stars, and I feel like I could just reach out and touch them. that makes me happy to be alive. Sharing this with someone you love is even better.

One of our more beautiful threads. Why are we here? This.

Personally I quite admire you for having the nerve to be the first one to mention this...

I agree. This thread really made my day.

When I was moving out of my brothers house and my little niece, whom I never thought wanted me there to begin with told me she loved me and she didn't want me to go.
And now that I finally have the guts to try to make my own living as an artist and leave my terrible job behind. I feel so good to be alive.

Funny, I just had one today. Normally I hate Southern California. But today I was driving and got to a spot where I could see the mountains and the ocean on either side of me. Normally it's much too smoggy for this, but it's been windy and the snow covered mountains were clear, and you could see down the coast for miles. That made me happy.

And I'm happy that you stopped by to share that with us. I went through something similar and I remember looking at myself in the mirror and asking myself what the hell am I doing...

nevermind

[Edited on Feb 05, 2004 by meanwhilethecat]

dense fog on a warm summer night in the middle of nowhere.

works for me.

silent nights. Hearing a 4 year old say he did not throw playdough... it was a snowball, walking to town on saturdays and seeing a tree growing out of a rotted tree stump and hearing that one guy sing opera as he works on his yard and the smile on his face when he says hello. The aging wrinkled redhead at my old job whose smile seems to be so alive and healthy you can't help but feel the same. sleeping nekkid. Watching pigeons take dust bathes by the tarin station.

Any time me and my friends have a few beers and watch funny movies I'm loving life. Good friends = good times.

I am glad I am alive for my girlfriend just brought me home some great cuban rum...actually from cuba (she was there)...its amazing stuff really she also brought me home 2 cigars but she doesn't like the smell of smoke so I have to go smoke them else where but the bars here go non smoking next week which is good cause I don't like smokers but then I won't have a place to smoke the cigars unless I wait til spring and smoke them on the balcony but they may all be dried out then and that would suck...
so ya this is great rum...

Listening to the rain outside right now at 5am in the morning, the wolf's hour, is pretty intense...
When there are no people there for me, I have come to find that nature and money is all that I have to keep me happy...

[Edited on Feb 16, 2004 by Arioch]

absolutely near death changes your life, unless you think you're living the perfect life before hand. If you do think that, you're probably wrong, there's always room for improvement.

For me, stumbling around alond, 600miles from home in a rough section of Nashville, overdosing on a drug that will not be mentioned was enough. Getting hit by a truck on my mortorcycle (sold it the next day) also changed some things.

Recently I've seen a couple of bike v. mountain and bike v. car that have resulted in some friends' deaths. There's no way I'm giving that up, but you better believe that I've tried to be a better person sice.

As miss Polly said, life is fragile. We're just big squishy sacks full of organs... you gotta watch out for sharp corners.

-mk

Not to mention:



That pretty much does it for me.

The phone conversation last night proved that everything was worth it.

She is so unbelievable