The science of holding a grudge

There seems to be a lot of negativity towards "the grudge". I was admonished recently for the re-emergence of a long held grudge of mine. "It's not good to hold onto all that anger" I was informed "You have to move on. Don't let it consume you".

Okay, allow me to dispell the biggest myth surrounding the grudge. People whose philosphy is to forgive and forget maybe can't understand, or at least cannot fully appreciate the art of the grudge. The grudge doesn't consume the one carrying it. It sits in the subconscious. I don't think about my grudges until it's time to take 'em out and dust 'em off again. It's like having a multiple personality complex...that you can control.

I hope that that's cleared a few things up regarding the grudge and how it is exercised. I understand that some people improperly exercise the grudge, but for the most part I think that if you follow the principles that I've outlined above, you can't go wrong.

So now, do you hold a grudge and if so does this about capture your sentiment on it? Or am I just a mean-spirited jerk who's talking out his ass again?

so... how does this pertain to grudge fucking?

-bobby

I have a massive grudge for profiles devoid of pics.

Anonymity is for Batman.

not to throw this thread into a tangent unrelated to its topic, but i think anonymity can be important. we can join hands and smile and praise the sanctity of the internet community, but suicidegirls.com is still essentially a porn site, and i for one would prefer to keep my participation in it from, say, people i work with

Anger is a good motivator, channeled into non-distructive avenues.

Yeah, I'll hold a grudge, but I don't really think about it. Prime example. A friend asks me to design her a tattoo, then meet one lunchtime for a drink to discuss it. A few days previously, her house had been burgled, and I sat up on the phone for hours to keep her company?(my phone bill, not hers), not that I minded, because that's what being a friend's all about. The night before we were supposed to meet, she said she wasn't feeling too good, but should be okay for meeting, so next day, I get myself up early (it's a sunday and I'd normally be in bed till 1. I got up at 11 to meet her) I text her to see if she's feeling any better and still wants to meet. No reply. I shrug and walk myself down to the bar and wait. And wait. And wait. I texted her 3 times and tried calling twice to see if she was turning up, all with no responce. I wound up using the time to draw more butterflies for my girlfriend's tattoo, then had some lunch and went home once I was done. About a week later she emails to say she couldn't make it as she had flu. That kinda shit just pissed me off, and I haven't even bothered to tell her to go fuck herself, as it's too much hassle, but this is the 21st Century for fucks sake! People have cell phones! It is not difficult to tell someone you can't keep an appointment. This wasn't a date, so that's not what got me pissed, it was just the lack of courtesy to say she couldn't make it for a week after the event. A well deserving grudge, I think.
Spike

This kind of shit really pisses me off. It's like someone not texting you back when you've politely enquired how they are for about a month. "I was busy." Too busy to send a 30 second text? Wow, I envy your social life. And these are people I KNOW for sure aren't just ignoring me out of pure horror at my existence. Having said that, I find it extremely difficult to bear grudges. I am, in fact, famed for my ability to forgive even when I really shouldn't do. It's not that I'm some kind of uber-generous messiah (although, now I mention it...), I just don't have the resentment within myself to not let people off the hook.

And for those of you who do bear grudges, listen to 'The Grudge' by Tool. It expresses stuff pretty well.

Exactly my point. It's not hard to send a text, and shouldn't take a week to get round to it.
Spike

I think grudges are bad bad bad.

But, then, I can't hold them.

I just don't care enough about most things to hold a grudge. Even when hurt by someone, I turn the other cheek. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time.

The only time I ever turn the other cheek is when I'm grabbing another can of whoop-ass off the shelf. I can't take credit for this kickass quote, though. It was Maria Bamford's.

I don't hold grudges for minor things, like the guy who cuts me off in traffic or the woman who doesn't thank me when I hold the door for her. It's a special occasion when I hold a grudge. You can almost think of it as holding a place of honor if you're someone that is that deserving of my hatred. Almost

Oh, and by the way. I think I'm developing a grudge against every person who bitches at me about my picture. I haven't got one up. I don't have one to put up even if I wanted to, which I don't. Deal with it.

[Edited on Jan 20, 2004 by Dr_Phibes]

Yes!

i have a high "piss off" threshold.
i am basically a doormat. you really have to walk over me say, forty, fifty times before i scream "Enough!!" and cut you off.

and that's being generous.
i don't like not seeing old friends ever again, but sometimes, you have to cut difficult people out of your life, in order for you to be happy.

That all sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

If someone betrays your trust it's easy to hold a grudge against them it's probably easier just to shoot them though.

staying mad is my superpower

this ugly bitch at my work has apparently been making shit up about me.

I'm going to grind her into flecks of dried blood.

make sure it's warm outside so the blood dries

That's the spirit. You and I must have the same boss.

actually the boss was the one that let me know she talking shit. then my boss called the bitch "...(fair pause)... uptight".

if thats not PC for bitch I don't know what is

i'm pretty much the same. always get walked over, because people know i'll let them off. bah.

right. where's that Lateralus cd...

"The grudge doesn't consume the one carrying it. It sits in the subconscious. I don't think about my grudges until it's time to take 'em out and dust 'em off again. It's like having a multiple personality complex...that you can control. "

That is exactly it!!! I'm mostly a nice sweet person, but if someone manages to piss me off I remember it. If I've been introduced to someone between 3 and 5 times and they can't remember me, I'll hold a grudge.