Smartass retorts

Post your favorite smartass retorts that you use on people.

When somone tells me something thats really hard to believe I hit em with

"And in other news hell has just frozen over. Wait a minute. This just in. Pigs are miraculously learning to fly. Coming up next you'll get to see monkeys come flying out of my ass."

no shit, sherlock

Holy boy! Are you fucking!

Pre-written retorts are the verbal equivalent of showing your soft, pink under-belly. And everyone knows showing your under-belly makes you that particular fight's bitch.

*gets down on hands and knees praying to god* Thank you lord

dont call me a smart ass retard

don't smart me ass call a retard

That was pretty weak, Will.

...aaaaand curtain.

Did you fart?

If I was gonna fart I'd be in front of you buddy.

Listen faggot, If I wanted any of your shit; I'd squeeze your dick!!!

sorry, I don't have pre-made insults, I just deflate people and turn their words around

it's best to just nod along and say 'sure' and turn away. Better yet I like the hit them with a solid non sequiter

Ummm...no.

"well durr"

*standing ovation*
:gigantic trophy icon:

"your mom"

i mean seriously, can anyone come back from that one i've yet to see it.

[Edited on Jan 16, 2004 by billyboy]

"shut up my mom just died" I've had people actually take that one seriously too.

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

Now why did you go and drag the greatest rally driver in the world into this!?

If I want any lip from you, I'll scrape it off my zipper.

Calling someone an "asshat" is always effective as well.

hell, test me. its no joke, im a solberg soldier