You Can Thank Me Later

A neon sign flickers outside the window of my sweaty, sleazy motel room. I hoist the tuba from its case.

"Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it."

"Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still shit your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough shit."

"You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again after your bullshit dies out over someone else's house."

"You're being fucking dramatic. You own a TV and an air mattress. That's not exactly what I'd call "a lot to lose."

"A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching."