NEWS: Miss Truth Hurts: Advice That Rocks by Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna

CULTURE: Miss Truth Hurts: Advice That Rocks by Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna

Too embarrassed to talk to your friends about your foot fetish? Not sure when to tell your partner about those, um, nasty genital warts? Need some Gotha Stewart home-ec advice for your next soiree? Not sure how to get your foot in the door of that fab new career you want? I got you covered. Miss Truth Hurts is here to answer all of your love, life, sex, career, and relationship questions. Ask anything. I've been there/done that (except for the warts) and I've dished out advice to readers just like you through the pages of my advice book/lifestyle guide, Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star.

Send your questions, dilemmas, and conundrums to misstruthhurts@suicidegirls.com.

Alternatively, SG members can send a message via the site to MissTruthHurts.

We won't use your name, just the city you're writing from.


Q: I've been on and off with my boyfriend for five years. We'll have this massive break-up, be apart for weeks, and then fall right back in love with each other again. I know he loves me, but we go through this back and forth too often and it's exhausting. WTF is our deal?

-Chaotic in El Paso, Texas

A: Chaos indeed! The first thing that comes to mind is maybe you're both addicted to the adrenaline of this dramatic relationship. Most drama queens (and kings) aren't even aware that they love the dramatic ups and downs of a back and forth relationship. Ask yourself: Do you get bored if things aren't chaotic? Do you love making up more than you love it when things are smooth sailing? Is your life otherwise boring and you crave some excitement? Do you get excited when your blood boils? Does it make you feel, er, alive? If you answered mostly yes, then you might just be addicted to drama. Try this: Next time you have a blow-up with your boy, don't go for the break-up card. Take a breather, collect yourself, and talk out the problem calmly.


Q: My man watches a lot of porn and it's beginning to creep me out. I catch him watching it on his computer when he doesn't think I'm noticing. It's like he has this other life or something. I don't want to be a prude, but why does he need porn if he has a girlfriend?

-Creeped out in Calabasas, Calif.

A: Embrace the porn! It could be fun. Scratch that advice if it's child porn, bestiality, or if your man only likes man-on-man movies. Otherwise, why not give it a shot? You might just find out that it turns you on and will enhance your sex life with your man. Besides, to be truly intimate and close, a guy shouldn't feel like he has to hide things from his girlfriend. The more he makes porn his dirty little secret, the more distance there will be between the two of you. Who knows? Porn might just teach you new trick or two!


Q: It upsets me when my boyfriend doesn't call me back or text me back fast enough -- which happens quite a lot. I don't know if I'm just being needy or paranoid or if something is going on. He'll go a full day before getting back to me sometimes. And, this happens at least once a week. What do you make of it?

-Anxious in Ann Arbor, Mich.

A: I can't believe I'm going to say such a cliché, but it sounds oh so true in your situation ... He's just not that into you! Move on.


Q: My boyfriend has a friend staying with him on his couch. He was supposed to only crash for a few weeks, but it's been a few months. I can't spend any alone time with him at his place because the friend is always there. I've complained to my boyfriend about this but he's not doing anything about it. I feel like I need to tell my boyfriend it's time for the freeloader to go.

-Sick of it in Saratoga Springs

A: Be careful or it might be you who your boyfriend kicks out. It's not for you to say how long your boyfriend's friend gets to crash. It's your boyfriend's deal, not yours. You don't want to be the nagging girlfriend telling him what to do. If you were living together, that's one thing. But, you're not. So, shut the hell up about it, since, unless its a serious and solid relationship, most guys will put bros before hos.




Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna is Suicide Girls' sex, love, and life advice columnist. She is an entertainment journalist, rock wife, and author of Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star and Eyewitness Nirvana: The Day-by-Day Chronicle.

www.myspace.com/carrieborzillovrenna
www.carriebv.com

The way Creeped out in Calabasas feels about Porn is the way my girlfriend feels about SG. Now her ex was a lying, cheating, prick, so I understand where the paranoia comes from. I just wish I could convince her that she has nothing to fear now.

Get her an account, Evilgasm.

No, she should totally dump Mr Won't-Text-Back-In-10-Minutes and move onto another guy. If he takes half a day, he's still not that into her, even if he's a bit more into her than the first guy. So dump him, and find Mr So-Needy-He-Texts-You-First-Then-Complains-If-Your-Response-Isn't-Immediate.

Then she will have found her neediness soulmate and they can see who can out-needy the other.

Ms. Chaotic, I would look internally at what is going on with you and your life. Are you happy with the choices that you've made or feel as though you have made? My generally impression is that people are generally more chaotic when they are not pleased with their choices and their current station in life. Find happiness in yourself and in your life and let your relationship follow. If you find yourself drawn to what you believe is chaos, you might really be finding yourself at home in that neutral zone between life's changes. Check out The Way of Transition as it discusses a lot about that sometimes intoxicating feeling one gets when episodes of life end and new ones begin.

Read what Morgan or Fuck Off wrote. If you're still interested in reading more I'm going to also suggest Passionate Marriage because there is long conversation in there about Other-Validated Intimacy and Self-Validated Intimacy. You might find yourself in the former category. If you feel you've got the self-esteem issue significantly licked then it's time to take the next step in the game and read parts of The Art of Seduction. This should expose you to the necessary raw materials to help you maneuver you into a position where your partner is more inclined to communicate at your speed. It may be as simple as allowing them to initiate the communication instead of always having that message sitting on their phone.

Your question just got posted on a porn site. I can't help but chuckle. Porn is about fantasy. You, despite all the glamor, beauty, and sexiness will never be enough for the insatiable mental prowess of the human mind. You've got to come to terms with that and understand that does not mean your partner is necessarily disrespecting you, degrading you, or comparing you to their porn. Being involved in that, as Ms. Truthful suggests, is one way to co-opt the fantasy and tap into the sexual energy that is being created there. There is this thing about love, lust, and desire - despite what some people might believe it is not a finite resource.

Definitely give it up with him as Ms. Truthful suggests here. The problem here is that you are obviously dictating/directing your boyfriend in these affairs. The idea here is that you've got to make it his idea to evict his house-guest. Sometimes stating how you feel and then easing off is enough. Sometimes it means you've got to play a much harder game: for instance, all of sudden your place no longer becomes available for a period of time (OH MY, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?) making it impossible for you to be intimate for some time. Perhaps there is a financial impact to your beau having his friend there all the time... etc. Be subtle, because if you're exposed you've likely blown it - the idea is to find the right buttons. If you don't get what you want, then get used to it or give up. Act according to how important this is to you.

To be fair, I'm pretty sure MTH makes all the questions up herself.

One of my girls few flaws is her inability to use a computer... Seriously. She can't use one. Otherwise I'd get her the account in a heart beat

I disagree with the "I can't believe I'm going to say such a clich�, but it sounds oh so true in your situation ... He's just not that into you! Move on."

This may be the case.

But it might also be that he enjoys his space and/or has a lot of things going on in his life. Give him space! Be patient with him.

Let him spend time with his guy friends. Go spend time with your girl friends. I think this is healthy. Obsessive texting is not.

Ok, but here's the big question no one is asking. Why is he not texting her back? I know that with my work I sometimes can't get back to anyone until i'm off work. maybe that info should be considered first.

I agree. My girlfriend and I have had the "clingy" conversation several times and I think she's finally realizing that everyone needs some space from time to time. The irony is that if I don't watch it, we'll spend so much time together that we'll completely exhaust each other and then end up getting close to an argument--one that is caused by nothing more than the fact that we've spend too much time in each other's company.