The Faggiest Vampire

This is a children's book I wrote:



Deep in The Land of Broodsarrow, just outside the village of Gneirwil, and high on a cliff overlooking the Everbleed Sea, there stands the faggiest gothic castle that any mortal being has ever seen. Living in this ancient faggy castle is none other than the well-renowned vampire, Dargoth Van Gloomfang. The citizenry of Broodsarrow sure has its share of faggy vampires, but old Dargoth has always been by far the faggiest of them all. That is, until a new vampire came to town. A younger, hippper vampire. One that emits such a grand amount of fagginess that one cannot help but be completely overwhelmed by his presence. Now Dargoth Van Gloomfang must figure out a way to out-shine this young newcomer if he wishes to ever reclaim his throne as . . . the faggiest vampire.

It was inspired by Roald Dahl and Edward Gorey.

I think this is like my 26th book or something. I don't know. Maybe only 25th. I haven't been counting. Anyway, it is one of my personal favorites. If interested, check it out at: amazon.com

dude, he also wrote The Baby Jesus Butt Plug. i really don't think he's serious about the children's book thing.

Actually, it is 100% appropriate for children, even if it is marketed to adults. In this book faggiest is a synonym for awesomest.

In my book, racial slurs will be synonyms for "coolest."

Hold on a second. You're telling me that the author of Adolph in Wonderland wrote something deliberately offensive, and is now making ridiculous claims on an alt-porn website's message board trying to publicize his book? Get right outta town. This is something we definitely need to pay attention to/ argue about.

The 16th century British term for Fag is quite different (as a verb in the sense [grow weary]).

In that case, I fag of this topic.

"The cigaretteiest vampire"? That makes no sense at all

I apologize for starting this thread. I only did it because I know a bunch of my readers are on this site. Sorry if my book offends anyone. That wasn't my intention. If you were to read it you would realize this. Go ahead and let this thread die. I'm not going to argue.

I could pass on this one, but I have to admit, 'The Haunted Vagina' looks intriguing.

Electric Jesus Corpse, Razor Wire Pubic Hair, The Menstruating Mall...he's not exactly going the PC route, kids. Pick better battles.

And I still haven't cracked open my copy of The Haunted Vagina. I should get on that.

-TM

Perhaps it's about Vagina Dentata, except that the toothy vagina has vampire properties, so that if you get bitten, you turn into a vagina!

Or something.

Wait, he wrote Razor Wire Pubic Hair? I've actually read and liked a short story by this guy. Something about a porno being filmed in the middle of the ocean. I was even trying to find books by him at my local book store on the basis of it, though I failed.

Edit: Porno in August. It was in one of the Year's Best Fantasy and Horror compilations.