1-800-686-3SUM

so i was peruseing the back of my penthouse, and started wondering about all of the phone sex ads. they all have horrible names, and worse pictures, but i am really curious as to what they offer. no way am i going to shell out 50 bucks to find out, but has anybody ever called one? i promise not to tell your parents where the charges came from. or even better, has anybody ever worked for one?

oh, and do not call the # in the title. that shit is expensive!

When I first moved to Vancouver a few years ago, I spent the first three months wandring around aimlessly asking random people on the street if they wanted to be my friend. I was a bit lonely. Anyway, I resorted to calling one of those phone personals ads to try and meet folks. Little did my naive little self know that one needs a credit card for such endeavours. I was lamenting this sad fact to the operator, and she said, that she was actually a member. She was really cool about the whole thing and gave me a ten dollar credit. We started chatting for awhile, and she ended up invited me over for dinner.

I thought about it for awhile and then decided to go (to dinner at a complete stranger's house in a a big city. DId I mention naive?)

I got there, rang the doorbell, and was greeted by a gigantic woman who opened the door to a living room full of several equally gigantic women and one emaciated and somewhat frightened looking guy.

I was a bit shocked, but made every effort at small talk. As always seems to happen in somewhat uncomfortable social situaitons, the conversation turned to what we all did for a living. Turns out that the emaciated guy ran a sex phone line (apparently they're like franchises and he owned a franchise in Vancouver) and all the gigantic women were the operators.

So once this news is out of the bag and we're all a bit tipsy, they ask me to close my eyes and then every single one of the women started in on these utterly convincing fake orgasms. It was like I was in the middle of a porn movie. Unfortunately I couldn't disolve the mental picture I had of who was making the noises with the actual noises themselves, so it was a bit odd.

So just remember kids, the Arrowsmith video "Sweet Emotions" where the guy calls a phone sex operator who turns out to be some funky lady holding a kid in one arm and an ironing board in the other really isn't that far off.

some types of phone sex service seem ok to me, like it could be a good safe place for someone to work out fantasies that they were not comfortable sharing with their partners. in my perfect little world, all phone sex operators are also trained mental health professionals and really care about their clients, not just the paycheck. i'm not thinking this is actually the case.

crushing is actually a pretty common fetish. can't figure out why.