NEWS: Sweaty Pursuits: Don't Guess What Will Happen -- Watch What Happens

CULTURE: Sweaty Pursuits: Don't Guess What Will Happen -- Watch What Happens

The NCAA championship is one huge score for sports junkies, but, despite all the concentrated basketball action, it apparently doesn't offer sufficient ecstasy for some. With 32 games over the first two days and 16 more on the third and fourth, the opening rounds offer ample vicarious stimulation. Yet, some push it too far by trying to win cash for guessing every winner.

Many attempt to collect $10,000 by besting the gazillions who participate in ESPN.com's selection contest, while others try to pinch a couple of bucks from buddies. It doesn't matter if the prize is huge or trifling:, the deed may seem innocent, but speculating about potential victors in the name of winning treasure sucks the joy out of an event that should be a blast in and of itself.

The worst thing about trying to predict basketball's future is that it wrecks the fun of the present. That's especially true when it comes to the tournament's cheapest thrills, namely early upsets. If Duke is down by three late in the second half against Southwest Devry State A&M, nonaligned fans should be cheering for the obscure college wholeheartedly. What they should absolutely not be doing is rationalizing that it'll be okay if the traditional juggernaut prevails since it will keep their choices pristine.

Even worse in that regard are college basketball fans who attended good college basketball colleges. If one's alma mater makes it to the conflict, it is one's supreme moral duty to believe they will win every damn game. Screw seeding or their record in the previous 10 matches; anyone who half-cheers for their side to lose because they only had them getting to the Sweet 16 in their office pool is a disloyally unreliable fiend who would steal your wife/girlfriend, rifle through your coat pockets the second you leave the room, and/or snitch on you to the cops/your boss.

Those who betray their hallowed seats of learning for silver pieces should know that it usually doesn't work, anyway. Forecasting something as notoriously volatile as college basketball relies slightly less on chance than scratch-off lottery tickets.

At the same time, some of the same assheads who bitch that every single pro athlete is overpaid and moan about nobody playing for the love of the game in turn only cheer for their teams so they can win a piddling sum from a sportsbook or phenomenally sleazy bookie. Wagering on a favorite squad is like putting money on a presidential challenger; pick your candidate because you're in policy agreement, not because you like the voting percentage spread.

It's too bad -- all types and levels of betting make all sports less pleasant -- but this sporting occasion is so gratifying that the need for greed should be temporarily put on hold. The best thing about refraining from gambling is that it takes the guesswork out of it. Games are nothing less than real-time drama, and playing sports psychic is like trying to surmise a possible ending to a play that's being written as it's acted out.

A bunch of accounting and political science majors who get free educations in exchange for athletic participation will determine what occurs for you. So sit and intake as many fixtures as possible, and base your happiness on the current moment, not how you think upcoming moments will unfold.

Your sports Zen-master has spoken!


Anthony Bialy is SG's no-jocks-required Sweaty Pursuits sports columnist. He follows sports religiously even though he's quite bad at them. He ran cross country and played rugby in college, and was horrid at both. He schedules his life around his favorite NHL team's games, and sadly lists his alma mater winning the NCAA basketball championship as his happiest moment. He likes other things besides sports, too, and requests a minute to think of them.

This is nonsense. I can enjoy a game AND fill out my brackets, and believe me: it's not that hard a thing to do. Sometimes I really go crazy and try to eat a sandwich at the same time.
Also:

Why? If you're so into keeping things so pure that even filling out a bracket is defiling the sanctity of the event (ha!), then why root for a team just because they're obscure? Wouldn't you root for the better of the two teams (that said: Fuck Duke)? Wouldn't you want the best basketball to be played?

I mean, really, the above statement goes against this one 100%:

"Playing sports psychic" is sort of what makes one team a favorite and one an underdog, you know? It's why we're excited when the little guy, the underdog, the Davidson, the Eastern Kentucky wins. It's because we've been "playing sports psychic."

This column, distilled.

oh, wait. subrosa just reminded me:

Don't spoiler that shit dude. Say it loud, say it proud.

Hey, once the tourney starts we're all conference brethren, Sconnie.

Relatedly, tell your Bucknuts friends: "Way to yak up the home floor in Dayton, assholes."

Yeah, until today I thought Sienna was just a cool place to go in lieu of Florence.

BTW, I've got two alma maters still in the tourney, bucko.

Well, I'm rooting for at least one of them. See, my bracket's fucked (OH NO SPORTZ PSYCHICZ!@!!), so I'm just rooting for the Big Ten now. Got a running Big Ten vs. ACC tourney bet with my stepdad, and right now I'm up 4-3, thanks to a confluence of circumstances that made midwestern teams with mascots in the weasel family UNBEATABLE in round 1.

You said weasel.

He said Weasel Family.

Yeah, now I'm rooting for the team that fucked my bracket. What is not to like about this Cleveland State team? A team that I wouldn't know much about if it weren't for my sports psychic skillzzz (and lack thereof).

ANother thing, here. What filling out brackets does, as well, is give us something to root for and against during what is, as a rule, basketball that is simply not very good (there are some exceptions). Yes, there are a lot of exciting games, but too often that is because of BAD play, not good,especially today, when the best players never see a Junior year. I mean, there is something cool about seeing kids with less-than-stellar skills competing on such a big stage, but lets not pretend that even the most exciting games are that way because of perfect play. The recent 6 overtime battle between UConn and 'Cuse was a game based on missed freethrows, for example.