NEWS: Where Have All The Prom Queens Gone?

GEEK: Where Have All The Prom Queens Gone?

Hi, I’m Mur. I’m a geek. While I have embraced this geekdom for the past fifteen or so years, it was terrible to go through high school when my girlfriends didn’t share my passion for They Might Be Giants or Star Wars, and none of the boys wanted anything to do with me.

Well, romantically, that is. I had several friends who thought I was -– say it with me -– one of the guys. I ran for student government; I lost to a girl named Valerie. My Bloom County–inspired campaign signs were defaced and torn down. Forget running for homecoming queen; that’s just ridiculous. No one would even consider geeky little me for such a lofty position.

I was ignored; the smart one who kept her head down and worked backstage in the theater department. The one who wanted to be a writer.

Of course, in college I made friends who understood me, cared about me, and didn’t seem to think that I needed heels and pretty hair to fit in. And now that I’m an adult, more or less, I’m geeky, confident, and don’t give a damn about those who made high school a depressing place.

So. How many of you have the same story? Many, I bet. There were several of us geeks in high school, several who saw those four years as long, arduous tests intended to cause so much trauma to us in order to prepare us for the rest of our lives. But as I make friends, many of whom tell me of their geeky status in high school, one question stands out to me.

What happened to all the popular kids?

Seriously. Where did they all go? There are several explanations, I suppose. They could all be right in front of me, just not wanting to say so, uncomfortably hiding under the radar in the same way that kids whose parents paid for their college educations did when friends swapped student loan or work study stories. If you have no “high school was hell” stories, then you’re not terribly interesting in many social circles. Especially if your stories revolve around, “I made high school hell for others.”

Another option would be that they went into careers that exist outside of my world. I hang out with a lot of artists, writers, and computer engineers. I suppose most of those jobs are done by classically geeky people. I always assumed that the popular kids went off to get jobs as investment bankers or spouses of investment bankers. I don’t know any investment bankers. This does not bother me.

But my favorite option is the Lost Island of the Prom Queens. I was chatting with my arch-nemesis Matt Wallace the other day, and I said that I wondered if the popular people just stopped once they left high school; that they had reached the pinnacle of their lives. He said they were all shipped, in their prom dresses and rented tuxes, to the Lost Island of the Prom Queens. This of course upsets the boys, as the island is named for their dates, not them. And broken tiaras lie in dusty corners like discarded bones.

(Incidentally, Matt was also a geek in high school, a journalism geek who had a menacing frame and left at age sixteen to become a pro wrestler. Now he writes horror. Think I’m kidding?)

I do remember a book from the 90’s where the main protagonist was a woman who had been the prom queen in high school, the most popular girl ever, whose life did stop at eighteen. She led a life of aimless depression because her court had been disbanded and she didn’t know what to do with herself. That made the most sense to me; for most of us, life began when we escaped high school. For the popular kids, everything changed. They likely went somewhere that forced them to start from scratch. Maybe they pledged the Greek lifestyle (I know very little about that, as I didn’t pledge) –– you do meet people who were in frats and sororities –– but no one ever talks about their prom queen heyday.

I’d love to end this column with a report on my ten year high school reunion, on how I went back, confident and happy, and saw for my own eyes what happened to Jessica, Beth, Joleta, Teddy, Craig, and David. The beautiful ones, the popular ones. Those for whom high school served as their own personal golden eating trough, what are they doing? I’d love to tell that story, but, well… I wasn’t invited to the ten year reunion.

Remember what I said about being ignored?

I still haven’t gotten past high school angst. I’m thirty-five, confident, happily married, and actually doing what I wanted to do since I was twelve. And yet I still get shaken and return to the same horrific awkwardness and shyness that I felt back in the day (like the time I desperately tried to get David to notice me). I sometimes wonder if I would be better off if I found out where they were now, what they were doing. Then I realize I’m a lot happier thinking of them on the Lost Island of the Prom Queens.

Yup. Thirty-five, confident, and petty. That’s me.


Mur Lafferty is an author and podcaster who recently released her first novel, Playing For Keeps. She Speaks Geek every month on SuicideGirls.com. Click HERE for more of Mur's musings.

Great article....I have always wondered about that too.

I was in the band in high school. Well, I still am really, being a classical musician now. Doing what I absolutely love! And when I went back to my reunion, after way too much agony and indecision about whether or not to go, I learned something that made me pretty happy.

If you had gone to that reunion, you would have found that they really are lost out on that island. It was almost depressing how clear a line it was. The popular kids, the jocks, the cheerleaders, those types, were in one group, and us geeks and, well, normal folks were in others. The popular ones were desperately trying to relive high school. Clearly it was the top of their life.

Us geeks just sat back and made fun of them.

But you're right. They did seem to disappear. After high school, they seemed to fall off the planet. Although, I do remember seeing them every once in a while. I remember seeing former football players working at local gas stations. I remember hearing about former cheerleaders dropping out of college to go to (really!) beauty school, or real estate school.

It really did make me feel better, in some slightly evil way, to know that those kids that I despised in high school, the ones that ruled the school and thought that made them thusly rule the universe, really did drop off the planet afterwards.

The funny thing is I see some of those people now and they are always really cool with me. Ten years ago they didn't give a damn about me, but now they want to know what I've been up to. Luckily I've mastered the art of acting like a care until they walk away.

Facebook is quite an amusing tool to snoop on people i really did not get on with at school.

I'm a bit confused.

i understand perfectly, but i'm not sure how to explain it.

I was kinda wondering about that myself. ^^^ A little confusion.

I never had the full experience of HS dropped out in my sophomore year.

Did have a crush on a girl I am still sometimes curious about. Amanda the only girl I think really recognized me. Granted I didn't have the guts to approach her.

But that is all ancient history.

On a website known for its freaks and geeks, I'm sure most of us can relate to this article.

As someone has already mentioned, it's rather easy these days to see what those people in high school are doing now. My unscientific research shows that most of the popular girls are married with children, some of them didn't even wait until leaving high school. Most of them have the same kind of boring jobs most people have; working in customer service or middle management, while an unsurprising amount are stay at home moms. I don't know that this is any different than the geeks, though, and it probably isn't.

As far as the guys, most of them are still as douchy now as they were then. You see these guys everyday, they make up the majority of the male population. They amplified their frat boy lifestyle in college, and continue to live that life to this day with "their boys".

In essence, nothing really changes after high school; people are still cliquey and judgmental, I see it everyday, even on this website.

Reminds me of a Buddhist parable:

I'm interested in seeing some of these Bloom County inspired campaign signs, if you happen to still have one hidden away somewhere.

It's funny how the Theatre Dept. is kind of the catch all waiting area for all the Geeks and Freaks, trying to finish H.S. intact. That's where I went to get away from jock bullies, and the popular girls who didn't know I was alive.

And I've never left.

Still today I work in theatre, avoid jocks in bars and still feel very geeky around pretty women. Where ever I've gone I've always felt a popular crowd developing. It tends to make me uncomfortable. Unless I'm in the centre of it. So I still get to define that group as geeky and feel comfortable again.

On a rare occasion I run into people who were on the fringes of the H.S. Popular crowd. Usually when I'm working a Country - Rock show or Christmas Shopping. I don't recognize them for the most part. Unless they say hi first and I scramble through my brain to remember their names. They all look very normal, around my age and tend to have kids.

I think the popular crowd works in retail management for the most part. I thank god I've never had to be in retail management. because you have to sell shit to people who really don't need it.

<~~~ AV Squad
<~~~ Carried all books in a backpack and didn't use locker until late Sophomore year
<~~~ AP Comp Sci in grade 10
<~~~ Punched in face by "cool kid" for walking past his group

High School sucked until I started smoking a lot of pot. Stoners are great friends.

I was unpleasantly surprised by how much like high school the corporate world is. Thankfully I'm on the design team, so it's cool nerds ahoy.

No one is perfect, Mur, and the fact is you have made a lot of yourself since high school. That means a lot. It may not be enough for you sometimes, but that's how life is.

I think this is the real story in most of the case.

I'm in school now to be an investment banker. Most of the people I associated with in high school are also going to be investment bankers, accountants, consultants(lol nerds), and marketing execs.

the girls for the most part have become teachers. I think you can look at that two ways. The pessimistic view is that education is the easiest major at most colleges, I hope this isn't the case. The other, nearly as pessimistic view, is that they became teacher to get back to school, since school is where they hit their prime.

99% of those people gain weight and lose self-confidence. And yes, Facebook can be an amusing tool if applied properly

Don't really give it much thought. They were generally more fucked up than every other sub group combined. It is really odd how when you run into them now they are always so nice. I have random people from high school on myspace messaging me like 'omg how have you been since high school. i can still remember (insert random high school story here)' It always amazes me that they remember stupid stories, when I wasn't even aware that they knew who I was then. 8 years later and you can remember that I had the most super awesome rainbow brite socks on crazy sock day freshman year? wtf?

Howdy Miss. Perhaps you remember me. Perhaps I'm the sort of person that you remember from your past. I'm looking for a job right now. I'm the sort of person that might have been your friend yet is looking for the sort of job that you fear your enemies might have ended up with. Something in finance anyway. I'm a geek that decided that physics was hard and logic as fun and econ might make me money. The economy sure makes me look stupid especially when economic jobs still need a cunning asshole style interview.

I just am posting this....

I don't know why.


I guess to speak for the unspoken geek. How sought alcohol as a way to be king. Even though the kings still reigned. The ones who still hope there time is come. THe ones who haven't seen the rewards of brains.... THe ones whose awkwardness still hurts. The ones who look at the writers and think that could be me even though they know the don't know people well enough to write that well...

By which I mean...I loved your novel.

I want to hear more stories from you....

Though I did have some problems with your story...

You know geeks would catch you out. I couldn't help but think it as you read it.... The ability to keep what yours is super strong. Keepsies power should have been obvious. The douche bags are douces came on too strong.... At least to me... Maybe I'm just that sort of geek....

I'm sorry....


I'm... sorry if this is too personal for a public comment.... If I am rude please chastise.... There is nothing I want more than geek news. Now that flux is gone you are my favorite.... No offense. Cool fellow is a close second/third.


I love your writing.... I wish I could do as welll.... I know I can't.... I do feel like keepsie was overpowered though... I do love super powers and do love your writing.

Sometimes people just grow up, and change. I used to harbor a lot of anger for people like that, but then I asked myself 'to what end?'.

I missed that part of your post, and sadly I have to agree.

I suppose this is the part of the thread where I quote the Help page.

Hey, I admit to having my own little clique of friends here, and have been guilty of jumping to judgment on people. It's just recently come to my attention that some of the people I've jumped to judgment on, are actually ok people. Sometimes those judgments even come from within my own friends.