How long is too long?

No, this thread isn't about dongs.....perverts.....I just wanted to know how long was too long to take to get over someone. I'm still having a pretty rough time and it's been a year. Am I certifiable or what? And if so, can you recommend a good asylum? Seriously though, I am having a pretty rough go of things and could use some advice....

A year isn't that long. It all depends on how in love you were/are and how things ended. I have had real quick recoveries from long relationships, but I had dealt with my issues and was really ready to move on by time of break-up. I have also had a relatively short relationship (2 years) that took me 6 years to get over the loss and frankly I still have some small deep seated issues many years later... so I can't honestly say that I have completely recovered.

SoEffinHappy, is... sad?

seriously though, if you are in an environment where you still see this person on a regular basis, it's going to prolong the agony. if its a club, or bar, or social gathering, stop going, and the more time that passes without seeing this person, the better you will feel.

ok this is no good at all. i should move or something

holy crap, i hope this isn't true... or that there's some exception to this rule...

or i'm in for 10 years!

No way I'm breaking up... It would take 52 years to recover.
Maybe likker accelerates the process.

Huh. I always heard it was roughly half the length of the relationship. Seems right to me. 6 month relationship = 3 month recovery. Etc.

But I think a year is about the limit. Hell, if someone died and you were still totally fucked up about it a whole year later people would think you were weird.
Sorry dude. Pull it together, man!


[Edited on Nov 08, 2003 by Keith]

phew! i agree with this statement 100%.

i'm at about 2 months without her... and while i still love and miss her... i am getting over her. it's been helping me to find distractions, lost friends, new friends and hobbies and also looking at all the reasons why it wasn't working and why it's really better this way.

[Edited on Nov 08, 2003 by superficial]

indeed. suffice it to say that time heals all wounds. how much time is up to you.

other things that help:

break off all communication with the ex. sounds like an obvious thing to do but habits are hard to break.

remove all pictures, trinkets and teddy bears that remind you of the ex. you don't have to throw these things out, just out of sight.

if you have some single friends, spend some quality time with them. hanging out with couples is like running your finger nails across the chalkboard of your heart.

the holiday season will no doubt be a rough time but one of these days you'll wake up and the first thing that you think of will not be your ex, but of sg. like most normal people.



good luck.

Unless someone died, something happened to fuck up the relationship, and unless the two people work that shit out within a couple months or the relationship ending, it's not likely going to be fixed again. (sometimes relationships just run their course) So give talking things out a shot, and if it doesn't work you'll have to accept that it's over. Thinking of why it didn't work out and even thinking of fond times creates more pain and delusion. You can't figure out why shit didn't work out if you sit around thinking about it, you get her out of your head and sooner or later you just figure it out, it's called a learning experience. The sooner and harder you work get your head straight the happier you'll be.

I was with my lover for 8 years and it took 3 years to get back to happy after we quit each other.

I really, really, really hope this doesn't happen to you.

I can't really explain what eventually changed; one day it just didn't seem to matter so much any more........

it takes as long as it takes. You shouldnt have to justify the way you feel to anyone. Especially if you really loved the person. your emotions arent a light switch you cant just turn them off and on.

Best reply I think here.


Take your time. Dont rush. If it was deep, and it sounds like it was. You will find solace in something or someone else. Just take your days as they come. Do things. Go out, concerts, parties, small socials, shop for music, do art (crap thats what I do ) Do whatever you can to break the cycle of things. Broken hearts scar but they mend.

Take care of yourself.

It has very little to do with how long you're with someone... it's really more about how meaningful the relationship is to you. Ultimately it takes as long as it takes and worrying about whether you should be 'over it by now' is pretty much pointless. You'll be ready to move on when you are; accept that as surely as you will when you really are ready to move on.

I believe they're always part of you, it just kinda keeps diminishing. Like someday when your 60 you'll "remember when...".

Too be honest mah fren'...you may never get over it...you may always have that dull ache right in the center of your chest...I once thought that the answer to this question was hidden somewhere in the bottom of a bottle of Jim Beam....nope definitely not there....Then I thought it might be found in the arms of someone else....unfortunately for both of us, not there either....and it definitely wasn't to be found under the stack of late bills, tickets and arrest warrants.....
Best thing .really try to avoid being around that person,and that may give you some sort of peace and the space you need to get yer head together
But to be honest with ya, this question has and will be around before and after you an me are long gone....

Chin up!

it's been 5 years and I've never fully "recovered" from my last serious girlfriend. I don't spend my days pining for her, I don't even think of her regularly. And to tell you the truth....we weren't right for each other. But of all the women I've been with...she's the one I wish would have worked.

It's not regret. Regret is for suckers.

All I can tell you SoEffinHappy is soldier up. Go to work in the morning, go out with your friends, take some time for yourself, it's ok to cry about it, take a day or two to completely feel sorry for yourself....wallow in it unabashedly....after that day or two...come out of your cell and rejoin society. And I promise, every day.....it will hurt a little less.

Thats what they said on Sex and the City. So it must be right.

I'd say it's a bit of never getting over them and until you meet someone else.

A bit of you never really gets over someone, but when you then meet someone else, it doesn't hurt so much and you find yourself brooding less.

Spike

...but the pain all crashes back when the stitches are being taken out...

I've heard the same thing.

It seemed to be true for me too. We were together for about 4 1/2 years and it's taken me about 9 years to fully get over all aspects of my last break-up. I think the major pain ended after about 3 years or so, though.