Successfully Navigating the Dreaded "Friendzone"?

i actually disagree completely. i think this kind of conversation is completely annoying to some people. it presents no new information or choices for anyone - she already knows what our hero wants, and she already knows she can call him when she might be ready. while some people appreciate the extra honesty and communication, i think that such appreciation is not the norm. relationships are tricky: what is unsaid is infinitely more important than what's said. if you treat desire like a legal contract rather than an organic process, it's already too late.

it is possible to make the transition from friends to lovers. i've done it before and continue to be friends with this girl many years after the fact, though that is advice i'll save until you've broken up with this one.

your situation was different that mine in a few key areas however. i was content to continue a friendship with this girl because i was dating a friend of hers and through that friend was how we met. after her friend became disinterested in me, we continued to spend a lot of time with each other and one thing led to another in quite a natural way.

you don't want a friendship and she doesn't want a romantic relationship (for now). this kind of reminds me of soeffinhappy's post today asking how long it should take for him to get over his ex. your target seems to be in this same predicament. she is still reeling form her last relationship and there is no telling how long it will take her to "get over it."

i applaud you for not giving up at the first sign of adversity. however, i strongly warn you against inaction. if there is a certain path to the "friendzone" it is certainly through inaction.

while i agree with sorcha in that this girl will make the ultimate decision on whether any romance enters into your relationship, you have complete control of your actions.

now, i don't want to sound calculating because i don't believe that love is a 12 step program, but you do need a plan of action. first of all, trust your instincts. you believe she's dropped clues for you, that's good. as long as you feel you are receiving these clues, keep on truckin'. second, you need a timetable. how long are you willing to wait for her to "get over" her past relationship and how much time are you willing to invest to secure the ultimate goal of a romantic relationship? third, establish an intermediate goal. mine would be to stay out of the "friendzone." i think the most important strategy for staying out of the "friendzone" is avoid becoming a "girlfriend." if she at some point asks you to check out something she just released due to menstrual flow, you've failed (and yes, that happened to me). avoid becoming the shoulder to cry on, don't let her paint your toenails and give you a perm. i think it's best to evaluate your situation mostly from the safety of a larger group of friends with a little one-on-one time thrown in to further your romantic cause.

if your timetable expires or you get the feeling that it ain't gonna happen you've gotta either accept friendship or jump ship. it may be rough but it'll be best for your emotional well being.

one last thing. who says you can't multi-task? if you're trying to avoid the "friendzone" why not check out those less green but easier pastures, you never know what you may find.

other than that, here's to being lucky in love...

Actually i call up my friend Mike all the time and do that...we've determined that track lighting is best for watching the game and that our friendship is headed forward.

See i want a relationship or at least to date this girl. I don't want one night stands or fuck-buddies. I want real meaningful interactions as i've had too many of the others to suit me. Maybe i'll just play the whole thing by ear and wait for the "where's this friendship going" conversation until i've spent more time with her. We have, after all, only known each other a few weeks and only hung out about twice. But i also dig MrLucky's plan of action idea.