NEWS: Idiot Spots Man in Ninja Costume, Panics

GEEK: Idiot Spots Man in Ninja Costume, Panics

I suppose I should be happy. I wrote a story back in January that lamented the current sad state of the ninja. His once fearsome image abused, parodied, left meaningless in the modern era. And the last straw, some suburban smash and grab artist (that's slang people who know of such things use, right? I thought it sounded tough) dressing up as a ninja to rob houses.

So, yeah, I should be ecstatic, what I most wanted in this world has come to fruition, man once again dreads those black-clad harbringers of doom... and yet, all I feel is dissapointment in the stupidity of humans. Humans from New Jersey.

I spend a good deal of my waking hours defending my beloved homeland, from half-hearted shots targeting IROCS, puffy sneakers, mullets and other NJ staples, and I'm happy to keep on defending her. I love NJ. But the fact that this incident happened there makes things... harder.

Wow. A school. An institution dedicated to teaching the young about the world, and life, and how to behave... was locked down after some dude thought he saw a fucking ninja. LOCKED DOWN.

What happened to that built-in response present in all of us that kicks in on those occasions when one thinks he sees a ninja, to say, "Hmmm, I'm guessing there's a reasonable explanation here, and that I did not, in fact, just see a ninja." You know the one I mean, right?

Ahhh, there's that reasonable explanation! We were just talking about you! I knew you'd turn up, reasonable explanation, you crazy kid you...

So some gym teacher or drunk-on-gas-fumes maintenance man thinks he sees a ninja and -- (TheCoolerKing is tapped on the shoulder and directed to this other account of the story.)

Damn it. It's like NJ is testing my faith. I believe in you NJ, I do, but why must you make it so damn hard. I looked the other way when you forwarded spiky hair, I pretended not to notice when you embraced fleece hoodies and embroidered jeans but this... I cannot abide by this.

Let's think about this... The person in charge or books and knowledge and with access to everything from visual records of actual ninjas, to tomes cataloguing arcane rituals like "Halloween," thought he saw a ninja... Yay, mankind!

How many other people attending that party were late, and decided to cut through the woods that day, I wonder?

Librarian: "Hi, I'm the guy who just called about the ninja... Now I see a fairy princess! Send help right away! Oh shit, she's with Harry Potter! And just behind them is Spider-Man, and he's carrying a lunchbox!

Hmmm. Now George W. Bush has joined them, but he's much smaller than I'd have thought, if I'd ever thought, and his head is weird. It's almost mask-like in spots. I'd investigate further but why take chances, right? Send an airplane to kill them please hurry!"

The most emmbarrassing half hour in NJ history since the invention of the Oakley Razer Blade.

Not that there aren't enough documented moments of stupidity here already, but, what's the point of a lockdown? If it was an actual ninja after all, one of two things would've happened, neither of which would've been impacted by the doors getting locked.

1) The ninja slips effortlessly into the school without making a whisper, butchers everyone inside, then goes on to slaughter the local cops, hundreds of tough-acting guidos, the U.S. Army, a few dozen marines and eventually, anyone on the planet not a ninja.

2) If the ninja was off the lackey variety, the shop teacher/ex special forces vet laying low at the school uses a saw blade to kill the ninja and fifty of his brothers without breaking a sweat, before going on the road, desperate to outrun his past, and all that he's done...

Please NJ, next time get a closer look.



TheCoolerKing misses taylor ham and cheese on a bagel.

lol fear the ninjas the will kill you all

arrrrrr!!!

another reason t' leave th' procurement process t' th' professionals!



scallywags would 'ave left a pirate t' thar plunderin' 'n perhaps requested a photo op!

You know...I really don't see how calling the police about a guy running through the woods with what appears to be a large sword...near an Elementary school is all that ridiculous.

According to the article, the lockdown lasted 30 minutes and ended after the police determined the person was not dangerous.

Had classes been cancelled, the guy been charged with something or the police shooting him...THAT would have been ridiculous.

Guy spotted running in the woods near a school...suspiciously dressed and carrying what appears to be a large sword, Staff member spots him, calls police, police lock down schools, perform investigation...and everything is cleared up in half an hour...no harm, no foul? That sounds painfully reasonable & non-sensational to me in every respect.

Well obviously that's 'cuz you're from New Jersey.

Prior to the lockdown, prior to the police being called and students panicked, a simple "Hey, what are you doing?" would've cleared things up.

It is not reasonable to panic because someone suspect "walked near a school." Lack of common sense, that's the ridiculous part.

"someone" didn't "walk near a school". Accoring to the article you linked...a man dressed in all black, carrying a large sword, was running through the woods adjacent to the school.

suspicious person...running through the woods...carrying a large sword...ANYWHERE other than a movie set, halloween, or a ninja-battlefield....in my opinion, warrants a call to the local PD.

I grew up in Ocean County...and I knew exactly where Barnegat Township is. To the best of my knowledge...suspicious people running through the woods carrying swords is not an activity indigenous to that area.

Dunno, man. The suspect was walking near a school with what someone thought was a real sword.

Would it really be wise for the librarian to shout out something simple such as, "Hey, what are you doing?"

Unless she felt she could defend herself with a book marker.

Not unless it was:

What the article didn't mention was that while this was going on, a ninja disguised as a camp counselor sneaked into the school and murdered John Connor. It was a terminator ninja, as it turns out.

That's some funny shit. Seriously, there isn't anything reasonable about this incident at all, because the story starts like, "Librarian sees NINJA runnin through the woods at 9 in the morning." That is sensational. If not for any other reason, then just because of the answer to this question: When was the last time you read/heard a story about a ninja in the news? Exactly.

<irony> All they were doing was protecting the young ones from a very real threat. </irony>

Who fucking kills anyone with a sword these days? I would LOVE it if we could go back to running around the woods with swords and actually needing some kind of skill to kill your enemies (or children for that matter).

It's not funny! I hear pirates have been seen in the New England area, complete with eye patch, peg leg, and sassy parrot!

Gee, I wonder if they'd have shut down if they really had seen a pirate...

It's a lot more common than you might think

<-- look out it's a ninja!

OH GOD HE'S FOLLOWING ME

That's a disgrace to the name ninja.

I think the overreaction is that they locked down five schools, four of them presumably in ninja free zones.

With ninjas, how can you tell? All zones are potentially infested with ninjas.

Unless the zone is aquatic by nature, at which point it is infested with Pirates.

Per the Ninja/Pirate Treaty of 1276 signed on the deck of The Mariners Wench off the shores of Japan "No Ninja shall enter a body of water deeper then 3 inches, or board any object floating on a body of water deeper then 3 inches. In exchange, no Pirate shall set his feet upon shore longer then it takes to bury a treasure chest."

However, the validity of said treaty has been called into question since Peg Leg Pete spent roughly 7 years in modern day Havana, Cuba citing that the treaty expressly says "feet" and not "foot and peg leg".

They'll shut down the whole state if you get a high school-full of Soviet paratroopers.

Then only the children will be able to save us.

why would someone even have seen this guy and thought it must be a ninja, if by any remote chance you see a ninja its already to the point where he has planned your demise and is only a step away from ending your life so next time take into account ninjas arent seen so easily

I agree with you, but it's fairly obvious that there aren't a lot of parents in the thread. Had this story taken a slightly different twist - "Crazed man dressed as ninja abducts child. Librarian sees man, does nothing." - imagine the shit storm.

He wouldn't have to abduct a child.

"Crazed man dressed as ninja spotted by parent. Librarian sees man, does nothing." - would have initiated its own shit storm.