NEWS: $20 Bounty on Mike Myers Comedy

CELEB: $20 Bounty on Mike Myers Comedy

Yeah, that's right. Twenty dollars in cold hard cash to the person who can find an original or funny moment in Mike Myers' new film The Love Guru. I'm not sure I've seen a more laugh-free, cringe-worthy trailer in all of my life.

They need to create two new words meaning SHIT and GARBAGE, put them in a box and encourage them to sire offspring, then use that new bastard child-word to describe this debacle.

I'm not sure Myers has ever been funny, but people often make an argument for Wayne's World. I didn't like Austin Powers at all, but I know some respectable types who did. I seem to vaguely recall enjoying So I Married An Axe Murderer in high school, though I could be wrong about how it holds up. But this new offering, holy hell... I'd like to hear from the person out there who chuckled at this stale, ham-fisted stereotype. It honestly seems like something out of an early '90s time capsule, also containing a Hootie & The Blowfish cassingle, tribal tattoos and a gigapet. Although, by comparison, those things are hilarious.

I don't know where to begin. How about with the fact that half the gimmick of this "character," the sex-schtick, has been lifted from Austin Powers. Then there's the never-not-riotously funny gag of bouncing a midget around the set. The midget featured here has had this role role before. It took me a few seconds to remember where. Oh yes, that's right, in Austin Powers. I wonder if they re-used the footage and just CGI'd new outfits onto him. Oh wait, I forgot midgets are funny. I meant "get new doll clothes" for him.



Again, 20 bucks to the person who finds the so-called comedy of The Love Guru. Not as easy as it sounds, as you actually have to watch the movie to complete this mission. No fun for anyone. The other option is attempting to extract something funny from the trailer, also impossible, even with high-tech microscopes and the use of freeze frame. There is however a large portion of "not funny" present.

- The first gag, a funny sounding town name that when spoken slowly reads as "hair-in-my-keister." That's right, the first thing you see to sell the movie, is a joke that my shut-in drunken uncle would frown at. Think about what that jokes inclusion means. It means that numerous, NUMEROUS people read that line in the script or heard it ad-libbed and then said "Yes... that's REALLY funny. Put it in."

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing," seems pretty appropriate here.

All I'd have hoped for is that a moderately funny man or assistant or grip, had done ANYTHING.

- This is followed by a CGI-adult Mike Myers' head pasted onto a kid Mike Myers' body. This is funny because, you see, Mike Myers is actually an adult. He is NOT a kid. But for the purposes of hilarity, he is a kid here. A kid with an adult's head. Trust me when I tell you I type this with tears of laughter rolling down my face. Wait, sorry, I meant the opposite of laughter-tears. What's the kind for when bad stuff happens? Those.

- Then the Guru abruptly stands up in a teeny-tiny midget office like they have nowhere, and smashes the teeny-tiny ceiling. Nope, they don't even bother to give him a proper excuse like, something startling him, he merely lurches upwards for no good reason to deliver the money shot of awesome that is a ceiling breaking. He somehow entered a tiny room, sat down and instantly forgot where he was. If only people watching this movie could master the same trick. The only way that joke could get worse is if you saw it twice, and fortunately, I bet you'll see it three more times before the "movie" ends. Dare we hope for a messy version? Then one involving maybe an unseen tree branch? Oh man, are you listening God?

- The next gem is JT himself, Justin Timberlake, donning tight shorts and a funny wig. A different funny wig than the one Myers wears. And a different funny mustache, too. They at least went that far... JT should stick to making watered down R&B, which my friends-who-dance tell me he's quite good at. What he isn't good at, is this.

- Myers' then remarks regarding Timberlake that "it looks like he's smuggling a schnauser," a joke you might remember from real-life appearances at offices across the land, often used when describing a European seen on a recent beach trip. Another trailer has a version of the "I had a hat like that... then I got a job," line also famous for being found comedy, in use since the '80s. Why not, right? Great call, guys.

- Hah! His little pillow-car beeps when it backs up! Like trucks do! But it's not a truck, you see, it's a...

You've seen this joke before, too, in various sitcoms and films. An actual funny take on the premise is George from "Seinfeld" attempting to work "beep beep" into a conversation, to get Jerry to back the story up, and getting called out on it. A moment far funnier than this entire film. Oh, and one written over ten years ago. Those Foster Farms chickens are right, who needs freshness? Those chickens, by the way? Also funnier than this movie. A full list of things funnier than this movie is impossible but would contain: Tucker Carlson, forks, malaria, stab wounds to the eye, paper, paper cuts and the letter G.

I can't go on. The muscles in my body responsible for cringing have collapsed from over exertion.


This shit movie has a price on its head. The bounty is out. 20 BUCKS! Mailed personally to you from SG headquarters. Claim it if you dare.






TheCoolerKing looks forward to the inevitable comparison of Mike Myers' success and bankroll with his own, comment from an unfunny fellow with a poor mastery of the caps lock.

Well, you could just not go see it...(Personally, I'm boycotting holly (hollow) wood right now...

I've only seen two Mike Myers movies. The first was Wayne's world. It was ok, not great, but ok. The second was Austin Powers. After that, I refuse to watch another Mike Myers movie. I can't even imagine how he is still making movies.

You know, you are a staff writer for a high-traffic web site. That technically makes you 'press'. So you could actually show up to a 'press' screening of this, and review a movie instead of a trailer. Just saying.

Since So I Married an Axe Murderer, Mike Myers' films have progressively gotten less and less funny. After I noticed that the trend wasn't ending after 4 subsequent films (that's right--about 6 hours of my life I will never get back), I didn't bother seeing the third Austin Powers and I'm sure not going to waste my time with this one. Maybe I'll come back to Myers when he doesn't feel the need to dress up as a wacky cartoon character or play multiple roles.

Oh, wait. I left out Shrek. I'm not sure where that came in the Mike Myers chronology, but I don't care. If Phil Hartman hadn't died, he could have continued to make all the SNL people funnier than they actually are. One of the few saving moments of So I Married an Axe Murderer is his role as "Vickie," the former Alcatraz guard.

Comedy-film promotion departments generally try to put the funniest bits into the trailer, to get asses into seats for a big opening weekend.

When they can't scrape up two minutes of genuinely funny stuff for the trailer, it's a bad sign.

What? "Shiarbage" isn't high-brow enough for you?

As bad as it is likely to be the most amazing thing is not that he gets these movies made at all but that then an enormous number of people pay to see them. Astonishing really.

Yep.. reviewing a film by watching the trailer is par for the course for the "cooler king". Brilliant!

OOh, look, a personal bitchfest a-brewin! Lets watch

i just Hollyw$$d can find it in their greedy hearts to stay true to the original trailer, when they remake it into a feature-length film!

It's actually meta-comedy. You're not supposed to laugh at the movie, you're supposed to laugh at the people who pay money to see the movie. And then stab the ones who liked it.

Ugh. Good call cooler king. Ive seen billboards (billboards!!!) for this shitfest and I wondered, who finds him funny any more? with the predictable accents and the midgets? The problem may be that he hasnt performed for anyone but execs in years. Just Not Funny.

dont cry for mike, hes making bank off shrek.

i never liked mike meyers, ever

i hate movies that are stupid-funny

Sweet All, why on Earth would he want to do that?

He has basically said everything about the trailer that my girlfriend and I have, only it's in KoolerKing speak. Which is fine in cases like this. "Shut-in drunken uncle would frown at" made me LOL for sure.

Holy crap, y'know, I've certainly posted my fair share of "Cooler King Sucks" posts, but people are seriously castigating him for not reviewing this film? ...after he has established that one of his recurring bits is to review trailers? Who cares? Who really needs movie reviews? Name one instance when a movie review was a huge help, as opposed to, say, spoiling an important part of the film or keeping you from seeing a film that you later on found out you thought was really good. Anybody.

Or just keep being sheep and bleating for somebody else to tell you whether or not you'll like a movie and why. I think TCK's review holds up. If you're unrepentant Mike Myers fan, mercy on your soul. Peace.

I liked So I married an Axe Murderer. Waynes World and the first two Austin Powers had their moments (number three was absolute crap), but were ruined more by the fans annoyingly quoting lines ad nauseum from the film in horrendous imitations of Austin Power's accent.

This film looks like absolute shit, and quite frankly, a bit racist, like the anti-Japanese films before and after WWII with the "Me so sorry" and "flied lice" lines.

I think it looks funny, but then again, I have a sense of humor.

I'm sure I won't see this particular Mike Myer's outing, as it doesn't seem too good. But I really enjoyed the first two Austin Powers files and the first Wayne's World. Myers is also really good as Shrek.

I realize that from some folks think that guys like Mike Myers are purveyors of low-brow comedy, but sometimes a movie is just entertainment and sometimes ya just want to kick back, relax and have a few laughs.

And just to make TCK happy:

ZOMG HOW DARE U DIS MIEK MYERS LIKE THAT. U R TEH SUXXORS.

mike myers IS funny, this movie just doesn't look that great.

are we going to compare it to don't mess with the zohan?

at least some of these former snl comics are out there trying to be absurdly funny, it's more than i can say about tina fey and her attempts to put out a movie.

Because let me tell you, TheCoolerKing knows from not funny.

Haven't seen her movies but 30 Rock is the funniest show on TV. That makes up for any other misfires.

It's true...

Wait, are you kidding about the dig or the fact that you think the movie looks funny? I honestly want to hear from someone who enjoyed that trailer. The mind reels at the possible existence of such a creature.

No, thanks.

when I first saw the ad, I thought "Looks like leftover Austin Powers jokes!"