God is sinner

Seattle, where I'm from, has a whole lot of churches. Churches everywhere. Also religious schools, bill boards, television shows, etc. But Seattle's religious scene is nothing compared to what I'm bombarded with now that I'm living in the South. Can't go anywhere without tripping over a bunch of physically small but piously huge churches. Big churches, small churches, red churches, blue churches. Church signs everywhere. At least half a dozen religion based channels on the local TV lineup. Big ass giant crosses next to the free way. Pithy religious bumper stickers on every pick up truck, etc. All this religion slapping me in the face got me to thinking this morning. Not about Jesus and the state of my soul (which is just fine) or the hereafter or any of that. I was thinking about the inherent contradictions in christian dogma. More specifically, I was contemplating the concept of sin and how it jives (or doesn't jive) with the christian big guy himself. I'm talking about the real sins. The big ones. The big baddies that are the worst sins you can commit. Not those pissy little venial sins that you can make go away with X amount of Hail Mary's or Our Fathers. I'm talking about the really bad ones, the ones that are supposed to let ol Satan himself in to party, The Seven Deadly Sins Which are, in case you forgot, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride. The point of all this, is that it occurs to me that God himself embodies most of these sins. Let's run down the list...

Wrath... This one is easy. The whole 'vengeful God' thing says it all. According to the Bible, God gets awfully angry all the freakin time. Smiting this and smoting that. Raining fire and brimstone down on whole cities, etc. God is a seriously angry deity! You could say that God has a anger control problem. So, God is angry. That's a sin.

Envy... This goes right along with wrath. Not only is God vengeful, he is also a jealous God. It says so right in the book itself. Thou shalt not put any gods before me. Sounds like a jealous boyfriend. God gets jealous, then he gets angry, then people go to hell. Yay God! That's 2 for 2.

Lust... I don't know too much about God's sex life. There is a lot of sex in the Old Testament, but it's never God getting his holy rocks off. It's always some douche bag deflowering his brothers wife or his daughter or his goat or some shit like that. So God never gets it on himself (except that one time with Mary, but one lay hardly makes a sex fiend), but according to the churches I grew up in, God cares an awful lot about virgins and virginity. And I know how virgins make me feel. Giggity. But I'll cut God some slack and not attribute this one to him. 2 out of 3 so far.

Sloth... And on the seventh day he rested. Sounds like laziness to me. If idle hands are the devil's play things, then a whole day of rest sounds down right devilish to me. Plus, what about all those prayers that go unanswered? All my life, I was told that I should pray to God. But God never replied. Guess he was too busy resting to be bothered. Yep, that's a sin.

Greed... Why does God want all of our prayers? And he wants EVERYBODY to believe in him and only him. Sounds awfully greedy to me. Like a little kid who won't share his toys with the other kids. And according to some preacher type people, God not only wants our faith and our prayers, he also wants our money too!! Holy shit! This guy is supposed to be infinitely powerful and all knowing, yet he still needs a chunk of my sad little pay check? WTF? Get a job you lazy greedy bastard!

Gluttony... Ummm, unless God wants all those prayers so that he can eat them, I don't really see this one. UNLESS he doesn't want us to believe in other gods because when we die, he eats our souls. Hmmmm. I may have to let God pass on this one. Theoretical soul eating isn't enough to convict in this case.

and that brings us to Pride... God is chock full of pride. Just read pretty much any page in the bible. 'I am the one true God', 'Put no other gods before me', 'Look at my works and rejoice', etc. All over the place God goes on and on about how awesome he his, how he was the first god, and the one true god, and how he has the all time high score at Tetris. Pride, yeah. God's got plenty of that.

Out of the Seven Deadly Sins that God hates and despises before all other sins, God himself is guilty of at least 5 of them with the jury still out on the other 2. So in conclusion, God is a greedy, lazy, jealous boyfriend with anger issues and a huge ego who may eat souls and have a thing for virgins. Sounds like a great role model to me.

I love God! He's so deliciously evil!

^^ i love that you are from Climax, Michigan. LOVE IT!

And while we're at it, let's just ask why the omnipresent God didn't anticipate all these sins...

What about the new 7 sins?

Could have used a few paragraph breaks up top, bud.

Whatever you do, do not shoot Kevin Spacey.

What, religions are supposed to make sense now?

But can you dance ?

Yes, yes I can dance.

My paragraph breaks are numerous and well placed thank you very much.

They may be a catholic invention, but they are used and referenced to by more than just catholics. Many non catholic christians have thrown the 7 baddies around.

Good question my friend.
For those who have not heard, Pope Palpatine has thrown down some new, updated Seven Deadly Sins. Let's see how many of these God is guilty of...

1. "Bioethical" violations such as birth control... No brainer. Just look at the platypus and Dick Cheney. Major bioethical violations there. Guilty.

2. "Morally dubious" experiments such as stem cell research... God invented stem cells for pete sake! Of course he must've done a bit of stem cell research. Every time he stuffs some fetus full of tasty stem cells he is sinning.

3. Drug abuse... Not so sure about this one. Does God hit the pipe? Does God do rails off of a strippers ass? I don't know. Unless that's what all the praying is for. Does God gets high off of our prayers? And don't forget the communion wine. If that stuff is the blood of God, then he must be wasted 24/7. Guilty again.

4. Polluting the environment... Plenty of trees have been cut down and streams polluted in order to build all of those churches that God wants. Not to mention all the trees that have gone into 2000 years worth of bible printing and christian bumper stickers. Guilty.

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor... Plenty of people have gotten rich off of the sweat and blood of the poor all in God's name. Have you ever taken a look at the Vatican? That place is hella swanky. Also, God's churches don't pay taxes. Have you ever seen a poor bishop or cardinal? No. Have you ever seen poor church goers? All the freakin time. Guilty yet again.

6. Excessive wealth... Of course the big guy is guilty of this one. Damn near every church I've ever been in has hit me up for money for God. Don't get me started on the televangelist and millions of dollars they have collected for God. God is rich rich rich. God is so rich I'm sure he can afford to get the next round of drinks.

7. Creating poverty... I'm pretty sure that all of those holy wars that God has endorsed left more than a few people broke and/or homeless. I've got to call this one against God.

There you have it. God is guilty of all of the new and improved Seven Deadly Sins. Maybe they should've stuck with the old ones. He was only guilty of 5 of those with 2 undecided.

The southeast.

Give me an example of a christian church that says greed, gluttony, lust, wrath, envy, pride and sloth are not so bad. The idea that these seven sins are worse than all others is from catholicism, but I'm pretty sure that any christian church would agree that those seven are still sins and are to be avoided. The fact that a case can be made to show that the biblical God (doesn't matter which version) is guilty of any sins at all is, in my opinion, delightfully and deliciously ironic.

Thank you. That's what I was going for.