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Vilvalla

Vilvalla

Niagara Falls, ON
April 2008

MAY 17, 2008 01:04 PM


For those of you under 25 and living with your S/O...

How long were you together before you moved in together?

Do you find that things are more often than not 50/50?

For example: bills, cleaning, home improvement, cooking, and so on.

When problems arise regarding these things, how do you deal with it?

Do you have any rituals for "together time", like movie nights, etc?

My boyfriend and I are moving into our own apartment after being together for nearly 6 months. Granted, we have been living together since the two month mark, but with friends also.

So it will be just us in our own apartment as of June 1st!

SaraJ

SaraJ

I'm lost
April 2008

MAY 17, 2008 01:46 PM

My boyfriend and I were together for 9 months before we moved in together. Things are pretty much fifty-fifty with us. We just tend to compromise. Like I do the dishes, and he does the laundry, usually. We always use the computer together, hehe, and play games on it. It's not really a ritual though.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

Vanier, ON
May 2005

MAY 17, 2008 02:09 PM

Why is age relevant to the question?

NathanialBlood

NathanialBlood

United Kingdom
August 2006

MAY 17, 2008 02:16 PM

Bill_the_Cat said:
Why is age relevant to the question?



Because the older you are the more rational and calm you are with each other?

_margot_

_margot_

Los Angeles, CA
December 2007

MAY 17, 2008 02:21 PM

NathanialBlood said:

Bill_the_Cat said:
Why is age relevant to the question?



Because the older you are the more rational and calm you are with each other?



ha!

unravled

unravled

Portland, OR
August 2003

MAY 17, 2008 02:24 PM

Bill_the_Cat said:
Why is age relevant to the question?



No oldsters. Gross!

NathanialBlood

NathanialBlood

United Kingdom
August 2006

MAY 17, 2008 02:28 PM

_Margot_ said:

NathanialBlood said:

Bill_the_Cat said:
Why is age relevant to the question?



Because the older you are the more rational and calm you are with each other?



ha!



This is a fervent hope of mine please don't destroy it. biggrin

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

Vanier, ON
May 2005

MAY 17, 2008 02:33 PM

NathanialBlood said:

_Margot_ said:

NathanialBlood said:

Bill_the_Cat said:
Why is age relevant to the question?



Because the older you are the more rational and calm you are with each other?



ha!



This is a fervent hope of mine please don't destroy it. biggrin



She doesn't have to. Experience should do the job quiet well. tongue

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

Baton Rouge, LA
January 2006

MAY 17, 2008 03:55 PM

Can someone please ban this age-ist.

sweetloretta

sweetloretta

Seattle, WA
June 2003

MAY 17, 2008 04:15 PM

who cares?

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

MAY 17, 2008 04:21 PM

sweetloretta said:
who cares?



How friendly!

sweetloretta

sweetloretta

Seattle, WA
June 2003

MAY 17, 2008 04:22 PM

PointBlank said:

sweetloretta said:
who cares?



How friendly!



my name says it all!

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

MAY 17, 2008 04:24 PM

sweetloretta said:

PointBlank said:

sweetloretta said:
who cares?



How friendly!



my name says it all!



Seriously, someone asked a pretty harmless question. Why the hostility?

sweetloretta

sweetloretta

Seattle, WA
June 2003

MAY 17, 2008 04:25 PM

PointBlank said:

sweetloretta said:

PointBlank said:

sweetloretta said:
who cares?



How friendly!



my name says it all!



Seriously, someone asked a pretty harmless question. Why the hostility?



just teasing

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

USA
December 2005

MAY 17, 2008 04:44 PM

Somebody needs a sense of humor.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

Vanier, ON
May 2005

MAY 17, 2008 04:55 PM

Actually the point I wanted to make is that it's probably more conducive to the OPs concerns to have answers from a broad range of perspectives. Older people might have the advantage of experience and know what works best.

The only advice I can give, from my limited co-habitating experience is don't try to cook meals together. The kitchen always seems like the place where the worst fights happen. Of course I'm a food snob, so...

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

Baton Rouge, LA
January 2006

MAY 17, 2008 05:22 PM

Bill_the_Cat said:
The only advice I can give, from my limited co-habitating experience is don't try to cook meals together. The kitchen always seems like the place where the worst fights happen. Of course I'm a food snob, so...



Also a plethora of readily available weaponry in the kitchen.

Quirky

Quirky

Birmingham, AL
October 2005

MAY 17, 2008 05:25 PM

Is this a myspace chain letter?

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

MAY 17, 2008 05:40 PM

To answer the OPs original questions:

Tangus and I had been dating for several months before we first moved in together. We lived together on and off for awhile while I finished college, and now we've lived together for a year.

Things are mostly 50/50, though I tend to do more cleaning than he does because I'm more of a neat freak. It annoys me sometimes to do more of that sort of work, but in the end it's not a huge deal. It's not like he's a slob, we just have different standards of cleanliness.

We have our fights, but we always seem to deal with problems really well and get over them quickly. We both know it's important to have alone time, so that cuts down on a lot of issues. Just because we live together doesn't mean we have to be right next to each other constantly.

Vilvalla

Vilvalla

Niagara Falls, ON
April 2008

MAY 17, 2008 06:03 PM

Thanks Morgan.

I said under 25 simply because I'm 22 years old.

Mainly, I'm asking for the experiences of those who may be where I am in life; I don't have a high paying job, I have student loans to pay off, and I don't have a lot of relationship experience. Most of my friends are just out of school or almost there, worrying about paying off $40,000 loans. If anything, I think being under 25 and just out of school without the help of Mom and Dad is one of the most stressful times in the first 50 years of a person's life.

Does this have an impact on co-habiting with people?

Such are the questions I'm posing.

The opinions of those who started living with their S/O younger than 25 who are now older than 25 are still valued, of course.

I was just using it as a reference point.

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

MAY 17, 2008 07:25 PM

Oh hell, your job and the money you earn will always have an impact on living with someone. But I'm a firm believer in the idea that you can't be with someone on a long term basis without living with them first. You learn so much about each other from living together, it's just a necessity in my mind.

I will say I know exactly how you feel, as someone who graduated college a year ago. I'm living on the income from my office job, I can't get help from Mom or Dad unless I'm desperate, and it's a new feeling for me, being financially independent. It's horribly stressful to add all of that on top of trying to work out a mature, happy relationship!

NiuNiu

NiuNiu

HOPEFUL

I'm lost

MAY 17, 2008 07:25 PM

my husband and i moved in together after two and half months of dating. it used to be he pays for a grocery trip then i pay for one, and he paid for the both of us when we go out to dinner (since he made more money). but since we got married and i quit my job he pays for everything. of course now we hav a joint account. i've always done the cooking and he does the dishes after dinner. as far as laundry and cleaning, i have to assign him jobs, otherwise he would NEVER take the initiative. men, you just have to tell them what to do, and if they think its fair, they'll do it.

Thistle

Thistle

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAY 19, 2008 08:32 PM

Vilvalla said:

For those of you under 25 and living with your S/O...

How long were you together before you moved in together?



I am 25 but I'm answering these questions anyway. 4 months.

Do you find that things are more often than not 50/50?

For example: bills, cleaning, home improvement, cooking, and so on.



Depends on what's going on in our lives. Right now my boyfriend is in school while I am working steadily so we have "deals" worked out for housework and bills that ease things for him. If/ when I go back to school I know he will reciprocate.

When problems arise regarding these things, how do you deal with it?



Sometimes we fight and sometimes we work things out calmly.

Do you have any rituals for "together time", like movie nights, etc?



Not really. We try to spend a lot of time together but we don't like schedule it.

My boyfriend and I are moving into our own apartment after being together for nearly 6 months. Granted, we have been living together since the two month mark, but with friends also.

So it will be just us in our own apartment as of June 1st!



I find living with him and roommates much more difficult than living just with him. Normal roommate tensions + boyfriend tensions + the weird things that sometimes happen with friends and couples = horrible living situation.

DhD_No_Pants

DhD_No_Pants

Katy, TX
May 2006

MAY 20, 2008 07:20 AM

Well, I'm right at 25, but I feel like throwing my .02 in there.

How long were you together before you moved in together?

About a year. I spent a lot of time over at his place before then, but it didn't happen full time until after I graduated high school. Yeah, we've been together a loooong time.

Do you find that things are more often than not 50/50?

Depends on your idea of 50/50. When I worked, he helped out with the housecleaning stuff. Now that I stay at home, it is my 'job' But we still help each other out. I type up stuff for him at work, and he does laundry and the dishes upon occasion. The important thing is that when you need help, to ask for it. Don't just assume they know what you need. It may be glaringly obvious to you, but not to them.

When problems arise regarding these things, how do you deal with it?

When I was younger, I pouted. He kept silent and tried to take the burden on himself to save me the trouble. Now, we try really really hard to just be up front and say 'I think we need to watch the budget this month, or I would really like a little help around the house, I'm really swamped and feel like I'm getting behind' The most important thing is to bring it up when you aren't angry about it. Instead of throwing his dirty socks that you found under the coffee table at him and screaming IM NOT YOUR FUCKING MOM, PICK UP YOUR SHIT!!!!, wait a few minutes and approach it in as mature a way as possible.

Do you have any rituals for "together time", like movie nights, etc?
Not really. You may actually find it more important to make time apart from each other.

I'm gonna throw in a little advice that doesn't come with a question. If you haven't already, prepare a budget. Make sure that you are both aware of where money is going each month for bills, and that you both sit down together and make the bills out, balance the account together, etc. I made the horrible mistake of letting my husband do all of that alone for a long time, and never knew what a burden it was on him to be the one that always worried about bills.

PRockGirlScout

PRockGirlScout

Portland, OR
October 2005

MAY 20, 2008 08:29 AM

Thistle said:

I find living with him and roommates much more difficult than living just with him. Normal roommate tensions + boyfriend tensions + the weird things that sometimes happen with friends and couples = horrible living situation.



This is so true. We had roommates when we were first together and it was so much smoother when we got our own place.

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