NEWS: Abandon All Hope: Romance in the World of Single

When people get lost in themselves by taking life too seriously, they begin to teach themselves to freak at the thought of someone being more weird and fucked up than they are. It throws their idea of relationships as a self-improvement mechanism all out of whack when the prospect of your problems being more grandiose and attention worthy than their own. The solution? Date a social worker. When your day planner has things like "Practice finger extraction technique for meeting with Sarah The Biter today at 3:00pm.", your freak out threshold is pretty much ready for anything.

i needed to hear this today. wonderfully composed, too.

and i've been told by numerous coworkers and friends that i am well on my way to cat lady, bird lady, bag lady, or a combination of the three for years. it's pretty much my retirement plan.

Wonderful article and comments.

I truly believe the problems with our generation and many of the people on this site is that we are too aware. Our grandparents were told find someone and then put up with them, you have no choice. Having intelligence and the ability to see we noticed that far too often there were two unhappy people. Why make the same mistake? Then we saw our parents, most of most of whom are divorced, try to be happy and never quite succeed. Why get married if I am just going to get divorced? So we have seen many different models for relationships, but none that seem to work.

So we quest out in the dark, intelligent, know what doesn't work, but no clue how to make something that does work. Wanting to be loved for myself cuts down the available dating pool by 90 some percent. And if they are compatible with me they are staying home playing on their computer watching Battlestar Galactica. So my chances of actually meeting them are even slimmer.

Which means we all feel your pain because as intelligent people we are a minority in this great country of ours. If anyone has a clue how to find someone who is compatible with me and how to make it work with two independent people please let us know.

(And if anyone says Eharmony like my relatives I will hurt something)

Perfectly written! I feel the same way, much of the time. My cats love me, but they also love to sniff each others' butts. I rank right up there with cat butt.

You should have your own column, DR. "Doomed as doomed can be" I'd be a loyal reader!

/threadjack
//slashies

Being single is not so bad, you get to work on your own problems/agenda without having to worry about someone else's. I've been single for almost two years now. I'm not going to say it's the most exciting or fun point to be at, but it does have it's perks. I've always said the right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person. You're not ready till your ready, and when you are it'll be great. Great article Fractal and good luck to all my fellow singulites!

Some people are meant to be single. I got out of a 5 year relationship last year, and the biggest thing I learned from it is that I'm better at being single. There was no fighting, cheating, etc, we just grew apart as a couple. We're still great friends and still confide in each other, but there is no desire on either side to get back together. I'm just the type of person who requires a great deal of privacy and time alone, which doesn't always work for a relationship. I'm sticking with the single life and spending quality time with my cats, which I guess might make me a "crazy cat guy," which really is an apt description when I think about it.

Yep.

As others have said, I think some of us are just destined to be alone. I've pretty much resigned myself to my fate, at this point.

My roommate has been referring to me as a man-whore as of late so I might be a slut by proxy. However, I don't think having sex 3 times this whole year should count. Each time I was trying to form a friends with benefits at least or a relationship, but failed. They all ended up as a 1 or 2 night thing. I guess we all want the same thing in some ways. It is just about being able to pack the emotional/mental/physical baggage into the car for the trip to make it work... Whatever that trip might be.

This column rang so true to me at this point in my life. I totally relate. For me, it may be a cycle or a fear that I've held onto since my first chance at a serious relationship. Thing is, everyone has their own shit to deal with and most people are too judgmental and not detached enough. I realize this and am working on breaking my cycle. Ok...So, what am I suppose to do with that in the meantime??? Feed fucking cats?!?

So true. Only in my case, living in LA especially, I have to deal with superficiality. If people ever get past that, then its my wall that I've put up because I don't want to get hurt again like I did on my last relationship.

Great article. It's nice to know that even though I'm single and haven't been with anyone in over a year, that I'm not alone. Even if it is in a round-about way.

Thanks for this.

The choices I made aren't the right ones if I wanted to still be in said relationship. Your delightful friend probably spent more time dealing with missing the reality of her world rather than the decisions and behavior in his.
I've got enough to agonize over; please stop suggesting my choices weren't right for the time.

You have plenty to offer, Mrs. Crankypants. I'm going to start calling you "The Great Pretender."

The things you do aren't who you are. The trick is to find the person who digs you for the grumpy mornings and closet full of skeletons. Just be you...and feeding cats is cool.

I've had the "Legally.... I'm Still Married" Bomb Drop before. That came Somewhere between the "I'm not 26, I'm 34" bomb(I was 18 at the time) and the "I'm Massage Therapist *Cough*At A Strip Club*Cough*" Bomb

I stuck through it though, but I think it may have been because I felt sorry for her. Finally broke things off when I realized all her problems were her own because she was only satisfied when enough people hated her, when debt was about the drown her, and She would not have the energy to leave her house.

'Cause that's when her prince would come and whisk her away to his castle and she'd never have to work or lift a finger again. After all, a true lady like her shouldn't have to work

Last time I talked to her. She Was a Mermaid at a Car Dealership in Texas

Fuck you Horatio Alger and Disney

Holy Crap. It's like she was carpet bombing you. There were tank plants in Germany during World War II that took less bombs than you.

It didn't really Upset me much. The only problem I had was the whole "Adulter" thing

Grrr.... CCD

Well, at least it makes for a Great Story

You said it brother. I'm with you on that.

See, the "still legally married" thing doesn't affect me much. I was married for on year, i was "legally" married for 4 and a half, since the divorce/custody battle took so long. I didn't date during that time, mostly because i was disgusted with my ex-wife and related her to everyone woman. So still being legally married, wouldn't bother me a whole lot in those type circumstances. Divorces take time and money some people don't have.

Age is relative to people anyway, i am 33 and get told i look like i am 25 all the time. If you're comfortable with the age thing, it's not a big deal.

The "massage therapist *cough* at a strip club *cough*" would intrigue me though. It probably would of been followed by me saying "wait. What?" and then letting her educate me on how things work, and hope that she is being honest with me.

I, myself, am the perpetually single guy in every group of friends I enter. When I meet another hopelessly single person, they inevitable, against all odds, find the love of their life. It would appear as though I'm a good luck charm for everyone around me but I litterally don't meet any single women, myself. Even my roommate, who is a 40 year old dirtball who spent 90% of his free time locked in his room listening to music now has a ladyfriend he's planning to move in with. This is the dude who once cock blocked me with the line "How do you feel about a guy with a good personality but with absolutelyno ambition?" Seriously. This is a phenomena that has baffled and frustrated me for as long as I can recall.

You feel like the cat lady and I feel like the cat with love being the piece of string dangling in front of it. I bat at it and do everything I can to get it and just when I come close, it's yanked away and then dropped back in for the process to start all over again. I've always felt like I'm paying some pennance for a past life and am not allowed to find love. Maybe that's just me trying to come to terms with being perpetually single though.

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and for showing so many people that maybe they're not as alone as they once thought. Hopefully you get the same reassurance from all the feedback.

holy shit. that is quite a line. hahaha

I don't understand the men in your life. How exactly are you not so desirable it's insane? Because you talk about your cat a lot? You don't have a super high opinion of the rest of humanity? I log on to see if your blog is updated almost everyday. I've seen you naked many many many times. I truly do not understand this at all. You in all honesty seem as close to perfection as one could reasonably get. I admit I'm not anywhere in your league but I still manage to mantain reasonably high standards and I'm honestly not saying any of this to hit on you.