SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED HERE

Okay bear with me.

First of all hello, I am sorta new here.

The advice.

I have known this girl since about January. She is the most amazing, cute, honest, funny, challenging, incredible girl I have ever met. However, as do most of the girls I am attracted to (ie, cute girls who sway slightly from the norm) she has a whole ton of issues.

Mom died from her birth, Dad abandoned her to Mom's wealthy family who sent her off to schools and did not put one iotta of effort into raising her. She has always been "homeless", and has never stayed in one place for more then a year since leaving the nest. In her last city of residence she was dating a guy who got her pregnant and then beat the living shit out of her. She did end up getting an abortion. She is not an chronically abused girl. This is the only guy who has ever done this to her.

Since I first met her I can't stop thinking about her. Since the abusive boy as far as guys go she has friends and then she has guys she fucks around with and very rare do the two meet and when they do the results are usually disasterous. She tried to take our relationship to the fucking around territory one night and I didn't go for it and from there are relationship kinda dissolved. It has been rekindled again and while we are both intrested in each other I do not just want to be her fuck buddy and she does not want to be in a relationship. I have vowed to be her friend and do my own thing and allow her to do hers and hope she comes around. Sometimes the chemistry and connection between us is so strong it is unbearable. But she has already told me that if I try to take it to a different level she will run away.

Is what I am doing the right thing to do? Being her friend until maybe she wants to be loved and give love again? It's not like I am pining for her, I still have as much fun as I can. I just don't want to actually be comited and in a relationship with anyone but her. She has professed the same to friends of mine. Any ideas anyone?

[Edited on Oct 15, 2003 by numberone]

Unfortunately we share about 20 of the same very good friends and both hang out at the only three decent places to go in the city. "In a town so small"

I would have to pretty much cut all my friends off, and that is how the whole summer was. I can handle not being in a relationship with her and just being her friend. We have all the things you have from a relationship except the physical. All the way down to the cuddling, which to me is the best damn part anyways. Everyonce in a while I get jealous though when every few weeks she gets a little horny and it ain't me she goes home with. I don't want to ever let her see that side of me.

I think SHE should sever contact with him! Like TODAY. That's probably like the harshest thing I've ever said on any of the boards. But anyone that woulda air that much dirty laundry to complete strangers about someone they are suppose to LOVE makes me kinda sad. Don't get me wrong. I'm completely all about being OPEN and Honest but thats going a bit overboard- thats totally her private shit about getting fucking beat and having fucking abortions. *sigh* I'm totally new here too but this kinda made me a bit ill. I'm sure YOU are a totally great guy.
But if my man ever fucking said anything about me in a derogatory way without my knowledge and then I found about about it......
......I'd be fucking seriously sad.
My stomach hurts now. Seriously.

[Edited on Oct 15, 2003 by ElleBelle]

Love and Light to you- I hope it works out.

So say it works out between them- is he gonna like tell her where he got his great advice? Are any of those 20 of their mutual friends on this site?
Yeah- I think he will ignore it too.

[Edited on Oct 15, 2003 by ElleBelle]

A trickyone to be sure.
I can understand you wanting to either be just friends or in a relationship and not fuck-buddies. I think the real issue is if you can handle just being friends. If she's said that any attempts at a relationship will push her away, you pretty much have to accept that it just won't happen, and friendship might be the only alternative. If on the other hand you can't accept just friendship with her, that, my friend, is when you could have a problem.
I hope it works out.
Spike

Cool thanks. I just wanted to see if anyone could shed some light on something that maybe I wasn't seeing. Oh and if any of my 20 friends who might happen to be on this board see this thread they will know that good old number one from "I'm lost" just happens to be on the sauce again and is just talking crazy.

Hey people, I hope you don't mind me joining in on your conversation but I once was in the same situation as him....well kinda without all the terrible stuff about the girl but anyway I really liked this girl and she only saw me as a great friend and didn't want the relationship side of it there and then, so my suggestion is too you mate.....move on and just be friends with her as there are plenty more fish in the sea so too speak.

And before you say it my love was only for the girl I really liked and yeah it did take a while for me to get over her but I did.

Oh and I'm newish too

Oh and one more thing, its better to know her as a friend than not at all!!

Bless your heart. I was just reading your journal to see how old you are. I didn't realize you were thirty. Sorry about getting so abbrassive. I really do hope things work out the way they are meant to.
Welcome to SG and I'm so sorry. I get defensive about shit like that.

Yeah and I really do have to distance myself because she really needs to stop telling people I know and myself how much I mean to her and how she would be with me if she could but she is scared to death to be in a relationship and terrified to fall in love. Yep, love sucks a big old cock.