Demogorgon can lick my dick of sharpness +3

Hi all, Mac here. Just a little rant honoring my childhood. Otherwise known as "Advanced Doungouns and Dragons tranning time for a boy with no life, friends and a lot of imagination, which really is just an excuse for not having the first two."

In my quest to sucure a castle of my very clerics own. Or find the last gem of the lost city of Dg8dbj9e%jnf$jbnkj#'zar. Or to have sex with as many girls with a CHR of 1 eighteen, I could, I would from time to time run into a little problem.

Now tyhier were advasaries in this role playing game to be sure, after all that was the point really. But for somereason everytime I entered a 25' by 45' room with "a craven alter of foulness" Demogorgon would show up and reduce my 1st level or 1453th level character to ashes, a bit of cloth and a pair of Boots, high, hard.

Always. It was like demogorgon in his little portrait of the Monster Manuel, with his snakey arms and his Baboon/dog head was taunting me. If I rolled aginst the mighty demon prince, my 20 sided dork, I mean die woild invariably score me a 1. My character would miss, break his Holy avenger +2 on a rock, have the shards hit with demogorgons foul breath effectivly shanging thier aligenment to "Caothic evil, bounce back and hit my Paladin in the face for 84928849328 points of double damage.

I could almost hear his brguiling voice calling to me in my sleep, "Scot of Greyhawk, pick up the deck of many things and oick a card! THIS time you'll be lucky!" And I would awake with the Ace of Spades in my hand, my bed wet screaming.

I can no longer play the game I loved so much as a child, and I have Demogorgon to thank. For whatever character I roull up, I know that somewhere down the line "Billy the halfling fighter/thief/janitor will open some sack of the planes and out will pop Demogorgon and rape my little hero with a razor tipped phalaice of Mordikinds eternal suffering all while smilling his knowing smile that onece again, the demon prince is receving 28EXP's for kicking the ass of a Scott McShane.


I don't like that fat fuck Orcus either.

Macnosave

Why is Demogorgon such a fucking asshole?

That hurt my eyes to read. And the phrase "Boots, high, hard" brings back geek memories like 3 almost random words never should. PHB 2E, if I'm not mistaken.

And is Mac drunk? Your rants are usually spelled better, and have better grammar. Or have I just not been paying attention?

i laugh

i cry.

yeah....Demogorgon sucks ass. Fuck him.
-J

Uhhh. i was typing in the dark.... Sorry.


Maccrap

Oh. I understand.

Maybe you just never learned to work the system correctly? It goes like this: a system is inherently flawed. Once you learn the rules you can usually spot all the loopholes and work that shit so die rolls ultimately mean very little.

And, the high hard ones were always the best, weren't they?

Also, what the heck is a demi-liche and how is different from a liche proper?

Gary Gygax: the original Geek Champion.

Pucabul: doing his best to carry on the tradition.

See a demi-lich is a lich that is so old that most of its body has rotted away. So it will be a really powerful floating skull or hand or somesuch.

Coliwali said:

See a demi-lich is a lich that is so old that most of its body has rotted away. So it will be a really powerful floating skull or hand or somesuch.

Really? I thought that a liche was defined as having nothing corporeal beyond the skull... I gotta get me a Monster Manual. You never know, it might even help me write this damned book.

Mac your problem was that you never had the requisite 50' rope and iron spikes that you were supposed to have.

Dude, You should learn 'run-like-fuck-fu". It's the ultimate survival martial art. It's only, like, two Weapon proficiency points.

fuck man, I just barely got away from a freakin beholder! I stabbed that jerk right in his eye with my Vorpal sword! Good thing I am a Paladin!