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Cigarette

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH
April 2004

MAR 31, 2008 07:43 AM

http://money.cnn.com/2008/03/31/news/economy/copes/index.htm?eref=onion

Kent and Mysti Cope met and fell in love working for one of the nation's top subprime lenders. Now, their life has been turned upside down after the sudden implosion of the subprime mortgage industry.

...

Today, they're trying to get by on his unemployment benefits of about $450 a week, which covers only about an eighth of the basic payments they owe every month.

Their home equity line, mortgage, health and life insurance premiums alone cost about $10,000 a month. Still, they are trying to hang onto what they call their dream home with a view of the Pacific Ocean where they live with Mysti's 11-year old son.



I would be living in a great apartment and setting aside a little every month with $450.

Despite their financial problems, the Copes have worked hard to protect their credit rating, staying current on bills. And they've made cutbacks: trading in Kent's Corvette for a Suburban and getting rid of the gardener, for example. But the couple also has learned that it didn't need everything it used to spend money on.

"We used to eat out a lot. Now we are the leftover king and queen," said Kent.


The gardener?! Not the gardener! Could God be that cruel?

I'm willing to bet that the gardener is now facing tougher time than the Eddie Bauer poster family here.

Mysti is trying to build an online business selling jewelry and beachwear, some of which she designs herself.


A perfectly reasonable way to save one's beachfront property.

For Mysti, 37, all her efforts to find work since she lost her job last May have been futile.


I'll tell her something she's probably told dozens of homeless men on the streets: "I hear McDonald's is hiring."

She said she believes the attention given to subprime borrowers who have run into trouble paying their mortgages work against her and other former colleagues. It's almost like having "Enron" on your resume.

"The media has somewhat tarnished the subprime industry and all the employees, and portrayed them as being dishonest," she said. "We're not dishonest. Not everybody was a bad borrower. Not every company was a bad lender."



Sure, lending to people who probably can't afford it is a perfectly cromulent profession.

Asshole.

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

MAR 31, 2008 09:15 AM

unfiltrator

unfiltrator

San Francisco, CA
April 2004

MAR 31, 2008 09:37 AM

adjunct

adjunct

Philadelphia, PA
July 2002

MAR 31, 2008 09:37 AM


And they've made cutbacks: trading in Kent's Corvette for a Suburban


They traded in a Corvette for an SUV that gets 15 mpg.

Cash

Cash

I'm lost
OLD SKOOL

MAR 31, 2008 10:05 AM



We've had to switch from Dom Perignon to Crystal, for fuck's sake. Just the other day, I saw my personal shopper buying Goulden's Spicy Brown instead of Grey Poupon. I had to trade in my $60,000 Corvette for a $50,000 Suburban...only to have my friends at the private country club tease me. What kind of a God would allow pain like this?




Cash

Cash

I'm lost
OLD SKOOL

MAR 31, 2008 10:08 AM

Here's ol' Kent & Misti...my God, do they sell WASP kits now?


*Edit to say...oh my God...if you read the entire article...you will hate them even more. Jesus Christ on Crutches....can they be any more delusional & shallow?

adjunct

adjunct

Philadelphia, PA
July 2002

MAR 31, 2008 12:31 PM

Mysti is trying to build an online business selling jewelry and beachwear, some of which she designs herself.


I skipped this part earlier. I assume this jewelry is actually cheap nickel-plated shit that will turn your skin green a few days later, or maybe it's made out of recycled depleted uranium casings, or some other thing that will totally stab you in the back a year or two later and set off a wave of mall kiosks dumping all their cheap jewelry in a mass panic only to find that nobody wants to buy cubic zirconium from Jewelry Hut? More shitty jewelry made by a mindless trophy wife coming to an etsy.com near you.

Cash

Cash

I'm lost
OLD SKOOL

MAR 31, 2008 01:09 PM

How much do you want to bet that Mysti told ol' Kent "If we move out of this house...I stop touching your wrinkled old cock"

Cigarette

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH
April 2004

MAR 31, 2008 04:33 PM

Also... "Mysti"? Really?

adjunct

adjunct

Philadelphia, PA
July 2002

MAR 31, 2008 05:02 PM

Cigarette said:
Also... "Mysti"? Really?


You don't want to apply for a mortgage for your new trophy house with a broker named Mysti? Why not?

mamet

mamet

Charleston, SC
March 2005

MAR 31, 2008 05:14 PM

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

Charleston, SC
August 2004

MAR 31, 2008 07:02 PM

mamet said:



thank you

lackofcreativity

lackofcreativity

Dayton, OH
February 2008

MAR 31, 2008 07:11 PM

Life is hard. Misti and Kent will be in my prayers. I can only hope that they are able to re-hire their gardner and wont have to suffer the indignity of doing their own yard work.

Ahhh to be part of the leisure class.

But really, if that necklace in the picture what Mrs. Cope is "creating" then she will have some serious competition coming from the local pre-school.

http://stores.ebay.com/Mysti-Beachwear <-- Check it


Cash

Cash

I'm lost
OLD SKOOL

MAR 31, 2008 07:18 PM

_DictionaryGirl_

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

MAR 31, 2008 07:31 PM

Jesus fuck, I work full time and don't make $450 a week. blackeyed

Time to break out the rotini and craft paint?

Wren

Wren

SUICIDEGIRL

Minnesota, USA

MAR 31, 2008 07:31 PM

Mmmm, that's good schadenfreude.

Cash

Cash

I'm lost
OLD SKOOL

MAR 31, 2008 07:42 PM

Wren said:
Mmmm, that's good schadenfreude.



obviously...you're not a golfer.

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

Charleston, SC
August 2004

MAR 31, 2008 07:47 PM

wait, wait, wait. you mean to tell me that i earn more than mysti and kent? rock on! time to get me a gardener and a corvette! suck it, subprimers!

jermhawk

jermhawk

Tidioute, PA
December 2004

MAR 31, 2008 08:57 PM

Its good to know not one cent of my paycheck went to them! puke

magpieboy

magpieboy

Seattle, WA
June 2004

MAR 31, 2008 09:15 PM

jermhawk said:
Its good to know not one cent of my paycheck went to them! puke



No, they'll get their $300 rebate just like everyone, assuming they earned some money this year.

DevilsReject

DevilsReject

Cleveland, OH
February 2007

MAR 31, 2008 09:27 PM

i feel bad.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

for the gardener.

adjunct

adjunct

Philadelphia, PA
July 2002

MAR 31, 2008 09:47 PM

DevilsReject said:
i feel bad.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

for the gardener.


Think about that Chevy sales person with a fucking 'vette they're trying to unload now.