NEWS: Abandon All Hope: Fatalist Love

Not even close. Thanks for playing. Anyway, if you're already a happy guy, don't listen to my advice. And if you're not a happy guy, why are you wasting time criticizing my advice? If you don't think it's good advice, don't follow it. It's worth what you paid for it.

So, uhm..do you like the outfit I'm wearing today?

PS Can I have that thing I left in your purse the other day?

Good points, but the overture was a little random. I tried the nice guy act, and all it got me was a bunch of ladies that wanted a shoulder to cry on, when their assholes fucked them over. Tough shit!!! Some, fellas actually go to bed feeling the same way, alone, no one to talk about their day with, and seriously no excitement that special someone can surprise you with. I think its a lot about respect, and the one thing the assholes do have. Nice guys are usually viewed a little psychotic by most women, but most of all as weak. Not that I'm trying to disagree with you again. It was a good article and actually provided some insight to me too. Single after so long, and trying to pick up the pace is a chore.

Keep it up, though. You are doing just fine.

LOL!!!
thanx for turning my post into a haiku!
i dun't write them anymore
i won a haiku contest for japan airlines
when i was in 6th grade
and i went to japan!
i learned there isn't a rule
when writing haiku
it just has to be short and a train of thought
usually about nature
when they introduced it to the white man
they set up system of 5 7 5
so there can be at least some kind of standard
rules are ment to be bended, shaped; broken
so yeah write some haikus...
that'll get you a nice guy.
haiku is fun! MEOW!

I always thought that for the most part,the nice guy was not the one most women wanted.They say that but are always drawn to the ones who use them,treat hem like shit..etc. Maybe you have to go through a series of the bad guys before you realize its the nice guy you want.However you are likely to get bored of him and go back to the one who you can possibly change.This is obviously not a verified fact ,just scenarios I see in friends of mine.

Heh thats a good way of putting it.Their problem( as is my case) is that they respect you to much to hit on you,and have difficulty in expressing their desire for you.

I think the "nice guy" / "asshole" distinction is an apples and oranges thing when it comes to romance. "Nice guy" is a set of behaviors and beliefs that some men try on, out of a belief that this is something that women are looking for and somehow cannot find. Not that there are not men who are gentle, kind, considerate, etc - of course there are. But employing and emphasizing these properties in the arena of dating is most often a strategy which is tried out for effect, not simply a property of the person; dating is so artificial that everyone tries to be something a little better than they are while doing it.

"Asshole" is a set of behaviors and beliefs that some people hold on a deeper level, and express in public or private relationships at varying levels depending on a. how attractive they are (and therefore what they can get away with) b. how angry they are c. whether they hang out with other assholes and feel the need to compete in the biggest asshole contest and d. whether they are involved with people who have low enough self-esteem that assholeness is a plus in their relationship. While these last two might be argued to be more superficial behaviors adopted for effect, on a similar level to "nice guyness", I submit that if you are the kind of person who is willing to treat someone like an asshole because that is what that other person craves, or because it will gain you status among your friends, you are already an asshole.

What this means is, of course, that one can both be an asshole in relationships while simultaneously trying to be a nice guy. In fact, trying and failing at being a nice guy can, over time, encourage you to be an asshole. Many men who try to be nice guys start out using that approach because they don't have the looks or personal charisma to get what they want out of relationships just by being an asshole. However, this strategy often fails, for myriad reasons - many women aren't interested in the cookie cutter "nice guy", or they keep them in their back pocket of known marriage prospects to be cashed in at some later date. For their part, the "nice guys" may be too concerned with saying and doing the "appropriate nice guy thing" to participate effectively as themselves in the relationship, or they may conflate kindness with being a grovelling doormat, neither of which are particularly good relationship strategies.

These failures can result in anger and frustration for "nice guys", who have trouble expressing that because it isn't "nice" and would involve breaking character. They therefore build up a personal reservoir of resentment and assholeness which may unleash itself on any woman that they actually do succeed with. This is the story of me for the lion's share of the first decade of my romantic life, and I've seen it in a lot of other cases as well, on both the perpetrating and receiving end.

Of course, it always sucks when anyone takes revenge on a person who never harmed them. But that's something that almost everyone has done at one time or another, whether they are willing to cop to it or not. Whether a relationship proceeds in a better direction after these issues arise and are seen for what they are depends on circumstances beyond easy understanding, with at least significant portions of security, maturity, and dumb luck involved.

Or, rather, isn't an apples and oranges distinction, he meant to say.

There is so much in that post with which I vehemently disagree, to put it mildly, that I'm not sure I have the energy both to address that with which I disagree and to then keep my address concise and worth reading. I shall thusly limit myself, for the moment, to pointing out the following:

According to the vast majority of understandings of both the explicit text of the books of the New Testament and the various generally accepted related interpretations/writings/etc. thereof, Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. She was a total outcast of respectable mainstream society, because she was a whore. She got fucked for a living and was therefore dirty and tainted and stained and untouchable and lower than dirt. That's precisely why it was so notable that Jesus was willing even to speak to her, much less respect her enough to spend time with her/let her spend time with him. It would seem to me, in light of that, that your ever-so-insightful "Mary Magdalene/Jenna Jameson" dichotomy falls flat on its whiny, "victimized," woman-blaming ass.

Do some Bible learnin' before you start trotting out various Judeo-Christian portrayals of womanhood and femininity to support your crankiness at chicks; if you're really going to attempt that, you've at least got to pick the right characters. If nothing else, the Catholic girls will know enough to call you the fuck out on it.

LOL!!! thanx for turning
my post into a haiku!
i dun't write them a-

nymore i won a haiku
contest for japan airlines
when i was in 6th

grade and i went to
japan! i learned there isn't
a rule when writing

haiku it just has
to be short and a train
of thought usually

about nature when
they introduced it to the
white man they set up

system of 5
7 5 so there can be at least
some kind of standard

rules are ment to be
bended, shaped; broken so yeah
write some haikus...that-

'll get you a nice
guy. haiku is fun! MEOW!

-------------------------------------------------
I know that 5-7-5 isn't an ironclad rule.

But, yes, I need a rule to pick apart your otherwise rambling posts and make them somehow a little more coherent.

So you flip from being submissive with a side of passive-aggressive, all the way to the other end, namely, aggressive and obnoxious?

That's kind of how that reads, you know.

Jeepers, I wasn't even raised religious, and even I know (or at least think I do) that there were two significant Biblical Marys -- the "virtuous" Mother Mary and the "fallen" Mary Magdalene who Jesus hung out with.

Sheesh.

Everyone else is weighing in with their 2 bits, here's mine:

Fractal, going "hunting" for love is like going hunting for Snipe - anything you eventually bring home a) won't be near what you expected, and b) will probably cost you lots of money and/or carry a disease. Love is a very Zen concept - the more you look for it, the harder your search will become, until one day you turn a random corner and there it is, your chance at love. I called it a chance because that's what it is. You won't find someone and have a Romeo & Juliet love torrent and live happily ever after. You'll have to work your ass off to make it work, deal with the fact that it won't be the fairytale you've heard, and at the end of the day, that still might not be enough.

You like keeping dead things in jars? Good for you, keep at it. Changing who you are because you think it will make you seem more datable is lying about yourself, plain and simple. Be happy with who you are and what you like. If the other person can't deal with it, then it probably wouldn't have worked anyways. Now, this doesn't mean you have to bust out the dead thing jars the second time he comes to your place. That's a personality quirk, not a deal-breaker - let him discover it in due time. Kinda like what your favorite position is - you don't need to let that info slip until he actually needs to know.

Whatever you do, don't settle for something less; that's for people who will be seen on Jerry Springer or COPS. "I know he beats me and spends our welfare check on Budweiser, but I still love him" Wait for someone you can actually make it work with. The best things in life take patience and work - love is no different. Would you rather be single and fairly content or with someone and miserable?

And what's wrong with being single? If dating and potential relationships are wracking your brain this badly, then you're not ready to jump into one again IMO. Put down the selfhelp book and get a new hobby, maybe get back into one you've given up. Take the time to work on yourself (not saying you're a project, but self-reflection is always a good thing) before trying to tie yourself in with another person. The advice to "Learn what you truly want" is spot on. Take time with yourself, cut out the dating crap, and figure out who you really are and what it is you're really looking for.

As for "The One" idea, whatever. Another piece of fantasy people construct to help them make sense of life. There is no "one" magic person out there that will be perfect for you in every way and you just need to find him. In reality, there's a group of people around that you can be happy with. Hell, a one of them will work with you so well that eventually both of you will change and adapt to become near-perfect compliments to each other. That's the closest there is to "the one"

To summarize, quit thinking about finding someone or going around looking for them. Take that time to invest in yourself so that when someone wonderful makes an appearance, you're in a condition to act on it and work with them to build something great. I can't promise that it will work, or how long it will last, but I can promise that, no matter the outcome, you'll be a better person for it and live better than if you had gone with the first choice that presented itself.

Now, as for all this "nice guy" talk...

*Cracks knuckles*

Every woman who has ever said she wants to meet and settle down with a "nice guy" is a liar. Yeah, that's right, I said it. The "nice guy" ideal ranks up there with "I just want a man with a sense of humor, who can make me laugh." If that's true, then why do girls fling their bras at Rock & Roll bad boys but stand-up comics never get so much as a number (I speak from experience on this)? Women want the "nice guy" as their platonic doormat - someone they can talk to for the male perspective, skim some emotional support from, and trust to never turn their back or give them massive amounts of criticism. The reason is simple - "nice guys" are one dimensional. They offer a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, but no challenge, no mystery. They cave to every request and never assert their own opinions.

Any guy who describes himself as a "nice guy" is either a liar or someone who is going to be a major project. Every "nice guy" I know has as much experience with relationships as I do with particle physics. They think the way to keep a girl happy is to do whatever she asks and ask for nothing in return. A "nice guy" is a caricature of a real person.

Real relationships can only be built with real people. People who have wants, desires, likes, dislikes, etc. There's nothing wrong with your partner being nice; when they're a push-over, though, there's no real passion. To the girls who are with "nice guys" answer me this - Does he ever push back? Have his own opinion? Assert himself? If you said yes, congratulations, you're with a real person, not a "nice guy."

*Checks his new blog entry*

Wow, looks like I was in one of those moods tonight. I should probably get to bed at some point before I say even more things I shouldn't.