Things you should know before you go into a...

Holy Cristmas! I was laughing at the following until I saw it in my head. People actually do this shit;

7.) The purpose of the Children's section is to store the Children's books that we are trying to sell. It isn't fucking daycare. If I see you walk into the store with a kid, and walk out of the store without that kid, I'm calling the police. I'm going to embarrass you. You deserve the embarrassment

Some of these are cracking me up.

You bookstore types would LOVE me. I bring in the actual ISBN number. I thought an employee was going to kiss me for doing that a while ago.

I worked in a library, and it was JUST like the bookstore... kids running all over the children's area, people not knowing anything about the book, all the Oprah questions, etc. It was nervewracking.

Out of curiosity, do you know why this is? I'm trying to figure it out. Is it because we tend to have longer legs and shorter torsos, or the breasts get in the way, or what?

Enlighten me, please. I didn't know girls couldn't grip because I've never tried. I'd fall on my face.

About eating in a restaurant:

1. This is very important, so listen up: TREAT YOUR WAITER/WAITRESS WITH RESPECT! This means don't snap at me, don't whistle at me to get my attention, and say hello to me when I greet you instead of immediately launching into your order. You will get your food and drinks quicker, your meal will be more enjoyable, and I will make you look like the man in front of your girlfriend if you are nice to me. I am not stupid. Maybe I'm working to put myself through school, perhaps even for a graduate degree. And remember, I have access to what you put in your mouth while you're not looking. It happens very, very infrequently, and only to really horrible people, but I can and will ensure something really nasty happens to your food if you truly deserve it.

2. Decide what you want to eat before you tell me you're ready to order. I'm very busy, and I don't have time to stand around and wait for you all to decide what you're eating. I have absolutely no problem coming back to your table in a few minutes if you want more time, but makes me slower on the waitfloor, which makes my tips smaller, if you make me sit there twiddling my thumbs while you hem and haw about what you want for dinner.

3. Don't tell me you don't like your meal after you've already eaten it. If you take two bites and want to send it back, I will be more than happy to try to fix whatever problem you're having. But if you tell me it wasn't very good after you've licked your plate clean, then I can't fix the problem, you will have to pay for it, and you look like a complete bitch in my eyes.

4. Remember that I have no control over how fast the kitchen cooks your food. I also can't guarantee that the steak you ordered medium rare will, in fact, arrive at your table cooked medium rare.

5. If you ask me for recommendations be prepared not to like what I recommend. I personally love sauteed tofu in a green olive puree, but that definitely does not mean that you will. Also, don't ever tell me that you will blame me if you don't like what i recommend, even if you're joking, because then I just won't give a shit if you're happy, and I'll ignore you.

6. Tips. Leave a tip. Make sure it's at least 15%, unless there was a really serious problem with your meal (i.e. I told you that you're fat, or your mother got salmonella and died right there at the table). Don't round down when you're calculating the 15% tip. Good service deserves 20%. Keep in mind that my boss pays me $3.18 an hour to deal with you fuckwits, and there have been more than a few nights when I've gone to bed hungry because one or two people with large bills decided to tip me poorly. If you order more than two rounds of drinks, or force me to make multiple trips to your table for one single item, then you must tip me more than 15%. If every table I have leaves me one extra dollar, then I can pay my student loans off three years early. I have no problem if you drink water and order the cheapest meal on the menu, but you really must figure at least a 15% tip into the price of your meal.


Thank you for your time.

You sound like my district manager now... lol

I think he was talking about the people who come in with zero intent on making a purchase yet want to literally look/hold/etc every item in the store.

I love this thread, however the more I read, these things can all be broken down into simple repect and common courtesy. I think it would be just as easy to say that we all wish customers would remember how people treat them at their jobs and then try to act the way they would like their customers to act.
Then again some of them are losers, don't work, and have no concept of reality, so we can bitch all we want...

edited because....im retarded and don't know what I am doing....sorry for the inconvenience....

[Edited on Oct 08, 2003 by TheHaunted]

By "grip" I thought he meant that move where you tip the skateboard up and grab/grip it to do a stunt.

yay! this thread is fun!

My rules for customers in my Fine Wine Shop

1) It is customary to say hello when you walk in the door. Particularly when i greet you. Ignoring me completely is just plain rude.

2) Please don't assume that because a) i'm young, and b) i have spikey hair and tattoos, that i don't know anything about wine. I've done courses, and diplomas and so much shit you wouldn't believe. This does not, however mean that I have tried that particluar bottle of £95 wine. I'm on minimum wage here, my friend.

3) No. We don't have any wines for less than a fiver. go to the supermarket if you want cheap shit to rot you liver.

4) Yes, i can order you a case of kristal, or dom perignon, or whatever, but don't get shirty when i ask for a deposit. i don't want to order £1000 worth of wine, and then have you decide you don't want it after all. Surely, you with your black american express, can afford a 10% deposit? come on?

5) Your wealth does not impress me.

6) How can i stand to listen to that music? / Do I really think that music is suitable for this shop? Well. frankly, fuck off.

7) If i've just spent 10 minutes on the phone, trying to find the last bottle of some `945 vintage wine for you, but had no luck, the least you can do is say thanks for trying. not go into some massive hissy fit about how "oh but it's his birthday tomorrow, and yadda yadda yadda" Shouldn't have left it so damn late.

8) Finally, Yes, you're right, It is hot in here / cold / nasty weather / we're low on stock / any other obvious thing. I know, you know, the last 20 people knew. so try and make some conversation that is not so banal and predictable.

Man. us retail monkeys sure like to bitch!

J

When I worked in retail, I always hated when people would see there are obviously none of the item they want on the shelf, the famous question, "could you check in the back?" what is this "back" why can't we say warehouse. And there is not a magical fairy that will make stock materialize. why do you have to make me check when I said there are no more? bitch..

Tips for DOING YOUR BANKING

1. The most important thing you can EVER EVER DO is to log EVERY and I mean EVERY transaction in your check register along with a running balance. If you come in bitching about overdraft fees and tell me, "Oh I don't have my check register" my mind is made up that you fucked up your own account and do not deserve a refund.
2. Your check is not made of gold. It is not drawn on the Bank Of Christ. Even if it was, I'm sure it would still be subject to return. EVERY SINGLE check is eligible to be returned and that is why there are holds put on them. When depositing or cashing a check remember that it will be available in AT LEAST two business days, sometimes as many as five. Don't deposit a check and then come in the day asking why all the checks you wrote to your credit cards bounced.
3. There is also a reason why we ask you for ID. You may have been banking at this branch for thirty years (but probably not) but I have only been here for a month. Unless you want everyone and their grandmother to be able to take YOUR money from your account, produce your ID graciously.
4. Please have your paperwork (deposit slips, withdraw slips, checks, etc) filled out PRIOR to coming to the teller window, this includes your account number. If you can't remember it, write it down and keep it with you at all times. The reason you had to wait in line so long is because you're the third jackass in a row to come up to the window with a blank deposit slip and no account number.
5. Ask questions about your account and check your balance often. Keep in touch with the people at your bank and you'll be able to avoid the fees that you're getting and probably earn more interest. Don't come in two months later and bitch about all the fees you've gotten.
6. READ the things that come in the mail. It's about YOUR MONEY! It's IMPORTANT! READ IT!!! The little notes at the end of your statement are explaining the things that you ask about a month later.

And as with ALL jobs, treat people with respect. They're the ones who will FIX your problem, even though they themselves did not create it. Be gracious to them and you will find that the path to happiness will be a clearer one.

Customers suck. That's all there is to it. I worked in retail for 3 years, and I swear I never will again. A few quick Video Store tips before I go to bed...

1. If you have an outstanding fee, pay it. Either you kept something late and owe the money, or someone took pity on you and let you take it without paying. That shit will NOT happen twice in a row...
2. If you come into the shop within 5 minutes of closing, get something and FUCK OFF!!! It has been a long day, and the people just want to go home. If they have to lock the door and you're still inside, then the computer will mysteriously "shut down automatically" at closing.
3. Don't you DARE bring back a video, claim it doesn't work and then get the ass because it works fine in the shop video and no one wants to give you a refund. Don't be such a tightwad, you're not impressing anyone. If you don't like the film, tough. That's why you rented it rather than brought it. If you HAD have had the decency to buy it, then no one would really care if you want to swap it for something else "incase the batch is faulty".
4. MANAGE YOUR GODDAMN CHILDREN OR LEAVE THEM IN THE CAR.
5. No matter how much money you spend or come into the shop, don't think you get any preferential treatment.

As you can tell, I hated working in retail, the people it made me deal with, and the amount of shit I had do deal with.

The only decent customers are those who work retail themselves, because they know what it's like. Sadly, most of the time, they're busy working themselves.

Spike

First retail stores.

1. I cannot change the price on anything. It was put in the wrong place by some jackass who didn't feel like walking 30 feet to put it where it belongs. Same thing with stickers. The name of the item pops up for a reason, so don't try to scam me.

2. Please don't open boxes and pull the shit out. I don't know how they managed to get the shit in the box at the factory but i can't get it back in. Usually we will have displays of items, look at those.

3. I cannot break 100 dollar bills when i open up. Sorry i have mostly 1's and 5's in my drawer. Dont sign dont bitch me out dont throw shit at me. Its not my fault you cant ask the bank for smaller bills.

4. After 8 hours during the christmas season in a store with 22 lines back into the fucking isles, dont complain that im moving too slow. I can move slower. My feet hurt, im tired of crying children, people on cell phones, bitching, scamming, stealing, i wanna go home and get drunk not bag your shit 'super fast'

Now for a hotel

1. First, learn to shit. I don't know HOW they do it, but people shit on the wall. This is a no no. I have to scrub it off. Dont shit on the toilet seat, its pretty fuckin easy to aim your ass over the big hole.

2. Groaning and moaning when you are shitting is pretty wierd i think. It's not sex, its shitting.

3. Flush the toilet twice, really it helps with the smell and making sure everything goes down.

4. FOR GODS SAKE MAKE SURE YOU FLUSH IT AT LEAST FUCKING ONCE. I dont wanna see the massive 'log' you just 'dropped' I want to spend as little time as i can with my head near a toilet. This goes with urinals too.

5. Wash your god damn hands you sick fucks.

6. If i wash a mirror please do not flick your hands on it. Seriously thats obnoxious. Its rude. Its really mean. I have access to where you sleep 99% of the time, dont fuck with me.

7. If I'm washing a toilet, do you THINK i have anything to do with the food/front desk/security. Ill be more than glad to show you where they are, call them for you, but i cant make your problems go away like they can.

8. Say a nice thing when im scrubbing something down. Really i do want the place to be clean, cuz if i gotta use a public bathroom id like it to be clean. A simple 'thank you' or 'you are doin a good job' goes a long way, even if you are bullshiting me.

9. I cannot unlock the door for you. Yes i do have a master key but if i unlock it i lose my job. I have to call the expaditor (lady at the housekeeping desk) and she will send security up. If you'd like i can stay with you until they get there. You will need your ID.

10. I have to smile at you, I have to try to great you somehow. The least you can do is give nod of the head, a hello, a goodmorning, even a twitch of the eye to tell me you recognize my effort to make your stay better.

11. Don't piss on my floor. I don't care to see your cock, and i dont think most othe guests do, so please stand closer when pissing.

12. Tip a few bucks. Even 1 dollar, when i bring something to your room, shows that you appreciate fast delivery. If you really cant afford it smile and say thank you, wish me a nice day, but really if you cant tip dont go stay at a hotel.

13. Dont steal our shit. Our ashtrays our glasses our cups are blank for a reason, so that people dont steal. Really is it hard to leave something in a hotel room? Spend 10 bucks at k mart and get about the same quality. If everyone stole blankets, sheets, towels, it would make costs jump way too much and i could lose my job. This is a very uncool thing to do seriously.

14. Tip room attendants (i am not that person). They clean your room while you stay there. They deserve compensation for acting like your mom when you were 10.

15. Take 2 minutes and fill out the comment card, and write good things. This gets us raises and extra bonuses and it will make us happier, and your stay better.

16. Dont shove an entire role of toilet paper in the toilet, i have to reach in and get it out, its not funny, nor is it cool.

17. if you spill something, let someone know. We dont expect you to clean it up, but its better for everyone if we know about it as soon as it happens. It wont get sticky or stain, wont track all over the floor, and people wont get hurt because of it.

18. Try to hit the reset button on the outlet or the blowdryer. I really dont like going up 12 floors and down the entire hallway to knock on your door, listening to you bitch about our shoddy items, to hit the fucking reset button and make the god damned thing work.

19. If you want something ask, please just dont take it off of our carts/out of our store rooms, a lot of that shit we are accountable for.

20. and since this is really long ill stop here with: be nice to the people that server you, greet you, clean up after you, ring your shit through, make your day go smoother, bring you shit, and do their best to help you out. I do not have an attitude so please dont have one with me. You are not better because i clean up your shit, because I KNOW how to shit properly. I could tell everyone in the hotel the weird noises you make and that you shit on walls. I won't do it. Your noises will stay between us. So how bout some courtesy?

You know, I would LOVE if every business put a sign just like that on the front door.

Re: people who bitch about having ID checked -- I don't get this. I get so upset when a clerk doesn't ask for my ID after I've written "CHECK ID" on the signature line of my credit card. They'll even LOOK at the phrase and not ask for my ID.

When people whined at me, I'd say, "You know, if I didn't ask for this and someone had stolen your checkbook, you'd be really upset that I didn't check to make sure they were the person writing the check. I'm just trying to keep your money safe."

Fuckers.

Boo hoo! My customers (the people who give me money) make my life harder than I'd like! And they don't always add 20% percent to what they agreed they'd pay me!

THERE'S NO FUCKING 'X' IN 'ESPRESSO'!

And what Starbucks calls a macchiatto? It's a vanilla latte with whipped cream. If that's what you want, ask for that. If you ask for a macchiatto, we will make you what is actually a macchiatto: espresso with a dab of foamed milk on top.

That is all.

Okay... that's funny... I proofread Starbucks evaluations for a living, so I deal with the "espresso" and "cappuccino" misspellings all the time.

This is really fun to read because it is both informative and funny [because of the complaining].

So sticking with the original idea:
Things you should know before you go into a Jamba Juice

1. Sometimes things get fucked up so be patient when you order a smoothie and it takes awhile, or a wheatgrass shot...those take even longer sometimes. Please be prepared to wait for at least five to seven minutes.

2. We can't add something you brought from home...like a dietary supplement or what not. Just mix it in after we make your smoothie.

3. If you really don't know what to get just order a Strawberries Wild, everyone loves that shit.

I don't really have any other advice to give....


I just realized I've been saying "we"...I haven't been at Jamba for about a year now.

Amen.

[Edited on Oct 09, 2003 by r3v]

Mall:

The mall will be more expensive than a department store. So when you asked how much something is, and it is 3 times what you would pay at Walmart, don't give me a dirty look.

Businesses are in business to make money. Not to help you out. Yes, we do want to serve you. That is what we get paid for. So pay for it. Don't just try to leach off a company, the services or its employees.

I have no problem being asked general mall information. I am a helpful guy. But, most mall employees don't like to be a directory. Feel free to ask me. The rest don't seem to like it. Also, malls tend to have an information booth and directories. And the mall cops love to tell you where to go. They get lonely. So feel free to use those resources.

If someone is standing behind a counter looking at a computer monitor, they are working. Not watching tv or what ever else you might guess. If they are ignoring you, it might not be that persons job to help you. They might not even work there. They could be a vendor.

Most stores in malls are owned by corporations. The corporations have rules. The employees probably have to do things a certain way. Please don't think they are inflexible. Chances are if the employee doesn't follow procedure they loose there job.

Something to keep in mind when checking out at the register. Again, it isn't Walmart. No conveyor belt for the merchandise. If it takes longer than 30 seconds to check out, there might be a reason.

Tapping your credit/debit card on the counter is annoying. Don't do it. It makes me go slower because I have to count to ten so I don't loose it. Rude will get you screwed.

Have fun, happy shopping.

This is a cool thread. I just wanna say that i worked in a custom frame shop in high school, and everything in that post was 100% true.

"Yes, framing this picture like you want it will cost $400......ok, have a nice day."

Ok, I'll contribute. Not in retail, but these are things you should know anyways.

Thinks you should know in case the fire department responds to your office...

1) I don't care what your title is, how much you get paid, or how many people you're in charge of. If I tell you to leave your office, you need to GET OUT. It doesn't matter that you don't see a fire. Even if there is no fire. We don't know that the building is safe until we check it out top to bottom.

2) If you show up to work and there's a fire engine with flashing lights parked in the parking lot and people standing outside, please don't walk inside. You're going to feel very put off when I yell at you to leave.

3) Don't ask if you can help. You can't. I spent 6 months in school just learning the basics of this job, plus all the on the job training and continued education that it requires. I don't want you to get hurt, and more importantly I don't want to risk you doing something that can hurt me.

4) No, I can't tell you when your building will be open again. It will be open when I'm done doing my job and my chief says it can be open again.

5) Fire alarms mean "evacuate." If your office is at the opposite end of our jurisdiction and it takes 5 minutes to get there, please don't still be inside. I'm sure your organization has fire alarm procedures.


I'm sure I could think of a million more things that I see every day, but you get the idea. Point 1 really is the biggest issue. It really doesn't matter if you're the CEO, or in the case of the military, an officer. When I'm on scene in an official capacity, I out rank you. I'm nearly the lowest rank in the military, but if I tell a colonel to evacuate, and he doesn't, he is in direct violation of a lawful order and can be arrested. We've had officers arrested before, we're not afraid of your rank. When we respond to civilians it's the same thing. We are not trying to ruin your lives or your company. We're trying to make sure you're safe, even if that means dragging you out kicking and screaming and turning you over to the police.

Fireworks tent:

The employees have not tried all of the hundreds of fireworks there. We are not given any training, hell they don't even have you fill out an application or show I.D. or anything before hiring you. So please don't go around asking "What's this do?" about every fucking item there. Usually the workers can give you a general ideaof what an item will do, but don't expect any more than that.

There is no such thing as buy one get one free on fireworks, the tents that have these deals just double their prices.

You're paying about a 500% mark up over what the fireworks tents pay.

The majority of the people working there are drunk or high.

Don't expect everything to still be in stock at 6:00pm on July 4th and then get pissed because most of the good stuff is sold out.