Things you should know before you go into a...

This is a thread to enlighten. Not to bitch. I thought it would be a good idea to let people in on the basic principles involved in their retail job. While this could easily degrade into simply bitching about how much retail sucks, I trust that we're all mature enough not to let that happen. Well, no, we're not, but oh, well.

For instance, I work at Sherwin-Williams paint retailer. There are some things you should know, but, due to the fact that they don't teach House Paint 101 in school, probably don't.

1. Paint is expensive. If you want to do a good job, and get the right materials, paint is expensive. Even if you want to paint your house just to sell it, it gets up there in price. You could buy your paint at Wal-Mart or Lowe's, but that paint sucks. That's why it's cheap. A good gallon of paint will run you at least 18 dollars. Good roller cover: $5. Good brush: $15. Good tape: $4 a roll.

2. There's more than one kind of paint. I get this all the time: "You have more than one?" In my store alone, there are 17 types of interior flat paint, 14 types of eg-shel or satin, and 13 types of semigloss. Expecting us to have just one type of paint is like going to Burger King and just saying, "I'll have a burger."

3. Paint matches take, on average, two to three hours. If they're using a machine to do your match, it's got a 50-50 chance of coming out right. If they're doing it by eye, it's guaranteed to be right by your standards.

4. It will not touch up. There's no such thing as touch-up paint. If it's been longer than two years since you painted, the paint on the wall will have faded; the paint that you buy new to touch up will have a different batch date, and therefore a slightly different color; same sheens from different companies don't match; same sheens from the same company but from different products don't match. All-in-all, you will have to paint wall-to-wall. Heh, that rhymed.

5. We are not authorized to pick your colors for you. It's explicitly against the rules. If you don't know what color you want, have your friend pick it. We can't. Also, we can tell you what matches whatever you're holding or have brought in. We can't make you believe that we're right. If you don't trust our judgement, don't ask.

Wow, that did kinda turn into a bitch-fest there at the end. Oh, well.

Now it's your turn. How can I be a good consumer in your store? Or, conversely, what can I do to royally piss you off?

thank you for that, i found that quite helpful... seriously...

Pizza places:

1) If you wait until you're STARVING to order pizza, it's not our problem to feed you IMMEDIATELY. It will still take about a half-hour or so to deliver it, so you should have called before your stomach tried to eat your spine.

2) In bad weather, delivery times are longer because of a) bad roads and b) a HUGE amount of phone calls for delivery. Deal with it or pick it up.

3) If you don't want to wait for delivery, pick it up. It's easy!

4) Tip the driver. We make minimum wage and use our own cars in most cases. Gas, oil changes, and brakes are expensive, and we brought your food to you so you wouldn't have to leave the football game.

5) Do not flirt with the driver. They don't want you. Get over it.

6) A pizza takes about two minutes to get down the make line once your order is started (you could be behind four to twelve other orders). Once it's down the line, it's in the oven for five to six minutes. Then it's put into a box, cut, and put onto the drivers' rack. The next available driver will take the orders IN ORDER, so your pizza might not leave for five minutes. Then it takes about five to fifteen minutes to get to your door. THAT'S why we CANNOT have a pizza delivered in ten minutes. Again, deal with it, or prepare to eat it raw.

Also, just because it takes an hour some nights does not mean it was sitting for a half-hour. Sometimes it doesn't get into the oven for twenty minutes because so many orders were ahead of yours. A pizza is out of the oven for, on average, 10-15 minutes before you get it, and the new hotbags make sure it's still hot when you get it.

7) If the store fucks up your pizza, don't take it out on the driver. It's like chastizing a waitress for a kitchen fuck-up.

8) Be nice. Please. If you yell, you'll get poor service. We respond much better to "please" and "thank you". If you call with a mistake, we will be happy to fix it and send a free pizza and stuff if you aren't an ass about it. We're only human, and you aren't perfect either.

9) You cannot use expired coupons.

10) Restrain your dog and turn on your porch light. I can't read addresses in the dark, and I don't know that your dog is friendly.

11) If I have to wade through two feet of snow to get to your door, you'd better tip me since I'll have cold, wet pant legs the rest of the night. (This has happened many many times).

12) If you are ordering while at work, I need your EXACT name, office number, door to use, etc. Nothing sucks more than wandering around a factory yelling for someone by first name for a half-hour (happened almost every Friday).

13) Your kids are not cute when they order pizza. I can't understand them. Order the pizza yourself, or prepare for us to make it wrong since the brat ordered the wrong toppings and sides.

14) If you are on hold, WAIT. We'll get to you. If you call back, you'll be further back in line.

15) If I say we have small, large, and extra large, do not order a medium or argue that a "large" would be a "medium" in that case. It's not. Medium pizzas are 12", and larges are 14"

16) On that note, do not ask how large our 14" pizza is. I've had a lot of these, and it's hard not to laugh when I say, "Um, fourteen inches. You answered your own question."

17) You are NOT the only order in the store. Deal with it. You are no more important than someone who called ahead of you.

18) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE know what you want BEFORE you call us. If you call to ask about specials and then need to consult your friends, HANG UP and call us back. Nothing sucks more than waiting five minutes for some customer to ask their friends about toppings they should have picked BEFORE THEY CALLED when you have four lines blinking, eighteen pies to make, and six pizzas coming out of the oven. Those other people probably know what they want, and your dumb ass is making us all irritated. Make a decision and THEN call.

[Edited on Oct 08, 2003 by Sorcha]

Wow, thanks for that. And go figure, I need to do some painting.

My last retail experience was at Walgreen's, and I was a cosmetician, which is one of those beauty advisors specifically in the beauty section. Walgreen's is the only chain drug store to offer beauty advisors, Wal-mart, Rite Aid, Sav-on, etc. do not. Obviously this is an advantage.

1. The cosmetician is NOT a pharmacist. The pharmacist is in back where the PHARMACY is. We cannot give medical advice, nor select products for you, no matter how minor the problem is. We sell makeup and perfume, not hemorrhoid recommendations, and we do not know which is the best diabetes lancet. Thank you.

2. The cosmetician is given commissions based on certain promotional products for that month. But if there was another product that was better, which was often the case, I would do my best to steer the customer to that product instead. So much for being unscrupulous. Commissions aren't everything, especially when someone comes back with a rash and bitches you out.

3. The cosmetician is not a marriage counselor, nor can she tell you what your husband spent 101.75 on in her section. Again, I like Dove Deep Moisture Beauty Wash the best, but go ahead and try that Swiss Vanilla if you feel so inclined.

4. Do not bring merchandise from other stores, and get all pissy when we do not accept it for a return or exchange. Do not bring damaged or used merchandise, except in the instance of makeup, where we cheerfully take it back no questions asked. Most chain drugstores now have a return with no questions asked policy, which is a little better than dept. stores (except for Nordstrom).

5. Lancome owns L'oreal, which means that when Lancome launches a new swanky skin care product or sexy makeup item, that there will usually be its counterpart in the L'oreal makeup and skin section of the drugstore, which means you leave with a fatter pocketbook. Come to think of it, you can skimp on a lot of products by buying them at the drugstore instead of department or specialty.

6. Throw away old makeup NOW, especially mascara. It usually lasts from 2-5 months depending on usage. Always tighten the caps, bottles, wands, pots, etc. so bacteria doesn't have a chance to get in. If the makeup smells strange, looks funny, or is otherwise dubious, DO NOT use it, please. You don't know how many scratched corneas and pink eye I've seen from using old eye makeup. And do NOT share makeup, you silly. Cold sores are contagious and can live on lipstick. Grody.

7. When using coupons, please make sure that it is current and for the ACTUAL product, otherwise you will have some mighty pissy people wanting to gauge your eyes out waiting in line behind you. I was fairly patient, believe it or not, but you do get a reputation throughout the store with other employees, and they will roll their eyes and gesture behind their backs at you. Oh, how I wish I could see some of the tapes from months gone by, hehe.

Hope you're enlightened. I am, and will probably never ever go back to retail, unless it's at the MAC cosmetics counter.

The paint store entry was helpful. Thanks!

I hope more people post hints about their jobs. I don't want to be one of those "stupid customers".

Past experience from working in a tire and auto parts store.

Only real suggestion. Know what kind of car you drive.. make, model, year, color (yes some ppl honestly are clueless) and license plate number.

By that information alone parts can be looked up and if need be your car can be located in the parking lot and staff can find out what you didnt know.

Retail in general when shopping for gifts... do NOT ask us what we think a "guy/girl this age" would want. Tastes are very different even among people of the same age group. I don't mind asking questions to what people do for hobbies or how they dress, but I at least expect you to know the answer to them if they are your friend or family member.

they have 16 yr olds on scooters deliverin pizzas round here, never forget one little tw@t screeched up on the pavement and tried to open my front gate with his wheel, he ended up over the handle bars half impaled on the cast iron spikes while his moped busied itself doin 180's on the floor with the throttle stuck, but yer i still ate the thing, though it looked nowt like a vege feast and he got a tip (nearly the tip of me boot up his arse but kindness prevailed):blackeyed

seriously about the paint, what colour goes with dark red, you know as a neutral, im decoratin at the mo and have 2 opposite walls in a dark red and wanted a lighter shade for the other 2 as it would be too dark all in the same shade
oh and hi

A light golden or taupe colour would look nice on that wall, and it would give the room a "warm, homey" feel.

Welcome to the site.

Thanks Sorcha, for the tips and the welcome
im a brickie (umm you call it construction worker i think) only tips i can give when you have the builders in is to make lots of brews

I work in a custom frame shop. I don't know how many of you visit your local frame shops but here are a couple things to keep in mind.

1: The work is CUSTOM work. Meaning there is no such thing as an estimate price. It depends upon the size of the picture, the price of the frame you choose, how many mats you have if any, type of glass and foamboard backing, and when the item is needed for pickup. Please, don't come in and say, "I know it's custom, but I just need an average price." No such thing.

2: Bring the artwork with you. There is nothing worse than trying to figure out what you want when you can't match it up to what you're framing. Seems like common sense, but I see this all the time.

3: There is no standad size on matting. You may choose to have a half-inch boarder or a seven inch boarder. It doesn't matter to us so just get an idea of what you like by looking at other things you might have framed or have seen framed. And also don't be afraid of wide mat boarders. People are always saying that they don't want it to take away from the picture but sometimes it looks bitchin to have like six inches of mat on each side.

4: Don't walk in and ask for opinions if you aren't open minded. Also don't be afraid to base who you work with on how they look. My taste in materials is completely different than my Abercrombie co-worker. You may have an easier time working with someone who seems to have similiar tastes.

5: Don't bitch cause the grain or finish is differnt than what's on the shelf. Wood frames are going to be unique because it's a natural product. We match things up the best we can, but it's impossible for us to match everything exactly to what you saw on the shelf. Sometimes the color is lighter or darker, somtimes the wood grain is sqwigley, sometimes it's verticle, sometimes horizontal...

6: Yes it's expensive, no I can't give you a discount. No I don't think you're funny. If you want it to be cheap go buy a frame from walmart.

7: Don't make fun of my math skills, my funny protective eyeware, or my shitty jeans. I don't like doing math in front of people and yes, simple addition of numbers and fractions is hard for me so fuck off.

Now, what did you have in mind for that.

Blockbuster:

1. If you wait until Friday night at 11:42 on a rainy weekend, chances are the movie you want is not there. It's not my fault. I had no idea you were comming, and I did not rent it out to someone else just to make you angry.

2. Extended Viewing Fees are just that exactly. You keep the movie out past when it is due, in such you are viewing it over the amount of time aloted to you in the rental agreement. In such, you are charged for extended viewing. I can understand emergencies like anyone else and of course customer service is still number 1, however customer service does not include taking off EVF's because:
-I had to go to work
-I was at Church
-My dog was sick
-I left it at a friends house
-any other petty ass exuse to try and weasel your way out of paying for what you owe.

3 and the most important of all. It is not part of my job to watch every movie we have. Just because I work at a movie store, does not mean that I watch every movie that comes out, or was ever made, we have lives too. Working at a movie store is just like any other job, it is exactly that, it is a job. Most of us, hopefully, got a job there because we enjoy movies, but even a person who loves movies has to do other things. I don't know anyone who can work a 40 hour week and still go home every night at watch the 9+ movies that come out every week so I can pick out the good ones for you. Take a fucking chance and you may surprise yourself. There is nothing worst than a customer that asks "Have you seen this." and then when I give a honest answer they get angry and say "Isn't that part of your job?" No, it's not part of my fucking job. My job is to rent you movies, not to shelter your or impose my taste in movies on you. If you don't want a honest answer, don't ask the fucking question.

4. This also goes along with #3. Just because I didn't like a movie, doesn't mean it sucks. Different strokes for different folks. That is why there are so many movies. I can't help it that Sandra Bullock is a moron and all of her movies pretty much suck. That is my opinion, don't get angry if I offend your daughter who looks up to her and wants to be just like her. Tell her to go kill herself watching Two Weeks Notice, I know I almost did...

This may have bordered on bitching, however these are things that for some reason the public does not know, and they should.
Now go rent some movies that you wouldn't normally rent and open up and enlighten yourself.
-J

[Edited on Oct 08, 2003 by TheHaunted]

I've been doing retail for a long time, now I have a store of my own. (www.panic-store.com). There are a few things you should remember before you come visit me.

1. Do not say "Wow . . . this is just like Hot Topic, only cooler." It makes you look like an idiot. If you only know this stuff because you saw it on tv, try to hide it.

2. Do not start telling me about your tattoos or the tattoos you are going to get.

3. Do Not shop around for an hour, look at every piece of merchandise and leave without buying anything. If you are that interested, then buy something.

4. If you down my store, I will make fun of you in front of your girlfriend, boyfriend, kids, parents etc.

5. Remember, this is how I eat, pay bills, and date. When you buy stuff it helps me get the things I need to survive.

6. If you buy something (in the store or on the web site) and mention SG I'll give you free stuff or a discount or something.

Dear workers:

Stop fooling yourselves. This thread is 95% bitchfest.

Actually, I felt like my post was more like 83.125% bitch and 17.625% infomative... oh wait. Ah I mean, where's my fucking calculator.

...made possible by 100% stupidity.

Liquor Store:
i don't know how many of these will apply to your average SG member, but whatever.....
1.If you stink, are bleeding, or pull your money out of your nasty, sweaty sock, I will ask you to leave.

2. If I say we are out, we are out. There is no secret stash (unless its something im gonna buy that night)

3. This goes for all retail, but IF YOU TALK ON YOUR CELLPHONE THE ENTIRE TIME WHILE GIVING ME A CURSORY NOD AND NOT EVEN LOOKING AT ME WHILE I RING YOU UP YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!
sorry, that was definitely a bitch.......

4. If you are some sort of rich snob who shoots dirty looks at the guy getting the $2 half-pint of whisky, even though you drink nearly as much as he does, i will give you the nastiest, sweatiest bills i have as change.

5. Please and thank-you are empty pleasantries, but they are still nice to hear.

6. Again, this goes for all retail: If you are pleasant, or at least polite, and treat me like a person, I will do my very best to get what you need, make suggestions if you want them, and make you want to come back.

7. No matter how drunk you may be, I do not want to hear about all the 'bitches' you are going to 'bag' tonight. Shit like that makes me want to go home and cry.

8. I work at a liquor store, which tends to get pretty depressing, so if you're in a good mood, feel free to tell me a joke or a (short) story to spread it around.

Ok, ok, so Skryche is right.......total bitchfest, but why not?

Art Supply store bitchfest coming soon

has anyone ever asked you if you have a darker black? like, i need black, but darker. or, do you have a lighter red? you may think i want pink, or rose, but no... i need a light red? as a lowly production artist, i get those kind of questions all the time.

yes, i know about super black.

-bobby

Okay.. I don't work in the retail industry but I've been there and I feel your pain. So I'm going to talk from the perspective of "the IT guy" which is something I'd like to think I have alot of experience in. These rules should go for calling call centers for Dell, Gateway, etc, as well as if you work in an office enviornment and you need to call tech support for a problem.

1: It is ALWAYS your fault, not ours.
2: reference 1
3: Reboot before you call, and if rebooting doesn't work, remember that the problem is probably a result of something you did; ie : your fault
4: Don't try to use "tech words" like "computer" or "keyboard" those might be too complicated for you.. stick to the words you're most comfortable with like "that thingie" and "the other thingie that clicks".
5: Dont EVER say anything that words in a sequence or similar sequence of "if we had MACs this problem wouldn't be happening" or "we should just use Linux" cause you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Saying things like this will get your issue bumped back to the end of the list.
6: Remembering your password is NOT HARD. no matter what your friends tell you, I promise it's easy. You remember your PIN code for your debit card right? Well this is your "PIN CODE" to your job, which powers your debit card, so try and put a little effort into remembering it.
7: The fact that you cannot log into AIM, ICQ, Yahoo IM, etc is NOT an accident and it has nothing to do with your job. If you're retarded enough to complain about this, you don't deserve a job.
8: Never comment on how much or little work I do. Always remember, I am important... you are not.
9: In the rare event that I listen to the words that come out of your mouth, never abuse this gift by trying to take an opportunity to get me to give you advice on your personal computer problems at home. I don't care about your problems.
10: It is never ever ever cool to try to act like you're in the know to talk about how much "war-ez" you get, or how you have access to free software. You are a leech, and you don't know what you're talking about. Razor911 would eat you for lunch.

I hope you find these bits of information useful in your day to day lives. And if you happen to work for the same company as me, yes i am allowed to be on this site and no you are not. Now get back to work before I report this to your manager!

-Yours Truly
Aumie

I work in a paint store, too. Different brand. And on the east coast. I have to say, everything in the Sherwin-Williams post was right.

In addition, if you want something matched, bring a sample. I dont know how many times someone has walked up to me and said "I have a brown carpet. What matches that?"
Well, is it brown like baby shit? Brown like oak in an old barn? Brown like my girlfriend's teeth?
Not all browns are the same, and if you dont bring me a sample, I cant match it.

Also, DONT bring me a color chip and ask "What is in this? Can you make it 2 shades lighter?" Because two shades lighter to me might be 4 and a half shades lighter to you. If you dont see the color you want there, go find it and bring it to me. If you want the paint I sell in my store, but you dont like the colors, go to a different store and find a color you like. Then bring me the chip. I would rather spend an hour matching a competitor's color than spend all afternoon saying "How about this? Light enough? Oh, too green. Yeah. Let me add something to it."

Chances are, what I am adding to it will be:
Breath mints, boogers, used tissues, spit, dried paint chips, can openers, my chewed gum. And a little bit of color that I will not write on the side of the can, so when you run out, and come back for more, it will look close enough that you cant complain, but just a tiny tiny bit off.

Speaking of writing on the can. If the formula is on the side of the can, DONT wipe your brush off across the formula. And when you need more, DONT just write what is on the can onto a scrap of toilet paper and bring it in. Inevitably, you will leave something off. Since you are holding the can in your hand, instead of writing it down, BRING THE CAN BACK TO THE STORE! I dont care if it has paint on the side. I am not afraid of the paint. Put the damn thing in a bag and bring it to me. Then when it isnt the right color, it will be my fault, and not yours.

OK, last thing. I sell between 90 and 300 gallons of paint PER DAY. I dont remember you or the color, sheen, quality, and formula for the paint you bought a month ago. No, I cannot "look it up in the little computer thingie." If you cant remember what you bought, dont expect me to remember.

I dont know how it is at Sherwin-Williams, but where I work, I have the power to give substantial discounts to people who are really nice and know just what they want.

Thank you so much for listening. Happy painting.

Oh yes... we (in pizza) also have the power to give coupons and stuff to people who are extremely nice and patient. I often hook customers up with a coupon they don't have just because they were the first nice person in an hour.

Regarding cell phones: No kidding. It's so rude and dismissive. I always make sure to say, "Hi! How's it going? You had a large with blah blah blah... your total will be... out of X amount, and your change is... have a good day," all said loudly so they can hear me and almost HAVE to respond.

i run an power equipment repair shop.. but this can go for any type of service center or garage...

1. know the model , type and serial number of whatever you need parts for....
2. if possible bring the equipment in to the store for me to see..
3 .if i'm on the phone with another customer, don't stand there and ring the counter bell every thirty seconds
4. do not call me on the phone, and ask me to "listen to this noise, and see what it is...."
5. if the broken parts you bring in are covered with grease and oil, please at least wipe them off before bringing them in, i don't want oil all over my counter, books, and computers, and it costs you $48 and hour labor for me to clean them for you...
6. i sell premium brands of equipment, and the service parts for them, do not expect me to have a pulley or belt for a 30 year old tractor you bought at sears.
7. when dealing on the price of a new tractor, tell me if you are trading a peice of equipment in. it DOES affect the pricing scale.
8. don't tell me, " so and so will sell that same unit for 150 bucks less.." if their price is lower, just buy it off of them.... i give my best price from the get go.
9. when you tractor breaks in the first week of may, don't expect it to be dome the next day, i usually have 15 to 20 units ahead of yours
10. if i say it'll be 7 to 10 days, don't call every day after 3 days.. it wont get it done any faster... if anything it'll get done last...and cost more.
11. if parts are on back order, i CAN"T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! i don't have a secret stash somewhere.
12. and the most important. just because i'm a " grease monkey" , don't think your better than me. if your so smart, why didn't you fix it yourself?
give me a little respect, and you'll get the same in return
i could go on for days, but i'll stop there.

Skate Shop

1.) If you are over 40 listen to the employees, they know more than you ever will about skateboards and all things associated with skateboarding.

2.) If you are over 40 and buying things for yourself, expect to get screwed if you take anyone under 20's advice.

3.) Girls can't grip skateboards (no disrespect, but it's true)

4.) Anything on sale at a skateshop you don't want, it's on sale for a reason.

5.) Don't ever argue with employees, getting fired from a skateshop is difficult so they will call you out without the fear of loosing their job.

Ok, sadly, I've gotten the darker black once. They weren't joking. And I've gotten the lighter red several times. They ask for lighter red, I show them pink. They laugh, I don't.

And what the hell is super black?

I used to work in a book store. I figured I'd work in Barnes & Noble...yeah, it'll be great...I'll spend all day recommending Bukowski, and discussing Langston Hughes with well-read customers. Oops....I was wrong.

1.) PLEASE!?!?!?! For the love of God, know SOMETHING about the book you are looking for. The Title, the Author, the subject matter.......If you tell me it's the green book that was "over there" a few months ago......I'm going to pretend I'm helping you, then walk away.

2.) I don't like Oprah, I don't Watch Oprah....I don't know what fucking book was on Oprah today. I was at WORK while you were watching Oprah. So drag your unoriginal ass to the Oprah table and chow down. God forbid you brows the fiction section and have an origial thought.

3.) If you come running in, 4 minutes before closing on a Sunday because your paper on Grendel is due monday morning...Save the $6 your;e about to spend on the paperback. You're going to fail. If you give me attitude because we didn't have the book 4 minutes before closing on Sunday.......you should burn in hell....or at least take a cue from everone ELSE who bought the book weeks ago.

OR

If you come running in, 4 minutes before closing on a Sunday because your KID'S paper on Grendel is due Monday morning......shoot him and save the $15,000 per year you're wasting on his college education.

4.) Retail bookstores are not your college bookstore. We're NOT going to have that book on Angioplasty Methods in stock. I would have special ordered it for you if you weren't such a pompous prick. I KNOW what Angioplasty is, you don't have to tell me. And TELLING me what Angioplasty is will not make the book magically appear.

5.) Don't ask me to suggest a book if you're not going to listen to anything I recommend. I can't tell you how many times people ask me....Can you suggest a book? Only to have them repeatedly shoot down EVERY suggestion. I don't know you.......If you're asking to me to estimate your reading interestes just by looking at you......The Dullard section is in the rear of the store.

6.) Don't ask me where the calendars are when your first walk into the store. First of all, you didn't even TRY to look. Are you that helpless? Secondly....you're LEANING on the fucking calendars you tool.

7.) The purpose of the Children's section is to store the Children's books that we are trying to sell. It isn't fucking daycare. If I see you walk into the store with a kid, and walk out of the store without that kid, I'm calling the police. I'm going to embarrass you. You deserve the embarrassment

Seriously, you don't know how many times people have dropped their kid off while they went to Applebee's next door, or Food Shopping.

8.) This is a message to the employees of the bookstore. You work a retail job in a bookstore. Drop the attitude.

Oh, oh, oh, and the sample has to be at least two inches by two inches. Don't bring in some light blue powder and ask me if I can match it.

Word.

Everyone else, thank you for at least making the first page 18% bitch free.