somebody gives you shit. whats your one line comeback

"Wow I bet you feel real slick...Just like the back of a hooker's throat."

Used it on my roomate just yesterday

i ususally use this(even though this is a different version of another post)::::::::::

"keep actin like a bitch and i'll smack you like a bitch"

then when they get quiet say::

"Whos the beotch now?"

the next place you speak from is where i fucked you last and if you fart your lying.....

that usually shuts everbody up

"thats fucking interesting..."

"I guess anal sex is out of the question." - That really shuts down my Sunday school class.

"Excuse me? What did you say?"

*said sarcastically while leaning in menacingly*
I used this one earlier today ... and, yeah, it worked ...

nah i'm not in the mood for a blowjob right now junior but thanks for offering...

i think i got that from dennis miller, i'm not sure

Go eat a big bowl of runny fuck, you slumcunt.

well the point of talking shit is to look tough. no other reason. if you were tough you would just walk up to the guy say fuck you and deck him. so keeping that in mind my favorite comeback is:

"do something about it."

its really simple. some guy wants to look tough so he talks shit thinking youll back down and be embarrassed. so if you call him out to fight, most of the time they wont, and then they just feel like a fuckin idiot.

I usually smile a big smile and wave. It pisses some people off and makes other wonder if they just insulted their bosses son.

i just look at them and say" really!?!?, well this oughtta be fun....* opens front door*.... after you...."
either that, or say " shut the fuck up and buy me a shot"... and make sure you order a double....

One time I was getting lunch in town, and some fat kid yelled out:
"Who're you supposed to be? Spike?"
I yelled back:
""Who the fuck're you supposed to be? Eric Cartman?"

He shut the fuck up and his friends laughed at him...

Spike

how... punk.

-bobby

fuck you, i got kids to feed.

Generally my comeback is to laugh at them. Really, anyone trying to be threatening in this day and age is an anachronism to me. While fisticuffs is an entertaining way to while away the Sunday hours, it doesn't seem to be the way to solve things. Someone wants to beat me up, I laugh at him. He still wants to beat me up, I let him. Then I find out where he lives and either destroy his personal possessions in a childish, but effective, temper tantrum, or I kill him while he sleeps. While the second one has never come up in a practical situation, the first one has.

Example: I flipped this one guy off as I was driving into a parking lot. He was driving like an ass, and cut me off; perhaps giving him the finger wasn't the way to handle it, but it's what I did and I stand by it. What he then did was turn around, follow me into the parking lot, and, after he asked me why I flipped him off and I told him, told me that if I ever flipped him off again he'd kick my ass. My first thought was, what? My second thought was, When am I ever going to see you again, dumbass? My third thought, and subsequent action, was to look at his wife in the passenger seat. I stared at her, up and down, for a good five to ten seconds. Then I laughed and walked away. I'm not sure if it instilled fear in his heart (I'd say probably not), but he didn't do anything following that.

So the best thing to do, besides kill them while they sleep, is ignore them. It ends a stupid thing quickly, and usually makes the other party look foolish.

Unless you like to play the game, which can be fun.

[Edited on Oct 08, 2003 by themadking]

choke on it.

my line is "i hope you get AIDS!"

always think of the scene in Goodfellas when joe pesci tells that bloke to "go fuck your mother" BIFF BANG BOSH BANG! when he wakes up, its "Hey, what are you still doin herre? i thought i told you to go fuck your mother?" BIFF BANG ... so cool, but somehow i dont think i'd get away with it
FUCK OFF, TWAT! is straight to the point or as my mum always says, kill em with kindness?

"Psh! One more operation and I'll be more woman than you can handle, chica!" (said with sort of a gay mexican accent)

I forget where I got it, but I do it well and it generally leaves them speechless.

I know you are but what am I? Old school NEVER fails!!