here's one from yesterday when i was visiting:

my dad on a craftmatic adjustable bed commercial:
"adjusting that bed is the only sexual release that old broad gets after her husband died"
h.s.

Dave_H

Bermuda

January 2003

OCT 12, 2003 11:14 AM

its not really a quote but my favorite moment was the talk when my dad told me that he my mom had discussed it and it was ok and they would support me if I was gay.

You don't know how hard it is to convince your parents that you're not gay when they're trying to tell you its ok if you are.

(Seeing as how I live in SF and that they've only known about one girlfreind I've ever had I suspect they still think I am)

Louise

SUICIDEGIRL

Oregon, USA

OCT 12, 2003 03:33 PM

mom: "get up! get out of bed! put on some black clothes!"
me: "mom, it's a school night and you are insane."
mom: "we're making wine! come on! put on black clothes! we're going to sneak over the fence and steal some grapes from the vineyard!"
me: "do i get to squish them with my feet?"
mom: "yeah, okay, but you have to wash your feet first."

(sitting down at christmas dinner)
stepdad: "me and Jesus, we have an appreciation for eachother. i bend him over, i stick it where it doesn't belong. we all have to appreciate the baby Jesus in our own way."
mom: "it's 'Jesus and I...'"

dad: "we're at WAR! dumb bastards!"

Kayla

Dublin, CA

June 2003

OCT 12, 2003 03:55 PM

Mom: "Your father loves handjobs"
Me: "....what the fuck!?"

Me: Dad, i was thinking of modeling for Suicidegirls.
Dad: Please kayla...please don't get your naked ass plastered all over the internet.

(got my SG shirt in the mail)
me: Its too big on me
Dad: Give it to me, i'll wear it. I'll tell all my friends i model for a punk porn site.

me: *slams the car door*
dad: next time you slam my car door im gonna slam your FOCKING head in it! (said in the jerseyest accent possible)
me: oh my god...we're so jersey.

me: *shows mom picture of my new pinwheel on AIM*
mom: Thats for horses right...you're going to spur a horse? Please fucking tell me thats for a horse
me: hehehehehe
mom: whats it really used for?
me: well it was used to test nerve sense in patients who had lost sensation in certain body parts
mom: you're going to be a nurse. please tell me you're going to be a nurse

(i just broke up with my ex boyfriend)
Mom: you were too good for him anyway
me: you always say that after i break up with a guy
mom: this time i mean it though.
me: so...you didn't the last few times?
mom: well.....do you wanna go out for ice cream?
me: i'm 18! you can't bribe me with ice cream anymore

BukkakeGod

Congers, NY

August 2003

OCT 12, 2003 03:58 PM

dad: i wish i was your age again, i would be hanging out at the colleges and high schools all day looking for a hot piece of ass, so i could ditch your mother
me: but you hang out there already
dad: yeah but thats work related, i actually have fix the heating, and i dont get to talk to the fine ass chicks.
me: you have some serious issues, im telling mom