Greatest quotes from your parents

Are your parents quotable?
My mother takes the cake with a mid 80's remark to COMPANY over a KFC dinner, of all things:
"I get down on my knees everyday and thank God that I wasn't born black." I have no idea what warranted this comment, nor have I ever seen this woman pray. The fact that her second husband was black makes it even better. Lunatic.
Runners up-
2."When I'm dead and buried, that's when all of you wil turn around and say, 'Yes, that Nancy was a nice lady."
3. "I've decided that I'm going to take all of the Christmas presents back and give them to a family that loves me."
4. "You need to do something with your life. The supermarket is always hiring."
5. "Doesn't everyone try things?"-after mentioning she'd smoked crack
There are more but in closing to quote my mother, "I don't remember saying that. You were with baby sitters most of the time."

"Are you smoking the reefer?!" said by my mom after she found pot in my room when I was in high school less than 10 years ago. Hehehe "...the reefer."

Fuck man- I thought I had it rough.
heres quote from my fathers lips to my ears:
"I wish I could be the one to take your virginity,"

Its a wonder he's now living with his first cousin and raising their two children.

My moms WAY less gross! I love the crap outta my mom! I still left home at 14.

Edited to say that the thing I hate most is the fact that my grandmother (his mother) and everyone else is the family pretend everything is totally normal with the 1st cousin's lving together and having kids arrangement.

I think me and my sister truly are the only two people in our family that think its kinda...well...
...weird!
Edited again to add the puke symbol. LOL- I guess this post sounds really bad.

[Edited on Oct 03, 2003 by ElleBelle]

my moms walks into my just redecorated room, looks around and says," i can read the news article now,' neighbor says, he was such a nice quiet boy...'"
my dad's favorite" i brought you into this world, i can take you out..."
or when someone says i'm a chip off the old block. he replies," don't insult me like that!"

Near our house some kid spraypainted "smoke a bowl" on a stop sign. My mom took a look at it and said - "smoke a bowl? How on earth can you smoke a bowl? You certainly can't smoke anything plastic." Duh. And my mom again did it again when folding laundry. My brother (about 9 years old at the time) somehow snuck a t-shirt past the parental censors that had "muff diver" emblazoned across the front. My mom held it up, laughed, and said to me, "your brother has the silliest shirts. Diving for ear muffs?" Then she laughed her ass off. Double duh. My mom is so prim and proper she would have died from mortification to know what "muff diver" really meant.

All the adults I knew growing up smoked-
They always use to tell me and my sister smoke follows beauty.

Yeah it also causes fucking cancer FREAKO.

My mom always use to say "suffer for beauty!"
I think it was a popular saying in the 70s or something.

1) Dad: "if clues were shoes you'd go barefoot"

2) Mom: "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"

3) (me and my girlfriend I brought home for thanksgiving weekend were on our way to bed)
Dad: "if you need any help you know were I'll be"
me: "Dad you're a freak" (but I did laugh)




[Edited on Oct 01, 2003 by Big_Baby_Satan]

words of wisdom straght from my mother this was also the same thing she told me this also covered "the talk"

charm and personality only lasts for teh first 15 minutes of any encounter after that you had better have a big dick or huge tits....

yes my mother was sightly perverted but what else can i say about a woman that pimped me out at the bars she worked in? but Mom i love you and not in that dirty inbreeding way

Mother talking about the squirrels in the garden: "There's just no reasoning with them"

Mother talking about Adam Rickitt, minor soap actor "He looks a right vacant cunt"

My dad has a few great sayings. Most of them involve the word "shit"

"Go shit in your hat, and pull it over you ears"

"You can wish in one hand and shit in the the other.....guess which one gets filled first"

"Impossible just takes longer"

"You're so full of shit, your eyes tuned brown"

"Talking to you is like shoveling shit against the tide"

"You're trying to fit 10 pouinds of shit in a 5 pound bucket"

"You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit......no matter how much mayonnaise you use"

[Edited on Oct 01, 2003 by Cash]

I think my parents are relatively cringeless, although my dad still persists in calling me 'Tigger' in front of everyone.

"You don't get it! You just don't get it!" Yelled my mom at me like a million times.

"How do you know what you are missing if you do not try it?" My dad actually said this to me a month before my 21st birthday concerning my lack of interest in alcohol. Can you say HUH?!?! I wanted to ask if the same held true for heroin and cocaine!

dad: nothing is easy.

mom: shut up.

To me before I would go out: "If you need clean needles, just ask. Andm if you can't ask, just remember to boil them in bleach before you re-use them."

To my brother before he would go out: "I don't babysit."

when i was in sixth grade, during the oj trial, when he was trying on the gloves over the latex gloves. my mom said...

"speaking of latex, don't give a guy head when you have a cold. first of all it's difficult and his genitals could get infected."

umm... ewww... but i will never ever forget that piece of advice.

Are you on drugs???

My mom on her 50th birthday. In Norway. To her 75 year old mother, who hardly speaks english.
"I'M NOT GOING TO DO THE FUCKING DISHES! IT"S MY GODDAMN BIRTHDAY MOM!"

If you're gonna bring girls home, could you at least find quiet ones?

My dad once said "I'm the dictator around here" to me and I replied "You got the first syllable right."

Then I ran.

[Edited on Oct 01, 2003 by googuse]

dad condoms are good ok, use condoms.....
mom: there hasn't b een good speed or lsd since the late 70's
dad: why can't you bring me a 17 yr old blonde home
dad: it's shame that youth is wasted on youth
mom:girls can be dirty
dad: you know if your fucking a girl and you just put your pinky in their ass, they go nuts
mom: do you have your keys/books/shoes//keys/shake the orange juice/ thats hot.....
dad: your mom is nuts
mom: your dad is drunk

"Sex really isn't that great. It's no big deal." -- my mom

(which might explain why dad slept in the bed, and she slept in a recliner)

My mom had some zingers as well...

On drugs...
Mom: You know, Craig, for the amount of drugs I did, I'm glad you turned out normal.
Me (with lip peircing, blue mohawk, and on acid at the time): Uh, I'm not that normal.
Mom: No, I mean I'm glad you had 10 fingers and 10 toes.

On sex...
Mom: It's not the size of the boat, it's the ability to stay in port until all the passangers have departed.

The scene: the check out line of the local grocery store. The cast: myself, 15, my (adopted) dad, 65

Dad (loudly, upon seeing cover of magazine featuring Cindy Crawford): Look at that! You can see her nipples! Now that's what you wrap your tongue around, son.

Me: dies.