NEWS: Meet The Douchebags

CELEB: Meet The Douchebags

Ok, you see this? This is Meet The Spartans.







This needs to stop. Like, right fucking now!



The genre of Parody/Slapstick movies has gone from my absolute favorite to most despised. More so than musicals. It's a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. The entire world would be mourning if they knew what was good for them.



Top Secret? Hot Shots? UHF? Naked Gun? Spaceballs? These movies are as brilliant as they are timeless and I'm hard pressed to find anybody that disagrees with me.



And just so we're all clear here, I work for a company that deals heavily with the movie industry. (So do 16 year old Blockbuster clerks. What's your point?) I see things. I know things. These movies? They suck. This isn't an opinion either. I know, it totally sounds like one, but you'll have to trust me. This is science we're dealing with. Bad science.



Now, these two douchebags (Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer) have somehow gained a monopoly on the entire genre. Their combined lack of understanding of the craft is equivalent to 3 Uwe Bolls! THREE!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!!



You can even tell from the moment the preview pops up that it's the same crack team of knuckleheads! I'm convinced that they're one of those weird anomalies that fell upwards in Hollywood, starting off as some executive's genital scrubber. It's not just the "______ Movie" titles, but it's this weird subliminal veil of shit over the camera lens that gives it away the moment I see it. Thats the best way I can explain it. If you handed me a random production still, I would tell you it's a "Retarded Movie" and then crush your facial bones with the other hand.



Team America is the only recent example I can think of, love it or hate it, that got the point of making fun of big budget action films. Even though there's really never been a live action movie about an American-Based Global Police Force, it was just like 90% of every big budget action film from the last 25 years. Their cookie cutter "female interest," the machismo soundtrack and overly-reluctant hero are just some examples how you can make fun of movies that haven't even been green lit yet.



And if you're going to make a parody of a particular movie, get into it. Deconstruct the shit out of it. Don't just fling satirical poo at anything that crawled through the box office. Pick a target and maim it like a Roman Lion!



Kentucky Fried Movie was actually brilliant enough to play the best of both worlds. They tackled late 70s pop culture with disjointed sketches that SNL wished they could do and then crammed a short, but complete parody of Enter The Dragon into the middle of it.







UHF took on TV in the late 80s using a low-budget station willing to do anything. The Naked Gun took on Cop Dramas/Noir. Austen Powers nabbed not just Bond movies, but all the crazy French Spy flicks and even The Prisoner for Pete's sake! And none of them are held down by timely gags centered around Nike Commercials or 6th place American Idol contestants. NONE!!



Gah, my brain hurts already. Just do me a favor and DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE!!! Don't even download it! In the meantime, I'm going to sleep, where my non sequitur dreams have better jokes.



OctEgon isn't really sure what to put down here at the bottom, but noticed that all the other articles had some witty remark, so consider this his.

I kinda wanted to visit a theater on opening weekend and punch every motherfucker I saw standing in line for this piece of dogshit right in the fuckin' head.

That's how bad it looked.

I made the mistake of seeing Date Movie. I was so so sorry.

lol meet the spartans.

i guess im pretty psyched i didn't even know there was a meet the spartans movie out

Maybe America is getting the movies it deserves.

*clicks on video*

looks like you got you wish (at least partially)


For the record though I agree. Funny movies should only be made by people with an actual sense of humor. Not by these two idiots. I though Scary Movie was pretty funny (mostly because i thought scream was shit) and the two sequels got their fair share of laughs out of me (4 sucked). But seriously... if this is all you have to offer as a film maker, then you need to look for another job.

I thank you for bringing this atrocity to the attention of the American people.

When morons see this movie and make it number 1 in the box office it tells these unoriginal grossly un funny dimwits that these type of movies are good and viable.

Wow, I never even thought of that. Good call.

Two words: Hot Fuzz.

And Hot Fuzz managed to do it without sucking.

Brittannia, fuck yeah!

yeah, i've said it before. i guess i'll say it again. dreck like this is why i don't have cable or dish or even an antenna. i rarely go to movies anymore (again, this is why) and my dvd collection pretty much stops around 2004-ish.

i support the writers and all, but quality product increases one's viability in the market, and thus their leveraging power. movies like meet the spartans just serve to insult the general public's intelligence and generate more ambivalence toward the entertainment industry workers' plight.

that said, i think i'm going to go see rambo tomorrow, as my friends tell me it's the most realistic slaughter of brown people committed to film yet.

This looks almost as bad as Epic Movie.