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_DictionaryGirl_

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

JAN 23, 2008 07:01 PM

Loathe as I am to use use gratuitous expletives[1], sometimes I find them necessary to fully convey the magnitude of joy or horror or whatever it is pertaining to what we're discussing. This is one of those times.

Who loves a clown? No one. It's not like writers just pull the stuff of absolute horror out of thin air -- they usually draw from subjects they find a bit horrifying in real life. In fact, nothing can turn a fun movie into an eye-covering terror-fest as fast as the simple addition of some sinister circus affiliates.

Now: one might think it really wouldn't take a brain surgeon to understand that to the average person (and in particular, the average child), clowns are the stuff of nightmares. On the contrary, however, not only is it beyond an entire hospital staff's immediate comprehension, but it apparently takes a team of researchers and a university-funded study to retroactively discover what I could have told you when I was three years old and screaming my head off in McDonald's.

Decorating children's wards with paintings of clowns to create a nurturing atmosphere could backfire, research suggests. A University of Sheffield study of more than 250 children, aged four to 16, found the images were widely disliked.

Even some of the oldest children found the images scary.Researcher Dr Penny Curtis said: "... We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable."



Oh, for real? Children and teenagers alike found the prospect of rooms adorned with dead eyes and false rictus-grins to be a little bit frightening? Is that what you're telling me? Excuse me if I'm squinting, but my monocle just blasted off and I'm finding it a bit difficult to see.

Meanwhile, the highly-influential clown lobby is crying in protest, spewing forth hateful propaganda of those who would speak out against them -- unsurprising, really, for hate is the only language in which a clown knows how to speak.

In a deluge of emails to Reuters, [clowns] say [the Sheffield University researchers] misrepresent just how popular they really are.

"The 'universe' of 250 children used for the Sheffield University study was miniscule compared to the 250,000 one-to-one bedside visits made by Clown Care to hospitalized children annually," said Joel Dein, director of communications at the Big Apple Circus in New York.

The Clown Care programme has involved two million hospital bedside visits since it began 21 years ago, employs more than 93 professional "Clown Doctors" and has been copied across the world in countries such as Italy and Brazil, Dein said.



Okay, Patch Adams: first of all, that you started your "programme" the same year Stephen King's It was published definitely raises some red flags. Diversion, anyone? Anyway, I'm sure you've been gainfully employed by many a hospital director who finds clowns to be just the ginchiest. Just because some kids are too weakened from aggressive chemotherapy to scream when you honk your dumb nose at them, it doesn't make it any less true that no child of the eighties or later finds your schtick even remotely amusing.

You see, I initially assumed the revulsion of clowns to be pretty much universal in this modern age, but according to the initial article there exists a bit of a generation gap.

[Dr. Curtis said:] "As adults we make assumptions about what works for children."

[...]

Patricia Doorbar is a child psychologist in North Wales who has carried out research into children's views on healthcare and art therapy. She said: "Very few children like clowns. They are unfamiliar and come from a different era... My research has shown that children in hospital are often frightened by a lot of things that adults would not find scary."



So supposedly clowns were believed to be conduits of delight at one point in time, as opposed to the pure evil they actually are? It seems apocryphal, but I do recall my parents speaking rather fondly of Hobo Kelly. I personally find her cruel-eyed visage tear-inducing, so I consulted a co-worker a couple decades my elder, who reminisced of the sheer fun brought by the most horrible and undead of menaces. So then, the generation gap most certainly exists -- perhaps not between "children" and "adults" as the writings so concretely suggest, but certainly between certain eras. More innocent times, when spindly marionettes on television were normal and clowns were not mass murderers.

A related article suggests fear and reviling of clowns as having to do with things like "fear of the mask" and a vilifying push from pop culture, or -- in the case of the children at the hospital -- just a general fear of the unknown, but it has to be more than that. It isn't a learned revulsion, it is wholly intuitive and most gut-wrenching. So forgive us, oh hospital designers and bankrupt clown schools, if kids today (and young adults, for that matter) aren't buying what you're selling. In a threatening and unknown world, we'll take something with a little more comfort and a little less menace, thank you very much.

Give us robots.




[1] In writing, anyway. In speech, however, I'm like a longshoreman on helium.

Hat tip to uncognitive and thefreak. Sorry I claimed this story and then took forever writing it. Such a passionate subject takes a lot out of you, I suppose.

PantherNesmith

PantherNesmith

Gloucester, VA
June 2006

JAN 23, 2008 10:11 PM

I've always been terrified of clowns.

My mom had two clown statues that I purposely broke as a kid, because they freaked me out to the point of nightmares.

And this was well before I read It.

Mark_plus_Beer

Mark_plus_Beer

United Kingdom
August 2005

JAN 24, 2008 01:29 AM

fuck clowns

snefiblert

snefiblert

Australia
June 2004

JAN 24, 2008 01:54 AM

I remember as a kid, my little sister was absolutely freaked out by clowns at the local circus. I guess the delight goes out of it when you get up close and realise behidn that smiling mask there's a sweaty, overweight carny - who I personally wouldn't let within 100 feet of my sister.

Bastardo

Bastardo

Boston, MA
January 2005

JAN 24, 2008 03:57 AM

Clown-beating is a legal right in Massachusetts. Those Puritans weren't wrong about everything.

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

JAN 24, 2008 04:40 AM

I fucking hate clowns.

Volkov

Volkov

San Antonio, TX
OLD SKOOL

JAN 24, 2008 04:42 AM

all I can think of is this rather creepy training video


I believe it was Mr Satan who pointed it out to me quite a while back. back before there was a Mrs. Satan, I think.


gotta love them religious clowns!

formerviking

formerviking

Denver, PA
May 2006

JAN 24, 2008 07:17 AM

Am I the only one who saw Dr. Penny Curtis & thought subliminally Dr Pennywise Curtis ? Now I am scared eeek

d_day

d_day

San Bernardino, CA
July 2002

JAN 24, 2008 07:21 AM

Necia

Necia

San Francisco, CA
August 2005

JAN 24, 2008 07:42 AM

I love the way you write, DG. Lots and lots. smile

zeroxnine

zeroxnine

Chicago Heights, IL
April 2005

JAN 24, 2008 08:22 AM

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

JAN 24, 2008 08:35 AM



Excuse me if I'm squinting, but my monocle just blasted off and I'm finding it a bit difficult to see.




Bahahahahahaha!

Coulrophobia now! Coulrophobia forever!

dingoes8

dingoes8

Milwaukee, WI
March 2004

JAN 24, 2008 08:41 AM

I've never had a problem with clowns. I used to watch Bozo every day, maybe that insulated me.

zeroxnine

zeroxnine

Chicago Heights, IL
April 2005

JAN 24, 2008 08:49 AM

apparently, according to my mother, the Bozo show was playing in the hospital as i was exiting her vagina at 8:17AM CST.


robot

MrGinger

MrGinger

San Rafael, CA
November 2003

JAN 24, 2008 02:20 PM

I want robots too, but I still love clowns, even if they are evil.
I just don't know what's wrong with kids these days. When I was a kid, we loved clowns. When any other kid started to freak out and cry in a clown's presence, it gave the rest of us a chance to point and laugh at the crybaby. The clown would laugh too. So, ultimately, clowns were always a source of humor.

strndniowa

strndniowa

Grimes, IA
May 2007

JAN 24, 2008 05:01 PM

I think robots scare me more than clowns do...Terminator is what I grew up with..."IT" didn't come along till I was a teenager
(and teenagers aren't scared of anything)
I could seriously see clowns all over the walls freaking people out...it doesn't take a lot for a clown face to just look evil...
and we have clown a clown lobbyist's now? isn't that somehow, well, very fitting????? eeek

Kris7

Kris7

Bridgewater, MA
July 2003

JAN 24, 2008 05:52 PM

I was never afraid of clowns. I just thought they were stupid.

crispy

crispy

NEWSWIRE

Philadelphia, PA

JAN 24, 2008 07:16 PM

Okay, so it's not a real clown, but still ...

ChocolateJesus

ChocolateJesus

I'm lost
January 2005

JAN 24, 2008 09:05 PM

^^^That made me terrified of dolls when I was a child. Clowns, not so much. But clown dolls? Holeeee shit.

fountainofdreams

fountainofdreams

Batavia, IL
January 2005

JAN 24, 2008 10:35 PM

I have to agree with the sentiment on Bozo. IT certainly freaks me out, but the lovable (and possibly alcoholic) Bozo? Certainly not. Nor his poor overworked assistant Cookie. Harmless fun.

/Hijack

Something I find creepier than clowns, truly, is "grey" aliens.

Which is strange, because I can watch any movie involving a "Giger" or a Predator, and I'm not phased. Never was. Which isn't to say that they're kinda scary; I'm sure if one of them popped out of a ceiling at me, I'd be screaming bloody murder for the half second it would take to disembowel me. But I'm not really freaked out by them.

Put ET on? I leave the room. Or Close Encounters, which I basically watch until the end. God forbid one of the informational channels put on a "documentary" about aliens at night. I'll never get to fucking sleep.

I have no explanation for this.

Infernus

Infernus

Australia
September 2007

JAN 25, 2008 06:57 AM

bring on the robot clowns!!

michaeljtoo

michaeljtoo

I'm lost
December 2004

JAN 25, 2008 08:46 AM

Let's not forget the effect that Santa Clause has on most small children. I would think that would be enough evidence right there to keep loud costumed grownups out of children's hospitals. I think the kids would rather see a puppy.

Not to put down people who volunteer their time to visit children in the hospital. We should all care that much. Maybe just leave the costumes behind.

mydogfarted

mydogfarted

Oakland, NJ
June 2003

JAN 25, 2008 09:13 AM

Most terrifying clown of them all?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)



Fucking John Wayne Gacy


Nomi

Nomi

USA
June 2006

JAN 25, 2008 10:32 AM

This article is just hilarious. biggrin


I had recurring nightmares in preschool and kindergarten about Bozo jumping out from behind our console TV and chasing me. So yeah, not a big fan of clowns.

dearambellina

dearambellina

Philadelphia, PA
October 2006

JAN 25, 2008 11:33 AM

formerviking said:
Am I the only one who saw Dr. Penny Curtis & thought subliminally Dr Pennywise Curtis ? Now I am scared eeek



IT severely scarred my childhood frown

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