NEWS: Shit Happens

CULTURE: Shit Happens

Anyone who has ever lived in an apartment building and had to share the laundry facilities knows the frustration of having people leave their clothes in the washer or dryer long after the machine has finished.

If you're like me, you move the wet clothes into an open dryer, or the dry clothes onto the top of the dryer.

If you're like Ronnie Ballard of Madison, Wisconsin, you take a shit in the washer.

Wait ... it gets better.

Ballard was arrested after a woman whose "laundry had been soiled" chased him back to his apartment and called the police.

In what must have been a very strange court appearance, Ballard was given a little friendly advice.

What a novel idea.

Just so you can get an even better visual: According to the documents posted on The Smoking Gun, this guy is 6'4" and weighs 345 lbs.

I'd be disturbed, too.

If I was the publisher of a major newspaper, this would be the headline every single day.

Someone should tape a Packer's jersey to this guy!

I think he must have lived in Evanston around 2001-2003. A top loader in my condo building got bombed once.

I am just curious about the mechanics of that. Did he just perch himself on top of the washer with a magazine? Did he bring toilet paper? I can't even poo outside of my own house, let alone in a public laundry facility in a washing machine.

Borderline sociopath with overly comfortable bowels: A disgusting combination!

I wonder if the man ever realized that this would only make the laundry have to stay in the washing machine longer.

You are correct.

[edit]
I moved my "extra content" into the article itself.

Why I didn't just do that last night?
I have no idea.
[/edit]

A bear got loose in the city. A bespectacled, ill-mannered, hairless bear.

This is another great argument for habitat conservation.

I have not given anyone permission to shit in my shoes, and I am disturbed.

i couldn't count on my fingers the number of times i wanted to do this in the barracks. ruh oh.

I gave someone permission last week, but I require permission to be granted for each additional incident.

Ask permission next time, dammit! That's all I ask.

You can't do anything for fun anymore, somebody has to tell you you're not Bob Dylan.

lol damn...that is some messed up shit (no pun intended).


but I do sort of wish he made a candid appearance in my dorm laundry room sometimes to deter the assholes who live down the hall from leaving their laundry in the washer/dryer for days...jerks. lol

Yeah, that's gross.


That being said - I have often wanted to do something similarly heinous to the assholes in my apartment complex. Because they leave laundry in the machines, AND on top of the machines. For DAYS.

Assholes.


But I still wouldn't crap in the slippers. That's just uncivil.

I'm guessing his defense was "When you gotta go, you gotta go".

I forgot and accidentally left my clothes in the laundry all day yesterday, and came home to find them folded neatly on top of the dryer.

HIGHLY preferable, I should say.

Someone shit on the coats!

Oh my.

holy shit.

While I suppose that would be one approach, it occurs to me that if one is comfortable with this sort of thing in the first place, transporting the feces into the laundry room would not be a huge stretch.

I think this man just tried to qualify as Republican candidate.

If this line doesn't belong as a caption to a lolcat pic than I don't what should.

True dat.